The Discourser

I Just Had to Put This One On the Internet...

2011-05-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

At the tail end of last week I had one of our District maintenance workers come to our office in the early morning. The guy was on fire about something that happened the afternoon before. The Boss and I were off at a meeting that afternoon and were unaware of what had happened.

Apparently one of our secretaries called maintenance in the afternoon to report an issue in our boy's bathroom. The maintenance worker arrived to find one of the toilets clogged. This is not an unusual issue, however, this one was a special circumstance.

The unknown perpetrator had taken a yogurt cup, opened it, and then proceeded to splash the yogurt over the walls, floor, and toilet. What constitutes the clog you ask? The guilty party then proceeded to "drop a deuce" in the cup and then shove it into the toilet. How did the maintenance worker know they "pinched a loaf" in the plastic container? The worker also found human Lincoln logs laying in piles on the floor and smeared into the tile. Needless to say he was quite upset.

Just another day in public education.

Family Winter Holiday Part 3

2011-01-02T10:46:00.000-08:00

Our return to the Port of Los Angeles was uneventful and smooth. We arrived at 7 am and were scheduled to disembark at 8:30 in the morning. Our troop ventured up to the buffet and had a quick breakfast before heading off to our disembarkation areas.

Senior Dad and I headed off to the Internet Cafe where all wheel chair assisted people were to report while The Wife and the rest of the group headed off to one of the dining rooms on the lower floor of the ship. We were ten minutes early and waited in the area while other wheel chair bound senior citizens arrived.

Our disembarkation time came and went and we were left waiting for an our past our scheduled time. Finally one of the porters came and stood near me and I asked what the problem was. He stated US Immigration was holding up the process much as they did when we were trying to get on board ship at the start of our vacation. The Wife and the rest of the family got off before Senior Dad and I and were in the immigration line as we were escorted to the handicapped line for customs.

Senior Dad and I were left waiting in the cold and wind along with ten other senior citizens while hordes of people were allowed to go in front of us. We waited for 30 minutes with the excuse being only US Immigration personnel could push a wheelchair through the line. Only three people were working the line and there were more than 20 seniors piled up after 30 minutes. At that point I had enough of the delays.

I stepped into the door of the immigration building and began yelling and dropping F-bombs. I yelled the seniors were freezing, etc, etc. The very same bitchy woman who yelled at passengers and workers at the start of our vacation came up to me and told me to go ahead and push Senior Dad into the line. I told her all the others behind me were doing the same not just me. A line of Seniors were queued up behind me inside the building.

By the way, US Immigration is a freaking joke. They scanned our passports and nothing else. If the federal government is so worried about smuggling, terrorists, etc., you would think they would check a bag upon coming back into the country. Nope. The bored agent just shuttled us through the line. We were escorted into an elevator and down to the baggage area where a porter and the family were waiting with our bags. Our troop was walked out into the rain and wind and deposited on a bench to await our hotel shuttle.

Of course the shuttle was late and was only running one van. The hotel had me on hold for over ten minutes and never connected me to the shuttle desk. Apparently the hotel forgot to read their own literature about continuous shuttle service every ten minutes to the cruise terminal. We were finally picked up by a rushed and haggard driver and taken back to the hotel and our cars. We finally made it onto the road at 10:42 am, over an hour later than we were supposed to depart from LA.

The drive home was fine and we completed the 400 miles in seven hours. It was good to be home and we all quickly settled in to unpack and do laundry.

In summary, Princess Cruises Lines was again fantastic. The Port of Los Angeles at San Pedro, the dock workers at San Pedro, and US Immigration at San Pedro were hideous. Their incompetence, disregard, and disrespect of the public was shameful. They made no apologies for their terrible service and, like most protected unionized workers, simply put in the utter minimum and collect a paycheck with no care for the quality of work or service.

I will never embark on a cruise from that port again. From our conversations with many other passengers these issues do NOT exist at Long Beach, San Francisco, Miami, or Seattle. Only at San Pedro.

Overall, our terribly negative experience with the port only serves to reinforce my negative attitude towards Los Angeles as a whole. I thank the gods I do not live there and would never entertain thoughts of visiting again. The only allure to the area is Disneyland. I may make an exception for that but not anytime soon.

I'm off to enjoy the last hours of my vacation and nurse the cold acquired from being left outside in LA before returning to work on Monday. Have a great Sunday!

Family Winter Holiday Part 2

2011-01-01T21:16:00.000-08:00

Our family trip to the Mexican Riviera was comprised of three stops. Our first stop was Puerto Vallarta. The weather at this stop was fantastic. We disembarked and met our tour guide, Raul, who directed us to our tour bus. Soon enough our tour took off on a very long and meandering voyage to a hacienda. After a forty minute ride we finally stopped at the Hacienda Don Engracia Tequila Factory.

It was here we tasted six different tequilas. Senior Mom, The Wife and The Girl also participated in the tasting event. Of course I got all the tequila they did not like. I left the tasting room a bit buzzed and headed out to the buffet luncheon. There we watched dancing and listened to music. Eventually I was dragged up with two other men to participate in a tequila shooting contest. We were to down a triple shot of tequila and make a Mexican shout. I came in second and received a Cohiba cigar. The Girl won first place in a tortilla making contest and both The Boy and The Girl participated in a traditional dance. We then headed off to some rushed shopping and back to the ship.

The next day we were in Mazatlan and toured on a double decker bus. Mazatlan was filthy. Gang graffiti was on every single available wall and surface. The only thing not tagged were the religious monuments and cathedral. Even the massive statues and exhibits were tagged. It was sad. After a quick visit to the local cathedral we were stopped at an intersection because of a traffic accident. Actually, some woman was hit by a car and lying partially in the one lane road. A local police officer was on scene and then pulled away leaving the woman and some citizens with the woman. Our bus driver pressed forward and squeezed by the woman lying in the road barely missing her head. We saw quite a few local attractions before being shuttled for more rushed shopping at the local downtown. The best shopping was at the shops near the port terminal. Mazatlan was a filthy dirty town and I would not want to return. I can get the same flavor for gangs and filth by visiting my own inner city.

The final stop was in Cabo San Lucas. We were shuttled from the ship on a tender. The marina was far too small for any cruise ships to dock. We embarked on a whale watching expedition and saw many gray and humpback whales with their calves. The whales were awesome as was the free beer and food on the double decker catamaran. After returning to the marina we walked into town and shopped for a few hours, visiting Sammy Hagar's Cabo Wabo and many other local shops. The stop in Cabo was a short one. All of us agreed Cabo San Lucas was the best of the three stops and we enjoyed it immensely. The Wife and I are entertaining the idea of returning to Cabo for a vacation on our own so we can explore and see all the sights.

Back on the ship we continued our hedonistic food orgy, partaking in the nightly dinners and enjoying the morning room service. We also enjoyed the many shows and comedians aboard ship. Our return to Los Angeles was uneventful which belied the issues we were about to encounter upon leaving the ship.

However, more of that later...it is time to watch some America's Most Wanted to see if any of my relatives appear. I could use a decent reward...

The Family's Winter Holiday

2010-12-31T07:56:00.000-08:00

The contents of The Homestead, The Wife, The Boy, The Girl, The Seniors, and myself, chose to forgo the madness of holiday consumption and do something a bit different. We decided to book ourselves a cruise to the Mexican Riviera aboard the Princess Cruise Lines. The Wife and I so loved our last cruise that we wanted to share the experience with the rest of the family.

The date arrived and we made our departure. The cruise left out of the port of Los Angeles which required us to drive from The Homestead to board our ship. Since we were six, we had to take both the Cross Country Cruiser and Senior Mom's little Toyota Carolla. Both vehicles were loaded and with KtMDD boarded at our groomers, we set off on our holiday adventure.

We checked the weather and saw skies were clear until we approached the Los Angeles area. Four hundred miles, three pit stops, and seven hours later our intrepid travelers arrived at the hotel we booked to stay the night before the cruise. The overnight package allowed us to store our cars for the duration of the cruise in their secured lot rather than out at the unsecured port parking lot.

Boarding day was rainy and wet. We were dropped off at the port of LA by our shuttle. There was no protection from the rain for us or our bags. A porter, James, took my bags to the security facility while the family and I made our way to the terminal to check in. The facility was quite large and spacious, a good thing since there were two other cruises departing that day. We were on the Sapphire Princess. The Golden Princess was headed to Hawaii for 14 days and the Crystal Cruise lines' Crystal Symphony was also headed to Mexico.

The US Immigration and Port personnel were nice except for one woman. She yelled at passengers, other work personnel, and admonished many workers when conflicting information was given to passengers in front of everyone. She was quite unpleasant and the immigration worker assigned to Senior Dad and his wheelchair said he was afraid of her and didn't want to get fired since it was his first day.

By eleven, an hour later we were on board and in our staterooms. All that was left to do was wait for our luggage to be delivered. From our last experience it took only half an hour to get our things. We all waited...and waited. From my balcony room I could see loading bins filled with luggage sitting out in the pouring rain not being loaded. The same bins sat there for FOUR hours before any were placed on the ship.

The Seniors received their luggage first. The Boy and Girl had part of their luggage delivered. The Wife and I received our luggage six hours later with some of it wet. The Girl finally got her clothes delivered. Her suit case was utterly soaked, as if it were held underwater for hours. Everything was wet. Other than one dress and the clothes on her back, she had nothing to wear. Everything required drying. Thank goodness for her cabin steward who jumped her things to the front of the line and got it all to her the next day.

Once handed off from the rude, incompetent union dock workers and equally rude US Immigration people, Princess Cruise personnel took great care of us. We later found out some people NEVER got their luggage. The incompetent dock workers loaded some of the luggage on the ship bound for Hawaii while totally destroying or outright losing others.

The trip on the Sapphire Princess was great. The accommodations were outstanding and the food was five star. Our waiter, Rui (pronounced Roo-ee) from Portugal was the best. We all exchanged stories and we learned a lot about his native Portugal and Lisbon. Upon departure he gave us his contact information and invited us to stay with his family in his village near Lisbon if we ever visited Portugal.

I'm going to stop here for now. The next post will contain accounts of Mexico including family tequila shots, whales, and more incompetence from US Immigration.

Time for coffee and breakfast! Later...

Bow Ties and Bezels Redone

2010-09-05T22:29:00.000-07:00

Last week I had the chance to get the front and rear Chevrolet bow ties and chrome tail light bezels wrapped in gloss black vinyl to match my car color. I had been waiting to make this appointment for about three months after meeting a bunch of other local Camaro owners.

I took the recommendation of one of the owners and contacted a local shop about half an hour to the South of The Homestead. The shop owner and operator is a one man show and flies all over the country doing vinyl wraps on a wide variety of cars. I played phone tag with him over the course of two weeks before finding a day and time I could bring my car to his shop.

The day arrived and I took off work an hour or so early to make my appointment. Of course it was the hottest day of the year thus far. His shop office and waiting room was a twelve foot cube luckily positioned to receive every ray of sunlight from noon to sunset. The outside temperature was over 95 degrees with the internal temperature of his waiting room easily surpassing the 100 degree mark. I spent the majority of the two hour wait outside in the parking lot cooling off in the shade of a nearby tree.

Two hours later the shop owner proclaimed he had finished the job of wrapping the tail light bezels and bow ties. He used a vinyl product from 3M to do the job. The vinyl was cut according to a template, wrapped around the parts, and then heated with a heat gun to shrink wrap the parts. The vinyl wrap is good for 8 to 10 years and can be washed without restrictions.

I am thrilled the chrome bezels were finally covered along with the bow ties. It has substantially changed the look of the car and was simple to do. The tail light bezels look like they came from the factory already black and the bow ties look fantastic with the chrome outline.

My next modification will have to wait until next summer. I am planning on installing a Competition Cat-Back exhaust from Magnaflow. The exhaust note is rich and deep without the ping or blat of other exhaust systems. Getting the parts are easy. The hard part is finding a place to do the install.

I'm looking forward to taking a nice drive with The Wife on Labor Day. See you on the road! Later...

...And There Was Joy in the World

2010-08-23T20:52:00.000-07:00

Today I drove my sad little rental car, a 2010 Chevrolet HHR LT, to work. The car looks like a station wagon with a decidedly boxy appearance. The interior was lacking in comfort but was functional for its class. I did not enjoy driving it but I took it to school none the less.

I arrived and carved out some time to make a phone call to General Motors. I received a contact number from a fellow Camaro owner on the Camaro5.com message boards. The member is an employee of GM and instructed me to contact the company, explain the situation, and get a reference number to escalate the issue.

The recorded information on the line stated I had reached the Employee Referred Complaint Department. I spoke to woman named Susan who was extremely apologetic about the issue. I explained I had brought the car in for service after something detonated under the hood. I then told her the dealership swapped out the throttle body but as still getting an error code. They consulted the engineers who recommended swapping out the ECM. Since the ECM was a restricted part there were some hoops to jump through.

I also explained I understood all those things and what really bothered me was the shop representative telling me they had no time line for the part t arrive and said it could be up to two weeks until I got my car back. Susan documented my issue and then asked me what the dealership name was and if I had the phone number. I gave her both and she put me on hold.

A few minutes later Susan returned to the line and said she spoke with the service representative at the dealership. They had received the part this morning and a technician was working on the car as we were speaking. I thanked Susan for her help. She told me that the service rep had contacted GM and raised a little Hell to get my part in ASAP. I was surprised since she was so cavalier and dismissive on Friday.

Susan stated she would call me back on Thursday to see if things were alright with the car and to let her know if there were any other issues that I wanted addressed so she could resolve them immediately. I was so happy after completing my phone call to GM. About an hour and a half later I received a phone call from the rep at the dealership telling me my car was all fixed and that they were "washing" it for me.

I picked the car up and drove it home with no issues. It felt great to get back into my car especially after having to drive the anemic rental for a couple of days. The Wife and I have already planned for a short day trip to our favorite spot on Earth this coming Saturday. I can't wait!

I'm off to surf the web and putter around before heading off to bed. Hasta manana...

Finally Replaced My HP Laptop

2010-08-22T11:49:00.001-07:00

The time had come for me to replace my trusty HP laptop. I had received the dv6000t (see picture) about five years ago from work. At the time it was close to the top of the line in laptops. It was running a 1.83 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo with 1 GB of DDR2 RAM and an 80 GB HDD. The laptop was screaming fast at the time and was a total departure from my other work issued laptop.

Over the years it had served me well both in the home and on the road. In fact, it was the last Windows based machine in my house since The Wife replaced her aged desktop with an Apple iMac.

Two years ago I upgraded the RAM to 2 GB of DDR2, the maximum it could hold. The performance increased and it was still serving me well. My phone was synchronized to it along with my original iTunes library. I was so happy!

One day last year I noticed a distinct pink hue to the LCD screen upon start up. It would last a few minutes and eventually give way to the normal color. I researched the issue and found that the issue happens when the CCFL bulb begins to reach end of life.

Then the unthinkable happened. Somehow a nasty computer Ebola virus struck. I was able to knock it out but severely killed a number of registry items. The issue was so severe I had to reinstall the XP OS after transferring all my pertinent files to an external drive. After a day or two of futzing with the reinstall the HP was resurrected. Again I was happy, pink colored LCD or not.

This summer two issues struck almost simultaneously. The sound card died on the machine without warning. Nothing I did in terms of drivers, downloads or canned air could solve the problem. Again I researched the issue and found this was another common occurrence as a laptop approaches end of life. Also, the laptop was having issues starting up when I pushed the power button. It would take three attempts, each more forceful than the other, to get the computer to realize I wanted to power on. More research revealed this was close to the last straw.

The Boss and another co-worker had the same laptops, all of which had these same issues and died horrible deaths within two years of ownership. It was time to find a replacement.

I looked and found an HP Pavilion dm4. It is smaller than the dv6000t which had a 15.4 inch screen. However, the dm4 is far superior in a number of ways. It is running Windows 7 which is nearly a direct copy of Apple OSX 10.6. The difference between the two is almost disappearing. It also has a 500 GB HDD, an Intel i5 2.27 GHz processor and 4 GB of DDR3 RAM. It is 4.4 pounds and light as a feather. It even looks like a MacBook from a distance.

It took a while to do a full file transfer over to the new machine from the dv6000t using my external HDD but now all pertinent information is in its new home. It was a sad day when I packed up my dv6000t for storage. It will become my backup laptop in the event something happens to the new one. Like an old horse, the dv6000t has been put out to pasture. I did not have the heart to send it to the glue factory so it will spend the rest of its days in a cyber field grazing on silicon grass.

I'm off to go find myself some lunch and enjoy the brief respite from the gloomy weather. Later...

Six Days and Still No Car

2010-08-19T20:48:00.000-07:00

So nearly a week has passed and I still do not have my Camaro back from the dealership. The car to the left is not my car but it is how I last saw my Camaro.

As you may have already read, my new Camaro broke down last Saturday while driving on city streets. I had it transported to a local Chevrolet dealership near where it broke down for repairs.

The first order of business was to replace the throttle body. The throttle body manages the amount of airflow that is allowed into the engine via a metal plate. The diagnostics led the technicians to believe that was the culprit causing the issues with my car. The service representative contacted me and told me the technician had installed the part, cleared the error codes, and was preparing to take the car out for a shake down to see if everything was working.

The representative called me back a little while later to tell me there was no joy. The car coded again. The dealership contacted the engineers who recommended they change the ECM module. The ECM or Engine Control Module, monitors the air/ fuel mixture. A malfunctioning ECM may lead to some of the troubling idle issues I experienced last Saturday.

The representative told me they had to order the part from somewhere far away and expected it to come in today (Thursday). I waited all morning and afternoon and finally called around 3 p.m. to check on what was going on with my Camaro. The rep on the other end of the line told me they had not received the part. DAMN! I am getting impatient and would like to have my car back.

Hopefully the swap out of the ECM will solve the problems. If not I have the option to get a rental car for my troubles. I will also look up the California Lemon Laws just to make sure I am covered for something in the event this becomes a prolonged issue.

I'm out of here. There are many prayers to say and candles to light to the car gods. Later...

My Wounded Camaro

2010-08-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

The car to the left of these words is my 2010 2SS/ RS Camaro. It is the sweetest car I have ever owned. The 376 cubic inch, 6.2 liter V-8 engine pumps out 400+ horse power to some sweet Pirelli P-Zero tires. Since getting the car in March I have babied it to the max. It is garaged and has never sat outside over night. The car is a weekend driver and has under 2700 miles on the odometer.

The Wife and I have taken it on only one overnight trip, a couple of hundred total miles. Heck, I even park the car in the most inconvenient spots to avoid getting any door dings or dents from inconsiderate drivers.

I refuse to have any food or drink in the car. The exception is bottled water as long as the bottle can be sealed. This car is babied way more than I was as a child.

Today The Wife and I took Senior Mom to some old folks gathering called the Red Hats. We dropped her off and headed off to a local car show not far away from her event. The car show was great and we spent close to an hour walking through the rows of classic vehicles. Then it was off to the local Trader Joe's and back to pick up Senior Mom. That is when something hideous happened to the babied Camaro.

The Wife and I rolled up to a stop light in the center of three lanes. The car started to shake violently. The Driver Information Center (DIC), a display in the center of the instrument cluster, showed an exclamation point (!) with the phrase "Running on Reduced Power." The check engine light was on along with a symbol for the TCS. I thought it meant Traction Control System.

I pressed on the gas pedal and the once powerful engine failed to roar. The car limped along and took almost 100 yards to build up to 20 m.p.h. I struggled to get into the curbside lane in the event I needed to pull over. The highest speed I attained was 25 m.p.h. as I headed to pick up Senior Mom. The Wife and I picked her up and took the quaking, limping car to the nearest parking lot. The Wife contacted AAA while I attempted to contact the service department where I bought the now wounded Camaro. I couldn't reach the service department as they are closed on Saturday so I contacted the next closest dealership. They were open.

Triple-A arrived but without a flatbed tow truck. The tow operator contacted his dispatcher and worked out a deal so I could get a flatbed. The other truck arrived twenty minutes later and the driver was great. He hooked up my car and got it on the truck in no time. A few minutes later we arrived at the dealership and dropped off my wounded car. This dealership was great in comparison to the one I bought the car from. The salespeople were great and the service technician was helpful.

According to the On-Star diagnostic there is some issue with the throttle control system. Hopefully the fix will be quick. I know I will have to wait until Monday to see exactly what the issues are with my car. I am also looking forward to picking up the car from the service technicians and getting it back into my garage. I would hate to see the service take more than a day. Thank goodness my Camaro is not my daily driver or I would be screwed as I go back to work this coming Monday.

I'll let you all know how things go when I get the car back. Off to vegetate in my Vacation Station. Later...

Comcast Conundrum Continues

2010-08-01T22:57:00.000-07:00

The Wife and I had recently gone "all-in" and made Comcast our sole providers for digital communication and entertainment. The Internet is uber-speedy when compared with our old DSL line; lag is almost non-existent. The phone switch was super easy too. However, it was not easy to find the directions on how to setup voice mail on the Comcast support website.

In fact, all of our issues have come from dealing with the Comcast support people. On the initial setup day The Wife made no less than three calls to the support line to address issues with the programming guide, the DVR setup, and a host of other crap-tastic issues. One douche bag phone monkey stated he would call The Wife back in 15 minutes and never did. The Wife's next call back to phone support revealed that technicians cannot call out from their call centers. Freaking liar...

The next day I had to call and got another phone monkey who stated he would call me back in 20 minutes with information on getting a technician out to The Homestead. I told the phone fool I didn't believe a word out of his mouth and that I would believe he would call me when Hell froze over. Guess what? Tech douche NEVER called back. Big surprise.

The Wife and I stopped by to see NTT's Brain's art show and ran into The Supergoober and The Warden. We left the art show and stopped by their new digs and saw they had three new DCX3400 cable boxes. The Warden found out his Comcast office was open on a Saturday and gave me the address.

The next day The Wife and I took a short road trip to the open office and waited to speak to an actual douche bag in person. I explained the situation and got the same BS lines trying to shut me up. Then I asked for a new DCX3400 box only to be told there was a month long waiting list. I said I was surprised and that The Supergoober and The Warden, who moved to their new place in the last two weeks, had THREE of them installed and that they walked in to the same office I was standing in to pick them up. I got the Cold Stare of Stupidity from Mr. Douche Bag...no response. I then told him I thought their customer service blew. and that I was going to flip out. The Wife intervened and we got a technician routed to The Homestead the next morning.

Tony the Technician arrived at 10 a.m. Sunday morning. This guy was awesome. He explained everything to us that three days of support douche bags could not do. He told us the reason we were having so many issues with the guide and the DVR was the Xfinity upgrades being done over their network. He also told us he had been on multiple calls for the same reason as ours all due to Comcast upgrades. He also stated Comcast never informed the technicians. Due to his assistance we are keeping our current DVR until the newer DCX3400 becomes available.

Thus far I have been totally STOKED with the HD from Comcast. I REFUSE to watch anything non-HD because it is so freaking awesome! Sports in HD is like being at the game without the nasty bathrooms and lines for food! Thanks to the new super fast Internet I loaded up the Netflix disc for the Wii and love streaming stuff over the WiFi network. The Girl and I watched five of the X-Files from Season 1. I am such a couch potato!

Off to watch more HD TV! Later...

Switched to Comcast Today

2010-07-29T20:22:00.000-07:00

Well, The Wife and I bit the bullet and stopped by the local Comcast office to inquire about switching service. We spoke to the enthusiastic guy behind the counter who was kind enough to spell out the wondrous virtues of the all inclusive Comcast plan.

The Wife and I were in the market for a new ISP. Our current one, Earthlink, has been our ISP for 12 years with nine of those years being DSL. The DSL has been so hideously slow that when The Boy, The Wife, and I are tooling about the Internet Super Highway, we were relegated to the shoulder of the road.

We took the Optimus Maximus Plan giving us 20 Mbps high-speed Internet, comprehensive voice (that is telephone for all you out there), and upgraded cable with an HD dual channel DVR.

The cable guy showed up in the last few minutes of his maintenance window and began working on installing the upgrades. A couple of hours later the cable guy split. The Internet was working but only on The Wife's computer. I tried to troubleshoot the Apple Airport Extreme but to no avail. I finally had to do a hard reboot and wipe out EVERYTHING and restore the factory defaults. A few minutes later we had Internet joy throughout The Homestead.

Next was the voice mail setup. It took me a little while to find some actual information on the Comcast website. I finally had to use the online chat to get the information necessary. The Wife recorded a message and we now have voice mail! Woo Hoo!

Now on to the cable box. The cable guy said it would take a non-specific "little while" for the cable box to boot up and download all the necessary information. The Wife returns home and begins to transfer all the old TiVo shows to the new DVR. One problem...the DVR would not peer into the future and record shows not scheduled for today. Multiple frustrating calls and conflicting information from Camcast found us standing in line at our local office turning in our newly installed box for another box.

Back at The Homestead we plugged in the new box as instructed by Behind the Counter guy but no joy. The Wife called the Robo-Re-programmer number but still no joy. We finally got Svetlana the Russian cable person on the line and she walked her through the reboot phase. This technician debunked a day's worth of conflicting information stating it could take up to 24 hours to download the entire cable menu to the new box. That ordeal ended at close to five p.m. Finally!

It gave me GREAT pleasure to contact the extorting thugs at AT&T to cancel my phone service. I was paying close to $70 a month for the most minimal of features. That cost was a supposed reduction after The Wife called to complain about the pricing a few months ago. The service person on the phone was all bummed that I didn't go with their UVerse package. Too bad losers!

I also called our old ISP and reduced our service to maintain our old email addresses. The cost dropped from $50 per month to $4 for just the email service. Awesome.

I'm happy because we now have Internet that works, the SPEED channel, and a butt-load of other channels including Showtime so we can watch Dexter and Weeds! Suh-weet!

Now I am off to surf the web and watch some cable TV. Later...

Our Most Incredible Vacation

2010-07-22T21:50:00.000-07:00

The Wife and I took our first vacation as a couple in 16 years. The Boy and The Girl, being 22 and 18 are able to take care of themselves and the Seniors are capable of managing themselves without us being at The Homestead. The Wife planned a cruise to the great state of Alaska sans children and Seniors. We have had many years with great vacations but none where it was just the two of us.

We left on July 11, a day after The In-laws from the Red State completed their ten day visit to our home. More on that visit later...I want to focus on our vacation.

We arranged for a driver to pick us up at The Homestead to whisk us to the cruise terminal in The City. We arrived somewhere around noon, handed our bags over to a waiting porter, and stepped into the terminal. The process could not have been quicker. The next thing we know we have our cruise cards in our hands and are walking up the gangway to the ship. The two of us were in our room before 12:30!

Our room was wonderful. We had a balcony cabin on the starboard side of the ship (that is the right side) and just to the rear of mid-ship. The aft elevator bank was probably ten rooms away from our door. We met our cabin steward, Reyno upon entering the room. Rey took great care of us the entire time. Our bags were delivered shortly after our arrival and we were free to roam the ship before casting off for Alaska.

The Wife and I found ourselves on the observation deck filled with excitement as the ship cast off from the pier and started it's slow progression through the bay and out the "Gate". It was purely majestic passing beneath "The Gate" and into the mighty Pacific ocean.

There is so much to say about the trip, far too much for me to put into one posting. However, I must address a few highlights that need to be covered. First, our wait staff in the main dining room was amazing. It was the absolute BEST service I have EVER encountered in my life. Sonal, our waiter, and Goran, our waiter assistant, took care of us like we were royalty. They knew our drinks, what we liked on the table, and our tastes in food. Sonal would make his top recommendations for dinner of which we would pick one. That, however, was not good enough. Sonal would bring us every entree he had recommended for us to try. Many nights I had two dinners! Duck in an Asian inspired sauce along with sea scallops. NY strip steak and perch. Lobster and grilled prawns with melt in your mouth lamb chops. Dessert was no different. We had souffles, home made ice cream, torts, and sorbets. Sonal's service and personality was mind blowing.

Then there was Glacier Bay National Park. Glaciers thousands of years old calving in front of us, harbor seals darting in and out of our ship's wake, and humpback whales breaching before our very eyes, waving at us with their flukes, and flapping their tails into the air as they dove for food. We watched as the whales played in front of and on the side of our ship for well over an hour. The natural beauty of the mountains, glaciers, forest, and icy beaches were breath taking. It was a near religious experience.

The Wife and I also took many tours in our ports of call. The best was the Deadliest Catch tour on a fishing vessel from the second season of Deadliest Catch called the Aleutian Ballad. We sailed out into the strait and around an Indian owned island and water way outside of US jurisdiction. This is important in the fact that you cannot feed American Bald Eagles in the United States. The water around the island is NOT part of the US. It was part of Indian land. The fishermen tossed fish into the water and a countless amount of bald eagles flew within five feet of The Wife and I to pluck the fish out of the water. I video taped for close to 20 minutes watching the majestic birds fly right in front of me. We also saw jelly fish in the wild, more seals, and watched in wonder as the crew members pulled a variety of sea life out of the water. We saw dog shark, star fish, prawns, King crab, Box crab, Spider crab, octopus, and an eel. I personally held a Box crab while The Wife held a starfish. It was all quite mind blowing.

Those are just a few highlights. If you want more of the story talk to me off line and I will tell you more wondrous stories of our trip. The Wife and I met tremendous people on our ten day vacation and are looking forward to making cruising a part of our lives. Where do we go next? The Mediterranean? Hawaii? The South Pacific? Alaska (there is so much to see and do that one trip is not enough!)? We will let you know when we figure it out.

Enough for now! See you all on the flip side. Later...

Incredible Video from the TED Conference

2010-04-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

It's Been Too Long...

2010-03-21T08:26:00.000-07:00

It's been too long since The Discourser has posted anything. My online presence has been non-existent since the beginning of February. Life has conspired against my best intentions and kept me from doing many things including posting here. Here is an update...

The state of affairs in our country have been working against many, if not all of us as we toil away in our chosen professions. Mine has been nothing but doom and gloom since October when our esteemed state leaders began working on their budget proposal for the next fiscal year. The gist of the budget would see massive funding cuts to education. These funding cuts have led to devastating cuts to the heart of our industry. The state had funded something called Class Size Reduction which limited the students in kindergarten through third grade to a 20:1 ratio. Our brainiac leaders decided to not fund that program anymore leaving a district like mine with a $1.3 million dollar funding gap. Throw in a bunch of other state cuts and we are looking at a whopping $2.1 million dollar loss of revenue.

What does this all mean? It means our district sent layoff intent notices to 26 certificated (teacher and administrators) staff. That layoff included two assistant superintendents. Because of the state law, they all were noticed on or before the 15th of March. The Discourser and his fellow colleagues were all on the chopping block. The date passed and The Discourser was spared for another year.

Now this situation was not isolated to The Discourser's little professional island. This has been going on all across our state. The layoff of staff in my part of the world constituted 16.45% of our certificated work force.

Replicate this activity across the state and you have over 22,000 people being laid off. Where are they going to go. All have a minimum of a Bachelor's degree. All are the youngest and most vibrant of the profession. Thanks to the unions and the state's education code, these layoffs were accomplished by using the seniority scale.

That hip new teacher that does all those cool things in class and whom your student just loves is gone. Replace them with a tired, crotchety teacher who has long forgotten why they entered the profession and who may not even like children anymore. I almost forgot, that nasty teacher is probably making double what that cool new teacher was making. That is what the loss of 22,000 teachers means to you.

We haven't even begun to look at classified personnel. Those folks include secretaries, custodian, aides, and librarians. I can almost guarantee we will have no school librarians next year. Without a school librarian kids can essentially look at the books but not check them out. Thanks to the current education code, unions can refuse to have volunteers act as librarians. This is like having a kitchen where you can walk into but, because of state law and unions, you cannot cook anything. What's the point...

Welcome to the state's brand of education. Our overcrowded classrooms will now mirror our overcrowded prisons. At least prisoners library access.

These cuts are just the latest in a series of cuts public education has been making for the past 10 years. We have been told to trim the fat in our programs. Over the past decade we have reduced or eliminated counselors, food programs, sports programs, electives have been cut including world languages and music, non-classroom staff have been eliminated including maintenance workers, grounds keepers, and custodial staff. Districts have eliminated many essential non-classroom based programs to spare the core. Now we are cutting the core of our classroom personnel.

Public education had been on life support for many years. Now state leadership is working hard to pull the plug. In 1965 the state was ranked fifth in the nation for education. By 1972 it slipped to 16th. By 2005 the rank was 46th in the nation. I suspect by next year it will be 50th. I could go on but it only gets worse. This crescendo of educational doom began in the late 1970's and we are just now reaping the benefits of that activity.

Welcome to the future my friends...

Happy Birthday to The Super Goober!

2010-02-01T22:18:00.000-08:00

The Discourser wants to wish The Super Goober a Happy Birthday! I have known The Super Goober since 1976, which is longer than I have known most family members.

When I think back to some of the past birthdays we shared, the most memorable and psychologically traumatizing one was in fourth grade when The Super Goober, his dad, myself (The Discourser), and some other school mates were taken to the movies. Here is where the traumatizing part comes into play. The movie was "Dawn of the Dead". At the time it was not rated, which in today's terms is somewhere between NC-17 and Rated X for ultra violence.

I remember being unable to close my eyes for many nights due to horrific nightmares. I guess "Dawn of the Dead" was not appropriate for 9 year-olds!

Anyway, Happy Birthday Super Goober! Later...

Steve Jobs Does It Again

2010-01-27T21:00:00.001-08:00

Yes folks, the main man at The Mothership has done it again. Apple released their newest creation, the iPad, today in The City. Steve Jobs waited to get into the tablet game as well as the Netbook craze. Today he unveiled a device that again trumps the competition. The sleek device is powered by an Apple processor and utilizes flash based memory like the ones found in the iPod Touch. The interface is all multi-touch and the craziest thing about the whole UI is that the touch surface is made of some weird polymer that does not leave fingerprints to mar the viewing surface!

A colleague and I were following MacRumors' twitter feed from the release event this morning. As educators we instantly saw the implications for students in a 21st Century learning model. Just think of all those poor kids lugging around tens of pounds of text books in their backpacks. Now their textbooks can be placed on the iPad for nearly the same price. Now, I'm talking about k-12 students. Just think of the implications of college level students and their textbooks. The cost of a single semester of textbooks is far less than the purchase of the high end iPad.

Students will be able to access the Internet via Wifi, use Google Docs or Zoho to create documents, work spreadsheets, or create slide show presentations. Oh, wait...Jobs had his team create a hybrid model of iWorks, Apple's far sleeker cousin of the Microsoft Office suite, so users can do all the same things they would normally do on their laptops. A virtual keyboard makes data input easy.

Hardcore projects like podcasts, enhanced podcasts, and movies will still be created on the iPads big brother laptops and desktops. However, once loaded to a students iTunes, the digital content will be available on their iPad.

Apple has made 21st Century access for students cheaper by their introduction of the iPad. $699 is a bargain for a digital gateway.

Apple has thrust the killing blow through the heart of the current ebook readers with their GUI book reader in the iPad. Let us take off our hats and bow our heads as we say a prayer for the passing of the Kindle, Kindle 2, Kindle DX, Sony Reader, iRex Digital Reader, COOL-er, Astak EZ Reader, Cybook, and the Iliad. May you rest in peace.

I'm thirsty from all this drooling. Someone pass me another cup of Kool-Aid! Later...

Check Out My New Video

2010-01-15T21:26:00.001-08:00

Made this video using Animoto.com, a Web 2.0 application along with Keynote from the Apple iLife Suite and images from Google images. Pretty darned sweet. Enjoy.

Welcome to 2010

2010-01-01T08:38:00.000-08:00

The Discourser would like to welcome everyone to 2010! Last year The Discourser set out to make some simple resolutions that he would actually be able to keep. Everyone makes resolutions yet most fail to meet them because the goals they set are too lofty or require inhuman amounts of will power and self control. Armed with that knowledge The Discourser chose to avoid failure by making resolutions that were fun and within his scope of accomplishment. There were two for 2009:

Read one book a month.
Count every single time The Discourser broke wind.

Reading is a favorite past time yet had been neglected in recent years. The Discourser found he had a stack of books that were gathering dust and set out to reduce the piles. He started out by taking the pages of the book and dividing it by the days in the month. The number of pages to be read per day was so pathetically small The Discourser imposed a minimum of 20 pages. The results were great and The Discourser rediscovered the joy of reading.

All total, The Discourser read 20 books in 2009 with a total of 7265 pages of printed text. Eleven of the books were fiction with the remainder being historical non-fiction and autobiographies. The books ranged from short (Ellie Wiesel's "Night" - 120 pages) to long (Neal Stephenson's "Anathem" - 890 pages). The hardest book to read was the historical book documenting the legend of the Nights Templar by Piers Paul Read. At 323 pages "The Templars" was the most labor intensive and boring book I read. For fun reads I highly recommend anything from Christopher Moore.

As for The Discourser's second resolution, he downloaded an App for his iPhone called Tally Counter. It is a simple application with a four digit analog style number screen. There are two buttons, a plus and a minus, for adding or subtracting tallies. The task was simple. The Discourser would hit the plus button every time he polluted the atmosphere. Silly.

The Discourser was true to the task and kept the best tally possible. It was a little hard to count those Fanny Bubbles emitted during sleep yet not totally impossible. The Discourser does not sleep very well anymore and tends to be woken up by everything. He was able to tally those Nocturnal Scented Screams pretty well. The tally stream was never broken for the year. That was a true test because maintaining the tally became a task similar to flossing one's teeth. It was no longer a funny novelty but a habit that needed to be maintained until midnight on December 31. Here is the overall tally for 2009:

Overall Total: 4675 Fanny Flamethrowers
Daily Average over 365 Days: 12.8 Sphincter Whistles

Hideous. I agree...

In the end, The Discourser was a little sad to have his first Roar from the Rear of 2010 go undocumented.

For 2010 The Discourser has chosen to make reading one book a month a habit rather than a resolution. He has six titles already stacked and ready to consume starting today. He has chosen as a resolution to drink the recommended 64 ounces of water per day. That would result in an annual consumption of 182.5 gallons of water. The Discourser's second resolution is to eat a minimum one piece of fruit per day.

Best of luck to all of you in 2010!

Happy Christmas to You

2009-12-25T22:20:00.000-08:00

Here at The Homestead the family instituted a new Christmas tradition. First things first, the Girl and I have committed to speak in horrible English accents for the entire day. While taxing because it is not our native accent it does make everything sound better. We sound smarter even if we are not. That is new Christmas tradition number one.

New Christmas tradition number two comes in the form of not preparing our normal sit down dinner. Rather, The Discourser made no less than eleven phone calls to regional restaurants only to find that Asian (Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, Malay, and Japanese restaurants were the only ones open). My last ditch attempt at something other than Asian cuisine was Chevy's. Yes, Chevy's Fresh Mex. So very Xmas-y. The Taste of Chevy's was too much that it induced a near instant food coma. Next year, if this tradition continues, I will have to find an actual restaurant.

The third New Christmas Tradition was to go to the movies. We chose to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie with Robert Downey Jr. Originally we had wanted to go to an earlier movie (4:00 pm) but got stuck with the 7:30 show. We Fandango-ed the tickets, loaded the Cross Country Cruiser with all the family, and headed off to the theater. I dropped off the family and went in search of parking in one of two garages.

The first garage was totally closed with security guards turning all cars away. I navigated away from that garage and drove through near ghetto streets to get to the second garage on the other side of the theater. Normally I find a spot on the first two floors. I was able to find a spot on the fourth floor of the garage...uncharted territory.

I met up with The Wife outside the doors and we both entered the madness. It was truly madness. Between the lines for Avatar and Sherlock Holmes, there were TONS of people in the hallways, walkways, stair wells, and escalators. It took me a good five minutes to get to the bathroom and another five minutes to get back to my theater. Personally I enjoyed the film. The Wife and The Girl could not handle the movie and left early to get the Cross Country Chariot.

We arrived home a few minutes after 10 pm. The Wife and I are seriously going to re-evaluate our new Christmas traditions. While we are home and happy now we will have to advance plan to avoid late start movie times and the lack of restaurant choices.

Christmas on the whole was great. We ate our traditional over night caramel french toast and bacon breakfast, opened our presents one at a time, and enjoyed one an-others company. Even KtMDD had presents to open! Tomorrow The Wife and I are running up to Apple to exchange a broken item for one that is not broken. Other than that, the day after Christmas will be a day of recuperation and rest.

Happy Christmas to all of you. Later...

Update, Update, Update

2009-12-01T21:10:00.000-08:00

It has been a busy time since I last updated this blog. I have actually spoken with a few of the loyal followers and explained why I have not provided any updates. To be honest, The Discourser's life has not been so exciting. However, I have a couple of things to update folks on today.

First off, it is the end of the month/ beginning of the month. That means a gaseous emissions update. This past month of November was a particularly gassy month seeing it was the beginning of the holiday season. The tally by the end of the month was 375. The high number was in part to my having the Monkey Flu for a week and all the cold medicine, cough drops, and elixirs. That stuff plays havoc on the digestive system. Anyway, the average for the month was 12.5 poots per day. The Girl and I did a little calculation and thus far I have been averaging 12.96 air biscuits per day for the entire year. I am looking forward to finishing off this endeavor in December. The Discourser is kind of disgusted with himself.

Second, over this weekend the GoG came over to hang out and shoot the breeze. While we were hanging out a couple of us were surfing the Net on the trusty HP laptop. The trusty HP acquired an Internet STD. A virus attacked the computer in the disguise of a virus protection software called Antivirus System Pro. The hackers have this worm infect your computer signaling that your computer is infected. It then creates a phony scan of your computer and prompts you to disinfect after paying $40 on your credit card. The best part is that it does nothing except for installing a key tracker on a phony toolbar for IE.

I researched the virus and found a solution. Download something called rkill and another Spybot/ Malware killer. The trick is not in the downloading but in the deployment of the solution. You have to restart your computer and launch the rkill application before the virus kicks in. Rkill worked well and halted the malware from launching. The Spybot/ Malware killer identified the infected registry entries and proceeded to annihilate them. All was good until I restarted. The trusty HP blue screened. I attempted to restart more than 10 times before it actually was able to launch Windows.

The next day was Monday and I talked to my IT support tech at work. He looked at the trusty HP and determined the solution had truncated some of the OS files. In other words a clean install using the original recovery discs was in order. Luckily I was able to pull off the most pertinent data to my external drive. Everything else was fluff. I took the infected laptop back to my office and started the reformat. That was at 12:30. By five that evening the reinstall was not yet finished. I left it running over night.

Today I returned to the office to find that the reinstall was complete. It was like having a brand new computer. The downside was it loaded all the bloatware from the original install. I took the time between appointments, phone conversations, report review and writing, and talking with students to remove the bloatware and reinstall Firefox, MS Office, iTunes, and replace the saved data pulled off before the reinstall.

Side Note: I am glad I have adopted a Web 2.0 stance for most of my things. Truly nothing of consequence was lost and made the revival of the trusty HP relatively easy. iTunes re-synced with the iPhone with no problems. MobileMe restored all my calendar and contacts to Outlook. Google Calendar Sync restored the connection to my work computer.

I downloaded an antivirus program called Avast! on the recommendation of The Boy. It too is free and works like a charm. Google Earth and Google Talk were an easy install and all I have left to install is Picasa, my old Spybot and defrag programs (all free). Yeah, I lost some stupid Mahjong game but who cares. Everything else is fine. Bookmarks in Firefox? No problem with Google Bookmarks.

The intermittent work on the computer was finished by the time I walked out the door to come home this evening. I am very happy that the trusty HP is back. I do like this computer.

Off to read my current book, "20 Thousand Leagues Under the Sea" by Jules Verne. Hasta.

Tools Used in My Repair Job

2009-11-14T17:42:00.000-08:00

The Discourser's last post covered the frustrating trouble shooting of the Internet/ modem/ Airport Extreme issue. I wanted to show you a couple of tools I used to make adjustments in the CAT5 network cable placement and what I used to reset the failed Airport Extreme Base Station.

The first is the device I used to feed the network cable back and forth between the modem, The Wife's desktop, and the base station. This is an official CAT5 Cable Retrieval Device.

Yes, it is an untwisted wire hanger with a bent loop at one end.

The next is the Official Device Resetting Tool. I have used this tool for many years on a number of devices.

The device is a size small safety pin. I have had to use this a multitude of times to reset my old iRiver H10 mp3 player. I used it to reset the back up Airport Extreme Base Station and reconfigure it as a mirror of the one that failed.

Without these two devices my ability to solve the connectivity problem would have been much more difficult and time consuming. Sometimes the low-tech approach, old school methods are the best.

Later...

Technology Is Great...When It Works

2009-11-14T12:19:00.000-08:00

As you all know The Discourser loves technology. He loves the endless possibilities technology gives you in your daily life. He also loves the cool way technology enhances his profession. What The Discourser despises more than anything is when technology decides to show its ugly side and fail to work properly. The Discourser had such a day yesterday and this morning.

The Wife, Ding, and I were off to do some grocery shopping after work yesterday. We left The Homestead and returned a couple of hours later to find our modem had decided to shut itself off. To give you a better idea of what I have hooked up here is a list of the devices.

AresCom NetDSL 800 modem (original modem issued by our ISP in 1998)
Apple Airport Extreme Wireless Base Station
Western Digital 250 GB MyBook External HDD
Apple iMac Desktop
HP Pavillion dv6000t
Apple MacBook
Ding's desktop
The Boy's desktop

We walked in the door and I saw the Airport Extreme's activity light blinking amber. The ancient modem's lights were dark. I flipped the power switch on the ancient yet uber-reliable modem and the power and LAN lights fired up. The WAN light just winked at me. The amber trouble light on the Airport Extreme switched from irritating blinking amber to all is good green. The winking WAN light signaled issues after five minutes of patient waiting for it to connect out to the Internet.

The Discourser wondered if the 11 year-old modem had finally bit the dust. We had a near modem death scare three years ago and our ISP shipped us a new one. It was living in dormancy on a shelf ever since. Apparently the first near death modem experience was the result of the ISP providers network issues. I dug out the newish modem and installed it and called the ISP provider to help with the new install.

Kirk with a decidedly Indian accent helped me through the install. My previous experiences with the tech support line were hideous and resulted in being on hold for literally hours with no solutions. Kirk was very good and efficient with the set up. We determined the issue was not the modem or the Internet connection at all. It was the Airport Extreme. I jacked The Wife's computer directly into the DSL modem and we had Internet joy. Kirk signed off and I thanked him for his help.

I then tackled the Apple Airport Extreme. However, because it was late I decided to leave it for this morning. I awoke and headed off to my office to pick up another Airport Extreme I had on hand in the event the one I already had at home was toast. I configured the new AAE to be a mirror of the original one and had it ready to go.

Apple allowed me to download the manual for the device and I read it from cover to cover twice. I still had The Wife's computer plugged directly into the DSL modem. Hooking up the new AAE resulted in no Internet joy. The AAE was not handing out an IP address. The AAE was configured to to access the ISP through the PPoE connection as it has been for the past three years. I hooked the new AAE to the DSL modem and plugged in all computers as it was set up in the past.

Just as I was about to resort to physical violence on the AAE a thought occurred to me. I would switch the connection type from PPoE to straight Internet. Voila...The Wife's computer had Internet. This led me to return to the Apple support site for further details about this new connection type. A two line document on the support site said to switch the AAE to act as a Bridge.

I scanned the manual again and found nothing on how to switch the AAE to act as a Bridge. I hit up the in-program Help on the AAE's software. Three simple clicks on the setup pages transformed the blinking light on the AAE from amber to good to go green after the device restarted. I fired up The Wife's browser and Internet joy was to be had. I moved over to the HP dv6000t and there was Internet joy again. I then fired up the MacBook laptop and again Internet joy.

Still have no clue as to why this happened and I'm still a bit irritated about the time consumed on the issue. However, the problem is fixed and I am happily blogging. Later...

Tell Me What You Think...

2009-11-02T17:55:00.000-08:00

The Wife, Seniors Upstairs, and I attended a Halloween party at one of the Family I Do Not Hate's house last Saturday. This is annual affair with the house transformed into a terrifying Haunted House complete with coffins, grave stones, ghouls, goblins, and plenty of spooky lighting and theater fog. In all honesty, the place is awesome.

This year I went out onto the newly transformed back deck to grab an adult beverage and chat with some fellow party goers. I noticed directly next door that there was a pretty lively party going on with a lot of loud voices. One of the guys out on the deck informed me it was his daughter's Halloween party. She was 15. The neighbor, whom I have known for a really long time, retreated back into the house. One of my cousins informed me the neighbor had caught some of the party goers sneaking in booze.

I looked out across the yard and into the neighbors yard and observed a group of young men drinking beer as well as a depleted bottle of Captain Morgan's rum. Another one of the guys had a full bottle of Jagermiester in his hands. I just shook my head in wonder. How does a parent let that go on being that he was right next door?

Later in the evening some of us went outside to get the full view of the Halloween decorations on the front of the house. My cousin, the same one I was talking to before, smelled a huge cloud of pot smoke waft through the air from the neighbor's house. My cousin told the neighbor who, slurred heavily due to the multiple tequila shots he had imbibed, and said that was not cool. He then walked off towards his house.

My cousin and I looked at each other and agreed we couldn't let the neighbor go over there by himself. Plus we wanted to view the train wreck of a situation for ourselves. We followed the neighbor up the path to his house. The smell of beer was heavy on the front porch due to a large puddle. I crossed the threshold of the front door and saw 10 to 15 kids sitting in the living room to the left. To my right sitting at the dining room table were five people, mostly males. A beer pong game was set up and ready to be played.

In the kitchen were two large piles of Costco pizzas. On the floor of the kitchen were seven or eight empty 15 packs of Bud Light. I turned from the kitchen and back to the kids at the table who were getting up and starting to run outside. One of the kids stashed something in the cabinet door of the serving bureau behind the dining room table before fleeing the house.

In the back yard were four Pacific Islander males, all over six feet. Most of the male party goers were way older than 15, some even adults. One was busy stuffing his stash of dope into his pocket as we approached the sliding glass door. On the lawn there were at least 15 to 20 people all drinking and carrying on. Three females dressed similarly to strippers half way through their routines squeezed by my cousin and I and fled the area.

The neighbor mumbled something about smoking pot not being cool and to stop. He then turned around to leave. I told him about something being stashed in his bureau and he blew it off. I shrugged, shook my head, and left the house with my cousin.

Upon arriving back at my cousin's house I told the neighbor's wife what was going on. I also strongly suggested they tell their daughter to clear the house. Over the next half hour the mom exchanged texts but never set foot in her own house to see what was going on. Other responsible adults at the party told the neighbors they could lose their house if anything happened to the under age drinkers since they were in full knowledge of the situation. Even that did not motivate them to act quickly.

The Wife and I left the party and returned an hour later to pick up the Seniors Upstairs. Apparently the daughter called 911 herself and another one of my aunt's guests went next door to clear the house.

Am I wrong in thinking the neighbor and his wife are witless turds and complicit in the delinquency of a minor? Tell me what you think...

Later.

Fart Tally Update

2009-11-01T08:46:00.000-08:00

OK, the tally has been taken for the month of October. The number is distinctly lower than in previous months. I am surprised that the elimination of one particular item has had such a significant impact on the amount of sewer fumes emanating form The Discourser's body.

The total for the month is 326. That is down 74 gaseous rumblings from the month before and the lowest daily average of the year at 10.516 .

I have, for the most part, eliminated soda from my daily regimen of eating. Soda has been replaced by iced tea. I prefer the Lipton diet iced tea; not too sweet. The occasional soda gives a little bit of a rumble. However, more than one in any given day produces big problems. Therefore I will try very hard to fully eliminate soda from the diet.

We'll see what November brings with the holidays! Later...

Windows 7 Release

2009-10-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

OK, so I waited for all the Microsoft Addicts to finish soiling themselves with excitement before I allowed myself to read anything related to reviews on the new operating system, Windows 7. I have been running XP on my Windows machines since it came out and have been happy with what it does. I avoided the whole Vista train wreck and watched first hand as The Boss purchased a Vista box for her husband's business.

I went down to her house after getting a call that their industrial sized color printer was not behaving well with the change to Vista. After working on the issue for about an hour and getting the printer to only once spit out a test page, consulting with online forums, and reading volumes of text, it was determined Vista was the problem. Apparently it did not like the printer or the Vista drivers it required me to install from the printer manufacturer. Switching to The Boss's XP laptop had the printer working like a sweat shop full of Christmas elves churning out lead painted toys.

The Boss returned the rather expensive Vista box and purchased a used Dell XP box from Craigslist at the reduced price of $99. Printing joy was soon restored to her husband's business.

With the new release of Windows 7 and after waiting for the Microsoft disciples' cultish chanting to end, I began reading CNET, Wired, and a couple of other blogsites to see what the verdict was going to be. It all seemed pretty positive. The Wired site gave a link to the Microsoft compatibility tool to determine if your current system could handle the upgrade. I downloaded that file and continued reading.

Apparently XP users cannot simply upgrade. I would have to pay upwards of $219 for the new OS, back up all my files and applications to an external drive, wipe my internal HD totally, and execute a clean install of Windows 7. Also, there was a word of warning, not all the files and applications from my backup may work in the new OS. I wasn't liking that at all...

The download finished and I ran the file to see if my HP dv6000t laptop could handle the new OS. A few minutes later the report came back. My video processor, an NVidia GeForce Go 7400 would not be able to handle the new graphics of the OS. It recommended I upgrade the graphics card. A host of other applications were not compatible and would require upgrades in order to possibly work. Definite no-joy.

On the flip side, I was able to upgrade my Black MacBook from Leopard to Snow Leopard with no system issues what-so-ever. All my applications and files worked without issue and there was no need for a total disk wipe. Oh, and the price for upgrade was only $39. That was super awesome. The other plus of switching from Leopard to Snow Leopard was less bloat in the OS. The revision freed up 7 GB of space. That was another bonus.

So, I will continue to watch as the Microsoft Zealots chant, kneel, and sob with joy as they welcome their Windows Messiah.

I was planning to adopt the new OS but since I do not plan on buying a new Windows box nor am I willing to fret over upgrading my trusty XP laptop there will be no money flowing from my pockets to Darth Gates. Instead I will be happy to use my HP for net surfing and word processing. All other tasks for multimedia design, web design, and anything else not categorized as net surfing or word processing will be handled by my MacBook.

I would rather drink Job's Kool-Aid than worship at the feet of the dark lord Darth Gates.

Great Video - Super Creative

2009-10-22T20:04:00.000-07:00

One of the Superfriends caught me online and forwarded me this great video. I thought you would all appreciate it too!

Oh Inspiration Where Have You Been?

2009-10-05T18:10:00.000-07:00

I, like many of my fellow blog-mates, have been remiss in posting anything new. I used to have so much drivel that my posts were made on a daily basis. Then my posts were every other day since I felt I was just writing to write with no purpose or reason. That has led to the infrequent postings we see today. I cannot say I am apathetic to the blog. I still love the medium. Yet I am at a loss for inspiration. My goal is to write something that is funny and gives a peek into the life of The Discourser. My life, however, is not so interesting that I can pull a daily post any longer.

Still, that will not dissuade me from relating to you the Tale of Girl Gangs Gone Wild. No, this is not a new video release from Joseph R. Francis. Rather this is a story about eighth grade girls versus seventh grade girls in a fight for superiority of the female species.

All of this drama stems from a seventh graders attempt to make herself known. She pushed and mouthed off to an eighth grade Samoan girl. If any of you have worked with, are friends with, or have gone to school with any Pacific Islanders you are aware they are a large people. This girl is probably three fourths my size. Those that know The Discourser personally will understand how large that really is. The seventh grader is about one fourth my size. Obviously the seventh grader is not that smart.

The the seventh grader gets "bumped" in the hallway by a friend of the eighth grader and a fight ensues. Seventh grader is suspended one day and eighth grade girl was required to have her mother come in and talk to us. This "fight", more of a slap you in the face/ pull your hair and cry contest, was at the end of the day and we hoped everything would be over. No such luck.

Seventh grade girl's mouth keeps running and gets her into more trouble with yet another eighth grade girl. This one just happens to be a wannabe Red gang member. Wannabe gang member, not wanting to actually get her hands dirty, sends one of her puppet stooges to attack seventh grade girl. Eighth grade stooge gets a handful of seventh grade girl's hair and proceeds to smash her head into the lockers, punch her in the head, and administer a minor concussion before being separated by staff.

Seventh grade girl, now known as Concussion Girl/ formerly known as Everyone is Jealous of Me Girl (that was the reason she gave for all the girl drama before the last fight) makes her statement and is taken home by her parent. Eighth Grade Stooge Girl is spoken to by the police and taken home by her parent and suspended three days. All is done right? No...there is more.

Wannabe Red Gang Member Girl is brought in on a related charge of threatening another seventh grade girl. We find she is carrying some night time cold medicine whose primary ingredient is alcohol, gang graffiti, and her pupils were as big as black marbles; a sure sign she is on something. We suspend her for five days for the threats, possession of dangerous objects, and threats and intimidation. Done? No...

Today we had a second visitation from the loyal Boys in Blue. Apparently the responding officers on Friday did not arrest the suspect. We, along with Angry Officer interviewed people from 9 to 11:30 in the morning. The conclusion? Angry Officer was going to visit every involved student and draw a line in the sand. The message? Fight and you will be expelled not only by the school but by the police as well. In no uncertain terms Angry Officer will kick you and your family out of town. Do NOT mess with Angry Officer...ever.

And so ends The Tale of Girl Gangs Gone Wild. I'm off to do some reading...Later.

Incredible Motivational Video...

2009-09-23T22:49:00.000-07:00

An awesome video sent to my from The Boss. Great for motivation...take two minutes from your busy lives to watch it. Later...

FCA and the Long, Strange Trip

2009-09-14T19:26:00.000-07:00

As many of you know The Wife and I have been acting as the caretaker and responsible party for FCA, my Freakishly Crazy Aunt. The Wife and I began this strange trip in December of 2005 with the passing of her husband, my uncle. The Wife and I were the primary party who would take FCA to the doctor, the grocery store, the pet store, the hairdresser, the pharmacy, and to the bank. We were regularly over her house in Dementiaville three times a week.

As time progressed we were attending to her every need making certain she followed doctor's orders and took the medication prescribed to her. Eventually her Douche Bag Son came back to town after a 20 year hiatus looking for a free ride and a handout. Douche Bag Son comes to help out his mom but actually ends up being a huge liability to her existence. In fact, FCA KNOWS that Douche Bag Son is such a loser she puts legal pieces in place to guard against being fleeced for everything she had. The downside of the legal maneuvers is that she puts The Wife and I in charge.

So we continue acting as caretakers and her only support system over the past four years. A year ago FCA takes a tumble and breaks her hip. We believe she was "helped" in her fall by Douche Bag Son looking for a payday but we cannot prove our suspicions. Anyway, FCA enters the hospital, has her hip repaired, and was dismissed to a rehab facility. At the rehab facility she demonstrated she had no capacity to follow through on her own rehab. FCA was placed in a 24 hour care facility for her safety and was told by her doctors she would need to stay there for the rest of her life. Obviously this was hard on FCA but she made the adjustment.

FCA continued to struggle with her rehabilitation and eventually encountered medical issues that were negatively affecting her health. Her doctors, bless them, worked to help her at every turn. However, she was growing older and weaker. We were told her body was slowly shutting down. Sad really when you consider how strong she had been for so long and how independent she was all her life.

In July her doctors made the call to place her in the care of a hospice agency. Her health continued to deteriorate and she became weaker and weaker. The hospice care people were unbelievably awesome and caring. These people are truly gifts from Heaven. They were respectful of her wishes, ensured she was always comfortable, and cared for her every need.

Over the Labor Day weekend FCA began to struggle with her breathing. Her difficulties became so severe late in the weekend that the care facility called hospice. By Monday The Wife and I were by her side spending as much time as possible with her and reassuring her she would be feeling great very soon. Various family members stopped in to pay their respects while FCA struggled. Douche Bag Son finally arrived after I called him. He spent some time with her and was able to say his goodbyes.

Tuesday while at work I got the call she had passed. Senior Mom and my last remaining uncle met me at her care facility. I stayed with her through the morning and into the afternoon until the funeral home picked up her body. FCA passed away comfortable and in little to no pain thanks to the hospice workers.

The Wife and I tended to her arrangements as per FCA's wishes. Every detail was adhered to out of respect and the family gathered for her viewing last Saturday. We shared stories from our past with FCA and our uncle and laughed, remembering her as she was. FCA was, at times, harsh and difficult to be around. However, if you were able to stick it out and get beneath the abrasive exterior, you were rewarded with a kind and generous person. That is the FCA The Wife and I will remember.

There are stories to be told about our four years as her care takers but those will be for a later post. Right now I do not want to give any indication of negativity. Rather, I want to observe that the first part of the Long, Strange Trip is over and FCA has journeyed to a better, safer place where she can be with her beloved animals and her husband. I wonder if Heaven allows smoking and has a casino? If so, FCA truly is happy!

Later...

The iRiver is No More

2009-09-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

Alas poor iRiver your existence as a multimedia device was short. However, your new purpose in life is to act as a universal storage device.

Through persistence and Internet research I was able to find information on how to reformat the HDD within the iRiver H10 20GB media player. Actually, it was easier than I ever thought possible. All I had to do was connect the device to my computer, hold down one of the buttons and power on the iRiver. My computer recognized it as a drive rather than a device (F: to be exact.)

From there I was able to access the menu to do a full reformat. That took around 15 minutes and utterly wiped out everything on the device. From there I moved it from my HP laptop to my MacBook. I then opened up the drive, transferred a few files to test the universal capability, and disconnected the drive. I went back to my HP, hooked up, and the files were there and readable.

I am now the proud owner of a re-purposed iRiver H10. The task was kind of cool and I am glad I took the time to try something a bit different today. Now, what else can I mess with...

Later...

iPod versus Anything Else

2009-09-06T10:38:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know me in the real world, The Discourser is a fanboy of anything electronic. The newer and cooler the better. A number of years ago I had become interested in the world of MP3 players. I was yet to be sold on the whole iPod craze at the time because The Boy was having so much trouble with his 3rd Gen. We had returned it to the Apple store so many times they told us to never come back.

Anyway, to avoid the same issues with the then flighty 3rd Gen iPod I began doing research. My Internet travels revealed what the industry at the time hailed as the best competition to the iPod. That device was marketed as the iRiver H10. The iRiver had a color screen, 20 GB of storage space, could handle photos as well as music, and looked great in the various colors it was given. That year the GoG pulled together and purchased me one for my birthday. I was in heaven!

I loaded the software onto my laptop, plugged the iRiver into the USB port, and happily loaded all my 80's and 90's music onto the thing via Windows Media Player 9. Happy days were had by all...

Then iRiver announced the firmware upgrades. At the same time Microsoft announced its upgrade to WMP10. Great I thought. I will upgrade the firmware and then upgrade WMP! The firmware upgrade was a buggy endeavor that took far too much time with little improvement in the overall functionality of the product. In fact, all that changed was the hour glass icon when you were having to wait for the device to respond.

The upgrade to Windows Media Player 10 was a huge mistake. Things were working lovely on version 9. However 10 proved to be fraught with interface issues. I would be able to sync the iRiver maybe 20% of the time without it freezing and requiring a reset. I had to have a miniature safety pin sitting next to my computer at all times because of the frequency of the issues. Meanwhile, Apple junked the Gen 3 iPods and released the Gen 4 versions. Better on board OS and reliability of the hardware. I was still dedicated to the iRiver and refused to drink the Kool-Aid.

The iRiver continued to be buggy even when not connected to WMP. The handy miniature safety pin was a must have even when using the device away from the computer. It became so frustrating that the iRiver became a semi-permanent fixture on my night stand. In January of 2008 The Wife and I purchased iPhones for our upgrade replacements with our cellular service.

At that time I was using an Apple MacBook as well as my trusty HP laptop. I had switched out my Linksys router and wifi access point with an Apple Airport Extreme. The Wife had replaced her aged HP desktop with a sleek 20-inch iMac. A year prior to that she had picked up a MacBook for use at work and got a 120 GB iPod Classic to replace her insanely problematic iRiver H10 20 GB (Red). The addition of the iPhone was further evidence I had been drinking the Apple Kool-Aid. At first it was little sips but now I am chugging the stuff like a street wino down a jug of Gallo.

The ease of iTunes and the sleek interface made WMP look like something cobbled together by disgruntled elves in Santa's workshop. The death blow to the iRiver came last Father's Day when I received my own 120 GB iPod Classic. It is simply joyous! I have some of my favorite movies as well as my entire music collection on the device with never a hiccup in service. The iPod is truly awesome. I highly recommend one if you are into digital media. It is so much better than carting around 220 CD's and 20 something movies wherever I go.

Today I am futzing with the iRiver, trying to see if I can "crack" its inner working and at least make it a universal 20 GB mass storage device. If that task cannot be accomplished the still attractive device will be relegated to the Misfit Island of Unused Electronics at the back of my closet. Actually, Misfit Island is nothing more than a shoebox with dead tech. I am not super hopeful for the iRiver's future...

Off to the deconstruct the iRiver. Later...

My Name Is Filth

2009-09-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

I am filthy...no question about it. If you can't figure it out it is Fart Tally Update Day.

The new total for the month of August is...459.

Good Lord something horrible is wrong with me. There is no rhyme or reason to my rumbling innards. I can adjust my diet for a few days and the change to the daily tally is minimal. Things that increase the daily tally are:

Super Burritos from almost anywhere.
Pizza.
Anything containing a hint of garlic. (The Wife usually asks me to sleep outside)
Carbonated drinks both alcoholic and non-alcoholic.
Soft Cheeses.
Cabbage. (I can't stand myself)
Greasy Foods. (Fast food is out)

As we can see, most any foods are triggers for poo fumes. I am now working to address my gut busting issues with an adjustment in my morning breakfast and lunch time meals. Hopefully the adjustment in the diet will reduce the tally for September. You will be the first to know.

That's all for now. Oh, the annual tally for the year including the month of August is 3269. Like I said...My Name is Filth.

Later...

We Done Be Back at School

2009-08-31T20:06:00.000-07:00

Well, the lazy days of Summer have been left in the rear view mirror and the long road of the school year is unwinding in front of us. I officially went back to work in mid-August while The Wife officially went back last week.

The return for me was a lot different than in previous years. Normally I am still struggling to finish the school's master schedule and have it in place before the students and families come to pick them up a few days before school starts. In previous years I have had near meltdowns trying to construct work arounds to seriously crippling system issues. One year saw my Network Manager and I work for 72 hours to shoehorn the schedule into something akin to order and publish it so kids had a place to go on the first day. The clean up on that one took months.

Other years have seen me in varying stages of absolute panic and frustration; an unstable human time bomb on the verge of exploding and laying waste to everything in sight. Most of my gray hair in the past ten years has come from this annual exercise. This year was different.

Administratively, we made large scale changes "under the hood" of our master schedule. We positioned students for success and while no one on the outside would know we made big changes, those on the inside understand significant adjustments were made. The placement of kids was a huge deal but was accomplished rather quickly. I was able to "push the button" and schedule the kids a week before my school year ended. I spent the following day looking for problems and found none. I was stunned. My annual task of was done...no freak outs, no crawling into a ball under my desk, no spontaneous primal screams while pounding on my keyboard, and no late night sacrifices to the Schedule Gods.

I returned for the new year not needing to muck with the schedule in any way. Minor changes were made along the way but nothing where I had to get my hands dirty. The lack of massive stress and tension was a most unfamiliar feeling. The upshot of the lack of stress and time suck allowed me to focus on other tasks normally left unattended until the schedule was set. As it stands today I am massively caught up. The feeling is fantastic. I have NEVER started a school year feeling on top of the game. I like it...

Updates:

Fart Tally updates are fast approaching. Updates will be published tomorrow evening. This one is going to be close to a record breaker so stay tuned.
Book Reading has been on hold for the month of August. I still have Neal Stephenson's "Anathem" sitting on my shelf staring at me. I will begin reading on September 1. I've already surpassed my New Year's Resolution goal of one book a month. Thus far I have read 14 books for the year. This next one is going to be tough though.
I have become a total Apple Mac fan over the Summer. I was a fan before but now I am a total convert. I still love my HP laptop but for anything remotely involving multimedia I gotta have my Mac. People complain about the "Mac Tax", that extra $800 - 1000 you pay for a Mac. Shut up and pay it...its the best investment.

Enough for now...I think I'm going to finish watching Bubble Gum Crisis on my iPod. Later...

Movie Reviews

2009-08-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

Every summer The Wife and I generally overdose on movies. We use Netflix and also rent through the local Hollywood Video store. Having nearly over indulged I would like to offer up some reviews of the films we have seen. not all have been wonderful, in fact, some have been horrible. Anyway, here goes...

"The Haunting in Connecticut": The movie started out with massive potential. Some cool effects and semi-scary scenes. The film took a serious downturn about midway through. The story unraveled and became weak. The effects could no longer carry the movie and it became hideous. The movie is only good for around 30 minutes. After that, take out the DVD and use it as a Frisbee. That would be more fun than watching the rest of the movie.

"Blart Mall Cop": Kevin James is hilarious. The story fell flat at times but you must remember this is not "Caddyshack" or "Animal House". The action sequences were freaking hilarious and the character interactions were truly funny. I would see this one again for fun.

"Obsessed": This was obviously a vehicle to promote Beyonce as an actress. She was pretty darned good as an ass kicking actress. The fight between her and Ali Larter was good although the end was a bit disappointing. Check this one out.

"Marley and Me": See it and bring tissue. I am a hard ass and never, ever become emotional at anything. This movie absolutely, utterly destroyed me. I know, I know...stupid. However, the movie ripped my guts out. I was an emotional mess. Do not ask questions. Do not hesitate. Watch the movie.

"The Visitor": According to The Wife this one was recommended by someone. It sucked massively. I could not make it to thirty minutes. In fact, we pulled the movie out of the DVD player at around the 20 minute mark. Forget this one. It was like watching paint dry. In fact, I would rather watch paint dry. Watching paint dry means I would have accomplished something worthwhile.

"The Happening": It appears that M. Night Shamalan blew his load on "The Sixth Sense". The dialogue was flat, the acting was wooden, and I actually felt bad for the actors. The female lead in the film could have easily been replaced by a mannequin. Her screen presence was pitiful and she might as well been part of the set. There was little to no mystery or suspense. It SUCKED and I was pissed I lost 90 minutes of my life.

"The Knowing": Premise kind of cool, special effects good, actual story blew chunks. The end was hideous. Space aliens? Really? I will say no more...

"Bangkok Dangerous": Here it is in a nutshell...great intro, action sequences pretty good, romantic attachment forced, ending crappy. I enjoyed the movie up to the end because I reveled in the action sequences. Now, don't get me wrong, this was no John Woo "Killer" or "Hard Boiled" but it was fun action. If you have to choose between this movie and say, "The Sound of Music", choose "Bangkok Dangerous".

"Bride Wars": Very funny movie. Ding purchased the movie and we watched it while staying in The Red State. I had little to no expectation for this movie and planned to catch a nap while everyone watched. However, I was pleasantly surprised and fully enjoyed the movie. Cute, funny, and fun.

"Confessions of a Shopaholic": Another Ding choice and a decent one at that. In the same vein as "Bride Wars". Keep your expectations low and do not search for any real story and you will not be disappointed. A nice choice over cleaning a hair clog from the drain.

"I Love You Man": This movie was very funny. It was all the more better due to the appearance of the band, Rush. Additionally, the film was helped by Rush music throughout. The comedy is fun and the awkwardness of the main character is nearly unwatchable. I really enjoyed it, especially after the first day back to work from vacation.

"Watchmen": Stupendous movie. Visuals blew my mind. I am a massive nerd fanboy of the original comic miniseries and have been salivating at the thought of seeing it in film. I can see where an non fanboy would have a tough time with the story but I so enjoyed every moment. If you are a geek like me it is a must see.

I am suffering from amnesia at the moment. I know we watched about 10 more movies but I cannot for the life of me remember what they were. Anyway, these are the reviews of the ones I can remember seeing. If my amnesiac episode passes and I remember more I will list them. Until then...

The GoG and SPAM Logs

2009-08-09T20:32:00.000-07:00

Last night the GoG convened for a meeting of geekdom here at The Homestead. In attendance were The Professor, our mighty story teller, The Craftsman, The Warden, Rave Boy, NTT's Brain, The Acupuncturist, and myself. A few days before convening the GoG The Wife and I did some shopping at the local Costco.

I had seen these on the last trip to Costco but was banned from purchasing them. This time I would not be denied. I believed the GoG needed to try the new SPAM hot dogs. Of course being SPAM, there is no way you could buy only one package. No, you are required by SPAM Law to purchase three packs of eight SPAM hot dogs.

The plan was to grill the SPAM dogs which I will refer to as "logs" from this point forward. To accompany the SPAM logs I had planned to make sticky rice. Now, being the GoG I took 10 cups of rice and popped the rice into the steamer. The result was 20 cups of steamed rice! I absolutely LOVE sticky rice and SPAM. The plan to grill the SPAM logs was dashed due to crappy weather. To compensate I cooked them in the oven until they were semi-brown. My cookie sheet could only handle 16 SPAM logs so one package went unused.

I was giddy with excitement as I pulled them from the oven all pink and brown in their SPAMMY glory. I loaded my bowl with steamed rice, garnished with plenty of soy sauce, and plopped two SPAM logs onto the starchy mountain. I dug in expecting to have a salty, processed meat flavor overpower my senses. Sadly, the SPAM logs were more like regular hot dogs than regular SPAM molded into logs. Now, don't get me wrong, this is SPAM we are talking about. I still enjoyed the SPAM log experience. It was just not up to my expectations. As a loyal SPAM fan I will always give new products a try. How could you not love pork and mechanically separated chicken parts?

A quick check of the official SPAM website has alerted me to two products I have yet to try; SPAM with Cheese and SPAM Spread. I have already tried everything else. I am pretty sure I would try SPAM soda if it came out. In fact, I was joking with Ding that I would give her 20 bucks to drink the SPAM juice left in the SPAM log package. She nearly threw up at the thought. However, The Craftsman and I both agreed we would drink it for 20 bucks. I would try SPAM soda for free.

Anyway, even though our primary rice consumer The Supergoober was missing, we of the GoG polished off nearly all 20 cups of rice and the 16 SPAM logs. The Craftsman took a little rice home for his wife and I squirreled away the rest for The Wife.

Today I am suffering minimal affects from the SPAM log experiment. There are still eight left in the refrigerator that I may actually throw on the grill to see if I can seal in the salty SPAM yumminess and redeem the SPAM log reputation.

I am now off to fold some laundry and watch some tube. All Hail SPAM!

Goodbye John Hughes and Thanks for the Memories

2009-08-06T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today I heard that John Hughes passed away from a heart attack while exercising on a visit to family in New York. For those of you who slept through the 80's and 90's Hughes was the voice of the frustrated, awkward, and struggling teen trying to find their place in the hierarchy of life. Hughes was responsible for some of my absolute favorite movies including "The Breakfast Club."

A few weeks ago I sat and watched the Director's Cut of "The Breakfast Club" while The Wife and Ding were out running errands. It was the 25th anniversary edition and includes a 12 part interview with Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, Anthony Michael Hall, and the guy who played Carl the Janitor. Every one of them praised Hughes' genius at writing, working with young people, identifying talent, and allowing the actors to contribute to the work. The piece was prolific at highlighting the dramas of the high school life by deconstructing the walls surrounding the archetypes of every high school experience: the Basketcase (now Emo), the Princess, the Jock, the Nerd, and the Criminal (punk, skater, rocker, etc).

More than his professional accomplishments Hughes put into words and visuals what I felt as an awkward teen. I suffered from an identity crisis of sorts as I sought out the crowd that would accept me through high school. I have never identified with a writer in such a way before or since. The best part of "The Breakfast Club" was there was a piece of me in every character all with the undertone of paranoia and insecurity of a teen.

Hughes' other works are no less prolific. I will always make time for "Sixteen Candles" when it is on television and "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" never disappoints me even though I have seen it countless number of times. Hughes had the magical ability to create characters you loved almost immediately while putting them into situations you could barely watch because the embarrassment factor was so high. Think Anthony Michael Hall in the blues club taking Blind Dog Bourbon shots, Molly Ringwald's total humiliation at finding Farmer Ted (Michael Anthony Hall again) charged people to see her panties, or the entire "National Lampoon's Vacation." No matter how awkward or embarrassing, the characters you became connected to always persevered.

Hughes has provided me with countless laughs and enjoyment over the many years since. He was the champion of the high school misfit who had us cheering for the dork hoping like Hell they would find true love/ acceptance/ respect. Moreover, Hughes wanted his characters to stop if only for a moment, to look at what was right in front of them, and appreciate what they had instead of chasing a false image thrust upon them by the masses. I am grateful for his time on this planet and what he was able to leave behind.

In the immortal words of Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Last Stop of the Summer

2009-08-05T10:22:00.001-07:00

The Wife and I make an annual trek to a lovely seaside resort community to celebrate our wedding anniversary and to recharge our batteries before embarking on another exhausting year in the education world. This year saw us again staying at our favorite resort, a rustic remodeled milk farm outside of the main town. We were both concerned about the weather as it has been rather gloomy in years past. The weather forecast for the area was partly cloudy/ cloudy with temperatures in the mid-60s. The weather has been stellar; nothing like the forecasts.

We arrived in town and checked into the resort. Being early we were unable to get into our room so decided to explore the area and visit some of our favorite sites. The main shopping plaza has the best cheese shop in the world. We make our yearly stop to pick up a hunk of aged Prima Donna Gouda cheese, some Havarti dill, a salami, some bread and crackers, and whatever artisan cheese we find tasty. The next stop is to some of our favorite shops. Unfortunately the recession claimed the life of a place The Wife enjoys visiting.

After we checked back into the room we took a ride along the coast and parked at an overlook to watch the ocean. We sat as the sun began to set, watching the seals and otters frolic in the surf when I spied three dorsal fins in the water. Let me stop you there. This was not a triple Jaws sighting. These were three dolphins making their way along the coast about 100 feet off the surf parallel to the beach. The sight was amazing. As I told The Wife, "Paradise just got better."

Here are a couple of pictures I took using my iPhone while having lunch.

There was so much we have done in the past few days that is just amazing. The views are all breathtaking and the sound of the surf pounding against the rocks and rolling up onto the beaches is magically therapeutic. This place is healing. I drive around the town and look at all the quaint houses wishing like Hell I could live here. However, I wonder if living here would sustain that magical feeling The Wife and I get when we descend into the town from the highway above. I imagine something would be lost living day to day in this environment. I know that being away for as long as we are makes the visit all the better.

The other bonus about our getaway is that it forces us to relax. There is no Internet access at the resort. In fact, there is barely cell service. We have to drive into town and visit a local coffee shop to use their free WiFi (like right now!). Some mornings we wake up to the sheep talking to one another outside our room. Their pen is just outside our porch doors and the addition of a new baby has been fun to see.

Anyway, I ramble. Today is The Wife and my 14th anniversary. We are off to visit the local coastline, dine on some good food, and walk the main street to visit more shops. Sadly, we will be leaving tomorrow to return to the madness that is home. However, we will definitely be back next year. I don't think I could go without The Wife and I being here. These are my favorite days of summer.

Peace...

Monthly Update

2009-07-31T23:24:00.001-07:00

OK folks, it is that time again...time for the monthly update on The Discourser's Fart Tracker.

The month of July was a rough one on The Discourser. His trip to the South and all the rich foods that come with the trip was devastating. Biscuits and gravy, fried everything, and all sorts of desserts and sweets was brutal on the digestive system. Toss in a SPAM attack while camping and all sorts of yummy camp foods and we have a near record month. Only May was gassier in the Homestead.

And now without further ado...the total for July is...

431

The total for the last seven months is as follows:

January: 392
February: 346
March: 350
April: 383
May: 464
June: 404
July: 431

Yearly total to date: 2770

That is 2770 reeking clouds of sewage scum flowing out of The Discourser's body. I am sickened at my internal nastiness. Small wonder that the rest of The Homestead has constant burning eyes. I am wretched...

Off to reset the tally taker for August. Woohoo!

Three Weddings and a Funeral

2009-07-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

The primary reason for our Cross Country Trek this year was to pay our respects to The Wife's grandmother. "Grandma Dee" was one of those people you are lucky to meet in your lifetime. She was and will always be one of the most incredible people I will ever have the privilege of meeting. She passed at the age of 99 back in October of 2008. We were going to have the memorial in the Red State and then transport her remains to her longtime home in the north.

Having conducted the open house/ memorial we loaded up the Cross Country Cruiser to head towards points north. We arrived at our destination later in the day and set ourselves up in the hotel. The next day The Wife, Ding, myself, and The Friend from the East set out for the memorial park where Grandma Dee would be interred. The Wife's parents arrived a few minutes after us and the three of them were whisked into a family conference room by a lady who was the spitting image of Rachel Ray.

We waited out in the lobby for quite some time until The Wife came out, grabbed me by the arm, and asked me to come to the back room. On the way back she asked if I had my minister's license with me. I quickly produced it from my wallet and showed her as we got to the door of the family conference room. Apparently the memorial park, among their myriad of fees, required that a funeral director or a member of the clergy be present to conduct the ceremony. I could only guess at what the asking price for a funeral director or an on-call clergy member costs but I surmised it was around $500 - $600.

Now, being that I am Reverend Discourser one would surmise I was dressed in a shirt, tie, slacks, dress shoes, and possibly a blazer or sport coat. No. I entered the room with the Rachel Ray look-alike (even down to her voice and personality), her boss, and the in-laws wearing a backwards baseball cap, jean shorts, and a t-shirt that read "I'd Like to Help You but I Can't Fix Stupid." Yep, that's me...your irreverent reverend.

The next day we arrived for the ceremony. Our time at the grave site was solemn and heart wrenchingly sad. The total time for my service was under five minutes. When I think about the charges from the memorial park I get pissed. I would be able to charge $100 a minute or $6000 an hour according to those charlatans. What a freaking racket death has become.

Anyway, now I have performed three weddings and a funeral. All I need is one more wedding to be like the 1994 movie starring Hugh Grant and Andie MacDowell (thanks IMDB). For those of you out there planning on getting married, I work for food and beer and promise a super simple ceremony that is legal thanks to the Universal Life Church, the Internet, and five minutes one evening.

I'm off to try to fix our super expensive bed that has apparently broken causing The Wife and I to sleep at near 45 degree angles. Great fun for all! Later...

Additional Ratings in the AAA Handbooks

2009-07-15T20:52:00.000-07:00

Before we left on the big trek across the country and back The Wife made the obligatory trip to AAA for the regional travel books. She picked up every book of every state we would cross through on our journey. By using the books we are able to find hotels, restaurants, and learn a little about the regions we visit.

For anyone who has used one of these books you are familiar with the AAA Diamond Rating for motels, hotels, and restaurants. The diamond rating system is like the star ratings for movies and the like. Establishments get red diamonds if they are a premiere AAA establishment. Black diamonds are for those that are not premiere. I am still unsure as to what constitutes a premiere establishment since some of them have been a little questionable over our years of travel.

The ratings are, in part, based upon cleanliness, quality of service, and amenities provided to guests. I am planning on petitioning AAA to include in their accounting for ratings a section that examines the best place to take a crap.

Now, having traveled across an absurd amount of states, eaten in a massive amount of restaurants and stayed in many different hotels, I think that a crap rating is appropriate. Honestly, wouldn't you appreciate a rating that describes the cleanliness of a bathroom? For instance the Steak N Shake at exit 286 on Interstate 44 in St. Louis was a great place to eat but hideous if you wanted to take a #2. I do not necessarily use the bathroom in every establishment we stop in but it would be nice to know if it is clean and comfortable.

I would truly love to see the rating included in the hotel ratings. I judge a bathroom good if it matches the quality and comfort of my personal bathroom in The Dungeon. Kingman, Arizona's Summerhill Suites gets a top rating from me. The bathroom was separated into two rooms. One was the toilet and sink, the other room was the shower. Awesome for getting ready in the morning and for comfort. Definite for red diamonds. The bathroom at the Old Albuquerque Hotel in Albuquerque, New Mexico would get one black diamond. Comfort was a near zero and made things difficult.

The bathrooms at all Cracker Barrel restaurants are great for #1 and are generally clean. The first stall is cramped due to the absurdly large sized handicapped toilet. The first stall toilet is so low to the ground it feels like you are squatting and not sitting. The handicapped toilet is so tall my feet barely touched the floor. Number 2 is uncomfortable at best. Oh, and the plumbing in one poor Cracker Barrel was devastated. Thank goodness The Wife and Ding were already in the car with the engine running. That place smelled like the elephant pen at the circus on a hot summer day.

Anyway, I plan on contacting AAA in the near future to see if I can get my rating added to the travel books. Keep yer fingers crossed.

Later...

First There was Jesus and Then There was Porn

2009-07-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

The Wife, Ding, and I have traveled through a multitude of states on our Cross Country Cruise. Actually, we traveled through eleven states total as we crossed the country. Many of those states comprise the southern portion of our great country and are comprised of some deeply religious folks. Some scary religious folks...

What the three of us found absurdly funny was a proliferation of "Adult Superstores" along the exits of the roadway. These superstores are targeting the long haul truck drivers and offer a variety of services and merchandise. Some offer only books and videos while others are attached to some rather scummy looking strip clubs advertising XXX dancers. I wonder what the quality of dancer one gets in the middle of rural Kentucky...I actually shudder at the thought and refuse to even begin to generate a picture of a stripper in my mind for fear of not being able to get the image out.

Anyway, we were also amazed that the amount of Adult Superstore advertisements were equaled by "Jesus Saves" and "Jesus is Lord" billboards. Apparently the South is comprised of God fearing, Jesus loving sex addicts who get their porn on for six days and then go ask Jesus for forgiveness on Sunday. The best example was the "Christian Family Life Center" four doors down from the "Adult XXX Super Center" somewhere in Kentucky.

It seems to be the Bible thumping, self righteous, intolerant, Christian right wing south are a bunch of hypocrites who love their porn as much as grits, biscuits and gravy.

Off to unpack...more later.

Jesus Says, "Bring Your Gun to Church"

2009-07-12T17:38:00.000-07:00

We were sitting around in the in-laws Red State Homestead watching the news one night when a story came on about a church in Kentucky. The pastor was on the screen defending his recent decree for the flock of his parish. Pastor Jimmy Joe looked into the camera and proudly stated in a mush-mouth Southern drawl that he encouraged his followers to bring their guns to church.

WTF!?!

You read it correctly. He was telling the world at large that Jesus was OK with bringing your side arm to church. The pastor said the guns had to be checked that there was no ammunition before entering and that made it as safe to have a gun as a cell phone in the church. My question was, "What about the God fearing f*&%-tard that decides to bring in an extra clip of ammo or a pocketful of bullets and decides to blow away a few prayer worshipers before taking him/ herself out? Yeah, that Bible or hymnal is going to do a lot to stop the shower of bullets.

What infuriated me more was the idiotic complicity demonstrated by his parishioners and the public interviewed by CNN. To them it was just fine to bring a gun to church. I can just see Jesus nodding his head and agreeing with these fine examples of human flotsam. Funny though, in all those artist renditions of Jesus never did I see a Glock sticking out of his rope belt. I guess their brand of God is way more redneck than mine.

I am upset that yet another generation of fabulously ignorant morons will be raised in a church that condones bringing a gun to Sunday mass. Further, I must shake my head in anger/ bewilderment/ disgust at a group of people that will continue to taint their part of the world and spread their disease of ignorance. Trying to show these people the error of their ways is impossible given they still proudly display their Confederate flags, hiding behind the excuse that they are proud of their heritage not that it is a symbol of slavery and oppression to anyone who can spell "Confederate".

I was forced to turn the channel lest I throw my TV tray through the screen. I guess that is why I don't live in the South and choose to live in a progressive environment.

I'm off to watch some hotel TV...Later.

Catching Up with the Cross Country Trek

2009-07-12T16:51:00.000-07:00

The Wife, Ding, and I are sitting in the giant Red State, home of the Buffoon President, sweltering in the triple digit heat. We caught up with Paul's 365 Photo Blog and his wife in the center of the neighboring Red State to the East. We had the chance to see them on both ends of the trip. It was great to spend some time with them since they moved from the Left Coast and The Wife and I realized how much we miss them being local.

There is a lot to report so I will do them in separate installments. Here are the titles of a few upcoming entries...

"Jesus says, 'Bring Your Gun to Church.'"

"First There was Jesus and Then There was Porn."

"Additional Ratings in the AAA Travel Book"

I am off to locate ice and water for The Wife. See you soon...

The Ten Commandments of Road Travel

2009-07-03T12:29:00.001-07:00

The Wife and I have found that there are certain do's and don'ts of traveling the roadways of this great country of ours. This short installment will give you the Ten Commandments of the Road. Here we go.

Ten Commandments of the Road

1. Thou Shalt Not Eat a Four Foot Rope of Teriyaki Beef Jerky in the Car.

2. Thou Shalt Not Eat a Bag of Original Shrimp Chips in the Car.

3. Thou Shalt Not Violate Commandments 1 and 2 at the Same Time.

4. Thou Shalt Not Drink a 44 oz. Big Gulp in the Car...Ever.

5. Thou Shalt Not Eat Anywhere that Advertises "Home Cooking."

6. Thou Shalt Not Call the Local Police Officers "Roscoe" or "Enos."

7. Thou Shalt Not Refer to the Locals as "Jethro", "Cletus", or "Ellie May."

8. Thou Shalt Not Let Your Gas Tank Drop Below a Quarter. (You never know where you will have to go in desperation to fill up).

9. Thou Shalt Never Pick "Shortest Route" on the GPS...Very Scary Places You Will Find.

Finally...

10. Thou Shalt Not Fart in the Car When the Heat Index is over 100 Outside.

Finally in the Red State

2009-06-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

The Wife, Ding, and I have finally landed here in the Red State. I am tired from the drive and will post something more tomorrow. I just wanted to take the time to post a picture of the odometer from the Cross Country Cruiser. On it you can see the overall distance, the average miles per gallon over the course of the entire ride, and the temperature at 6:58 p.m.

First Day on the Road

2009-06-26T18:47:00.000-07:00

The Wife, Ding, and I began our trek to the Red State early this morning. We left The Homestead close to six in the morning and made our first stop within the first mile. The Wife and I had to feed our addiction to caffeine by stopping at the Starbucks up the street. Once caffinated we set forth on the massive trail.

The Wife printed up a bunch of stuff from AAA including the entire route map from door to door with all hotel stops in between. In addition to the printed material we set the destination into the built in GPS in the new Cross Country Cruiser. We followed the GPS while consulting with the printed maps as additional reference. When programming the GPS we were given three routed to take. Te first was overtly long and did not look similar to the one from the printed map or the one in my iPhone. The second looked close and we chose it. The Wife and I never bothered to look at the third route. A decision that proved costly.

We made our usual stop at our favorite fruit stand to off load our coffee and stretch our legs. I purchased a four foot rope of beef jerky and some original flavored shrimp chips. The three of us hit the road soon after. By the way, four feet of jerky rope and shrimp chips wreak havoc on my innards.

The GPS was guiding us down the roadway towards the junctions leading to the main highway eastward. The Cross Country Cruiser maneuvered through traffic and carried us through the highway junctions and switches. On our approach to a main southern artery the GPS gave us a strange direction. We were told to turn left off of a highway and onto an old version of the highway. The Wife and I thought it was strange but followed the female GPS voice. The directions took us through some back country roads dotted with the relics of civilization. Abandoned houses, run down businesses, and a smattering of people were seen int he sweltering heat.

The GPS then told us to take a highway North when The Wife and I were certain we were supposed to take it South. Again we shrugged and followed the GPS voice. About an hour into the this latest direction we realized the GPS was taking us away from the route we were familiar with. Too bad we realized the error too late. We were past the point of no return.

The Wife and I stopped in the middle of no where, got stuck in the bathroom line at a gas station behind a bus load of eastern European tourists, and continued on the slow moving to lane highway. We were resigned to following the stupid GPS. I had now grown to hate the female voice inside the GPS.

I took the next direction and we found ourselves driving down a two lane road through the desert. Cell service? None. Internet network availability? None. Houses? None. People? None. Other traffic? None. We were literally alone in the middle of the desert riding to who-knows-where. An hour or so later and four equally obscure highway interchanges later and we found ourselves approaching civilization.

Twelve ours after leaving The Homestead the three of us found our way to the hotel. The route the filthy bitch GPS took us on was ten miles shorter but two ours longer than the one we have taken in the past. God I hate her...

Over dinner The Wife suggested naming the female GPS voice. Names were tossed about and we all settled on Bea. Bea as in Beatrice. I liked Bea because when it screws up I can call her Beeotch! I am done with the road today. Tomorrow we again leave at the ass crack of dawn, fill up the tank, and hit the road once more.

Talk to you at the next stop. I am off to watch a little local tube and shower off the grime of the road.

Later...

Heading Off to the Red State

2009-06-21T13:07:00.000-07:00

The Wife, Ding, and I are preparing for a three week odyssey to the Red State. The journey is being undertaken to conduct a memorial service for her grandmother who passed away in October at the age of 99. We will be holding a memorial in the Red State and then journey North to have her buried next to her husband. From there, the three of us will head back towards the Left Coast cutting through the most useless part of the country.

As unbelievable as it may be, Ding passed her driver's license test and is now the proud holder of an official state license. She will be able to bear part of the driving burden as we trek to the Red State. During those times I will be in the back seat of the Cross Country Cruiser watching movies and reading.

One thing to look forward to is seeing our friends who recently relocated. Paul's 365 Photo Blog and his wife returned to parts eastward and we will be making a stop to see them and partake in some local delicacies. After that we will cross more scorched Earth until we arrive in the Red State.

I am also looking forward to the journey North. While the reason we are venturing North is for a sad reason, there are friends and sights all of us are excited to see. I cannot wait to eat at some of our old local haunts and partake of things we cannot find here at The Homestead. The stay in the Red State and our stay in the North will be like a whirlwind. In fact, it appears we will be staying more days on the road than we will be staying in any one location.

The return trip will be like a sprint as we try to meet up with The Wife's cousin and family from the east. We hope to find one another in the desert and stay a few days to catch up and enjoy each other's company. From there it will be the final push home. All total the trip will take three weeks. I am sure none of us will want to spend more than a few hours in a car driving anywhere once we are home.

I am off to play with my new Father's Day present. Happy Father's Day to all you dads, grand dads, and pet dads out there. Later!

Getting Ready for Next Year

2009-06-21T12:44:00.000-07:00

The school year for teachers and students ended on June 12. For me, the school year continues until the end of June. In that time it is my responsibility to put together the massive puzzle that will become the new schedule for next school year. As you all may be aware, this is the most dreaded part of the job. This is the time when I sprout more gray hair, become unbelievably irritable, and am subject to random freak outs due to the stress of schedule creation.

This year The Boss has asked me to do a few different things to better deliver instruction to kids. I was to combine History and English classes under one teacher for students to have a more contiguous educational experience. I was also asked to create specific English placements for specific students. Math was to be more fluid due to the varied levels of student ability at the grade levels. I took those components and began to build a schedule way back in January based on projected enrollments and projected staff assignments.

Usually I begin to have bouts of massive anxiety around March as I begin to finalize the staff assignments, set out to hire staff due to others leaving, and lay out all the pieces of the new puzzle. This year as opposed to other years I was able to delegate some of the data collection and student placement to other folks. That was a big relief and allowed me to focus on one grade level rather than the entire school.

The anxiety, freak outs, and near heart failures kick into high gear in the third week of June. That is when I begin inputting all the accumulated data into the scheduling software engine. This is the same software engine that broke terribly three years ago and caused my Network Manager and I to work for 72 hours straight to schedule the students. The 72 hours was gruelling and the pressure was near intolerable. If a solution and schedule were not produced then school would not start. We had to get schedules into the hands of kids and eventually hand scheduled all the students.

The next year I had input all the data and left for summer with the intent of fixing few issues and "pushing the button" when I returned from break. Well, the program update during the summer broke the scheduler engine again! Rather than consult the support team from the company I subverted all safety precautions and created my own work around to solve the problem. Success was eventually found but a massive clean up effort was undertaken after the start of the year to fix background issues that exploded when I removed the safety precautions.

This year I was able to get the data input, create staff assignments, assign classes to students and trouble shoot small details. My Network Manager rolled up the new students and I bravely "pushed the button" to schedule the kids. I have found over the years that the 400 page manual has a crap load of stuff that no one ever will need to know. I have learned to pick and choose what I need and what safety features I can confidently ignore in the scheduling process. All my issues that first year were because I followed the directions to the letter. Never again...

Anyway, the kids were scheduled with a success rate of close to 96%. My secretaries and I will have about a week's worth of work to do to clean up small issues and correct any conflicts with student schedules. After that we will be ready for the new year. I will be able to walk away for the summer feeling much better about the coming year.

As for my annual six month escalating anxiety attack, I have a few more gray hairs but nothing like I have had in the past. Only a few times did it feel like I was having a heart attack and the tension in my neck has subsided to a level where I can almost turn my head all the way to the right. I should almost be back to normal in a week or so.

Off to create another entry about something totally different. See ya soon.

State Budget Cuts Target the Helpless...When is the Revolution?

2009-06-06T18:05:00.000-07:00

I just popped over to The Super Goober's blog and finished reading his latest entry regarding the budget cuts and how he and his wife are being affected. My heart goes out to Mrs. Super Goober because I know she had found a home at her new placement. I wanted to touch upon a few things he said and affirm his message about services to kids.

First, my district is comprised of eight total schools, seven elementary and one middle school. We service a little over 2,500 children every single day. Among those are special education students, gifted and talented, English learners, "newcomers" to the country with no English skills, 36% socio-economically depressed, and a host of others with as yet unidentified illnesses or issues impacted by current economic struggles.

Here is what the conditions under which we have placed the children in our district. We have three counselors that work within the district. Three people working does not mean three full-time positions. There is only full-time person in the district and they are placed at my school. The second person is 60% and works with the seven elementary schools. The final person works a 10% schedule with only the pre-school. That equates 1.70 counselors for 2,500 young people. I recall seeing recommendations for school counselors being somewhere at a 250:1 ratio. That is 250 not 2,500.

The situation is becoming untenable. Summer school funds were cut so students struggling will continue to under-perform, become disenchanted with the educational system, and potentially drop out by the 10th grade. The lack of summer school also means more kids on the streets unsupervised thereby increasing the potential for juvenile crime. Unsupervised children who are already disenchanted with they system are also vulnerable to recruitment into street gangs. An increase in gang activity correlates with an increase in violent crime.

Here is how it looks to me. I am not a politician or a policy maker. What I am is a guy who works with the future of our nation. If children are our future then the current climate is creating something very scary.

Our state budget is out of whack. Republicans cry at the thought of increasing taxes. Democrats push for tax increases to cover the short falls. The increase in sales tax has thus far flopped because people do not have the disposable income to make large scale purchases such as cars, appliances, or homes. Property tax has taken a crap due to revaluations across the state or folks defaulting on their loans, going into bankruptcy, and foreclosure. Projected revenues are in the toilet. Democrats are looking to tax even more while the Republicans are screaming that the increases have failed and we should not tax anymore. The last resort for both sides is to cut everything. However, we are NOT cutting everything.

We are slashing services to the poor, school funding for K-12 schools, school funding for colleges, grants for economically depressed students to go to college, services for the elderly, services for the mentally ill, services for the poor, and services to health and welfare agencies that deal with everything in between.

What we are not cutting are the salaries of the state elected officials. We are not cutting the financial allowances for the elected officials. We are not cutting any of the tax incentives to the super rich. We are not closing the loop holes for those who purchase luxury yachts. We are not cutting or readjusting the tax incentives to corporations and conglomerates.

I can guarantee you not one of our elected officials children have ever set foot let alone attended a public school that was not super funded either through absurd local property taxes or phenomenally wealthy foundations designed to supplement the lack of state funding. Most have attended private school and have never mingled with the huddled masses.

Now that the state has proposed to cut grant funding for poor students to attend college it has become abundantly obvious that education is again for the wealthy. Instead of pushing our society forward we have taken gigantic steps backwards into the Victorian Age. I would not be surprised if we continue to slip further back in time where minority votes will be counted as three-fifths and have their voting rights suspended along with women's rights. Watch out because official slavery is right around the corner.

I say official slavery because the economically depressed are slaves to the system already. Many have no hope of improving their social status. They are trapped in a terrible cycle of poverty, lack of resources, lack of programs, and soon lack of any potential for a decent education. I am sick with despair at the path we are currently walking. I am doubly worried that the words I preach are now irrelevant for my families.

"College? Yeah, it was a great place when people like us could go but now, well there is no way you can pay for it. You may want to look at being a day laborer. That is noble work. I mean, the world needs ditch diggers too."

Too bad all the ditch diggers are now Latinos, Blacks, poor immigrants, and a smattering of poor whites.

One industry will continue to grow. The state better close down those colleges and turn them into prisons. Swap out those professors for prison guards too because we are in for one great future with no opportunities for the majority of the people. The air must be pretty thin way up on that pedestal for the wealthy. They may want to reinforce the gates of their little communities.

When is the Revolution? Where is the Revolution? Let me know and I will be there. To quote the band Queensryche, "There's a growing feeling/ That taking a chance on a new kind of vision is due."

It Was OK...Not Great but OK

2009-06-06T17:47:00.000-07:00

Just finished watching the "Wolverine" movie from Marvel Studios. As the title of this blog states, it was OK but not great. I got the movie from one of my students who had a boot leg copy. The copy was one before the final edit so it was probably leaked as an advanced preview from the studio. It was kind of cool to see where and how the special effects are done. In many places the CGI is not in place and only blocky looking images are seen interacting with the actors.

A couple of scenes in particular stood out as pretty interesting including the World War I scene at the start of the film and the approach to Three Mile Island before the final battle of the movie. Also present were some of the wires attached to the actors participating in the high wire activities. I liked those scenes because it was a good reminder at just how incredible the artists are that create the CGI magic for the movies. They are so skilled as to blend the real with the impossible and completely fool us. They have erased the line between real and fantasy.

There were a couple of things that bothered me about the movie too. The romantic tragedy with the girl and Wolverine was painfully predictable. The falling out between him and his brother and the revenge angle was also predictable. The introduction of Weapon XI was as pathetic as Darth Maul in the Star Wars movie. There was ridiculous potential for the character but it was shlocked up by the introduction of eye beams as a mutant power. There could have been a great rivalry established for future films.

I was also bugged by the forced introduction of Gambit in the movie. He was there and then gone. The character is a favorite of some fans, not me in particular, and his presence on film does absolutely nothing for the furthering of the story. If he was simply a ride to the island why did they bother to have him be so bad ass? And why didn't he help out on the island. Again he appeared simply to offer up a ride.

There were a couple of cool things done with the introduction of villains and heroes. I liked the angle on the Blob and a few of the teenage mutants (not Ninja Turtles) freed from the clutches of the evil Colonel Stryker.

I guess there will be no origins for Cyclops since we see him get rescued in the end of the film. Seeing Professor X walk out of the helicopter was kind of cool but is a continuity error since he was in wheel chair long before assembling his Institute. Anyway, it was decent action and I liked the intro to the movie set in the mid-19th Century.

Off to putter about and maybe start watching 28 Days. Never seen the movie and since most of the GoG seem to be Zombie obsessed I may as well partake and see what all the fun is about. Later...

Update to the Monthly Tally

2009-06-01T20:27:00.000-07:00

As you all know, The Discourser has been keeping a monthly tally of his gaseous emissions. The month of May started out at The Craftsman's house with a GoG get-together. Between all that showed for the event we consumed 13 cans of SPAM, six pounds of Tritip, two pounds of oysters, four pounds of mussels, two pounds of mangoes, assorted fruits, and a monstrous amount of steamed rice. Throw in a few beers and 8 liters of soda and we are looking at a disaster in the making. Before anyone else arrived The Craftsman and I consumed half a dozen eggs and a can of SPAM for breakfast.

Well, the end result was a hideous kick off to the stinkiest month yet on record. I had thought things were horrific the week I ate three super burritos in three days but the result of the SPAM attack was beyond disgusting. I could not even bear to be with myself. I have no idea how The Wife made it through the first few days of May.

The records as they stand are:

January: 392, average 12.645 per day
February: 346, average 12.357 per day
March: 350, average 11.29 per day
April: 383, average 12.766 per day

Now for the update. Hold your noses please...

May: 464, average 14.968 per day

In all honesty I think my insides were trying to get out and away from the confines of my own body. Good Lord! I sure as heck hope June is not so dense with the funky fog.

I need to radically revise my diet...Later.

Great Day at the Ball Park

2009-05-31T22:01:00.000-07:00

The Wife and I got out of The Dungeon today and headed off to the local professional baseball stadium to watch the home team play. I won two tickets to the game at a work raffle a while back and had been looking forward to going for some time. The tickets were sweet because The Wife and I had seats three rows from the field right in front of the visiting team's bull pen down the first base line.

We arrived at the park and were directed into the overflow lot to park. Thirty dollars later I was parking the Cross Country Cruiser into a spot in the main lot. We walked about half a mile to the side entrance and climbed the three flights of stairs after going through the security gates. The Wife and I have only been to the park three times in the past ten years and decided to take a tour to the large center field food court. We grabbed a bite to eat, were jostled by already drunk fans, and directed away from the sitting area due to a private party. I ate my fish and chips and The Wife slurped her chowder in a bread bowl standing next to a condiment stand all while dodging running kids and inconsiderate adults.

The Wife and I finished eating and walked back to our seats. The spot was great but seeing the batters was a little bit of a challenge due to the angle. What the two of us could see quite clearly was the couple seated in the front row. Every time the guy got up, which was about a thousand times during the game, we were treated to a look at his green Bjorn Borg boxer shorts. The Wife and I also got the chance to see his girlfriends ass crack 500 times as her too small low rise jeans failed to rise enough to cover her completely.

We left during the top of the ninth inning after watching the home team take the lead by two runs over the course of the previous two innings. The parking lot was huge and I am amazed at how many cars look exactly like mine. After a bit of confusion with one car The Wife and I found the CCC and were able to get to the front of the line to exit. We were out and on the freeway headed for home before the last beer soaked fan wobbled out of the stadium. Personally I find it amazing that a fan can actually have the money to drink enough to get drunk. Beers are something like $8 or $9 bucks a piece. They must drop their entire month's Meth fund to get tanked at the game.

Now it is the end of the all too short weekend. Tomorrow is a return to the monotony of the daily grind. Have a fabulous week. Later...

The End is in Sight

2009-05-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

The end of the official school year is nearly in sight. The Wife and I have ten more days before we say goodbye to our students. The last week was only four days but felt twice as long. If I had to go another day I would have had to call in sick. To say that I was exhausted is an understatement.

This Wednesday we were tagged on the front of our gymnasium in words that were about six feet tall. In addition to the gang tag there were other gang messages warning people against changing their allegiance from one gang to another as well as the author's street moniker. The police came to take a report, I documented the vandalism with a series of digital pictures, and the maintenance department came out to remove the vandalism. The Boss and I began a series of interviews with students to pinpoint who authored the gang tags. Before the end of the day we had a good idea who was responsible.

Wednesday night we were hosting a community forum for the parents and neighbors, the police, and an organization who is skilled in facilitating meetings. The intent was to talk about gang prevention and intervention and what to do in our community. There were former gang members on hand to talk about their experiences and to highlight what warning signs to watch for with the kids. I got out of there a little after 9 p.m.

Thursday was another long night with an awards ceremony for the highest of achievers in the school. The afternoon was spent catching up on paper work and then getting ready for the event. When it was all over I ended up leaving work at around 9 p.m. Any one of the days would normally be no big deal but back to back thirteen and a half hour days is a bit much. I pretty much moved through Friday like a zombie.

Next week is busier still with our annual end of year school wide day long event followed by our end of year staff party which is followed by my acting as head of security for The Wife's school's end of year graduating class social. The intensity of the days will continue to ramp up culminating in the graduation ceremony and graduation dance/ celebration.

Tonight The Wife and I went out to dinner with The Supergoober and his wife. Ding came along as the fifth wheel because she would have been left home alone. We ate great hamburgers, walked along the main drag of the Supergoober's town, visited a shop, and finished the night off with some excellent ice cream. Tomorrow The Wife and I plan on seeing the local professional baseball team play and then possibly hitting up the local brew pub for a bite to eat before returning to The Homestead.

I am off to do some reading and then watch a little boob tube before heading off to bed. Hasta.

Gigantic Gathering of Geeks

2009-05-25T08:46:00.000-07:00

Last night I returned from my annual pilgrimage to the Gigantic Gathering of Geeks. The GGoG is an annual event that brings together some of the nerdiest, geekiest people in one of the nicer hotels in the area. As always, I feel terrible for the regular, mainstream hotel guests who are besieged by the onslaught of overly large, sometimes unwashed, predominantly male convention attendees.

I arrived on Saturday and met up with The Warden and The Acupuncturist. The Warden was playing in a table top/ role playing game called "Zombies Ate My Con". The game was being moderated by a young guy in his late teens. The Acupuncturist and I hung around for a little while watching the game and talking with a couple of the other players before heading out to get a cup of coffee.

Let me take this opportunity to talk about the pricing structure for the amenities at the hotel. A large cup of coffee was $3.50 which is a little pricey but not totally out of line. A plain bagel was $4 and the cream cheese was an additional fifty cents. A can of soda was an absurd $2.50, five chicken strips were a staggering $6, a bag of chips like the kind you get at Subway was $2.50. The in hotel cafe was also crazy expensive. The basic buffet breakfast went for $19.50 and the insane Sunday Buffet was going for a gut wrenching $38. Here was the killer for me. In addition to the utterly criminal $2.50 for a can of soda a pre-made sandwich like the ones you get in the triangular plastic containers at a convenience store was priced at $7.75! The gift shop of all places was a better deal for your sodas, candies, chips, and water.

We got our coffee and hung out at our usual table located near the gift shop. We are all creatures of habit and return to the same location every year. The table is at a great location too. Not only is it in front of the gift shop, it is located within steps of the the stairwells leading to the ground floor and the floors right above the atrium level area. That means no waiting for the typically overloaded elevators on the other side of the hotel. The tables are set out for paid convention attendees and are off limits to the general public. That small detail will be important later on in the post.

The Professor showed up a bit later and we spent the late morning and afternoon catching up with one another. That evening The Warden was signed up to play in a role playing game using a system based on H.P. Lovecraft's writing. The game system is "Call of Cthulu" which is typically set in the early 20th Century. The players assume roles as investigators and adventurers looking into strange situations. Eventually some horrific demon-like creature is revealed which drives one or more player characters insane and eating/ killing/ dismembering others. This particular game was outstanding due in part to the moderator. He told a great story and was utterly engaging for the entire night. I was not able to get into the game because all players who signed up showed for the event. I did stay and watch/ listen for the night. I decided to pack things in and go to bed at 3 in the morning. The Acupuncturist stuck around to the end. He and The Warden returned to the hotel room about a half an hour after I did. As I had predicted, all but a few player characters survived the final Lovecraftian onslaught. The three of us finally crashed at close to 4.

Wake up was around 8 in the morning. After my shower I joined the unwashed masses of nerd flesh on the main floor to explore. I again have to point out my utter disgust at a good lot of the gamers in attendance who choose to forgo any sort of hygiene to play non-stop for three days. These people are getting fewer as the years progress but they are still hideous.

Later in the afternoon we were at our usual table and joined by The Super Goober and Rave Boy. The table next to us had two guys playing a table top game. We watched as the roving convention security walked by to do a "badge" check. All convention goers are given a wristband to wear. One of the guys had no wristband as was asked to leave the area. He refused saying he paid for his $2 beer at the Sports Bar and had the right to sit where he wanted. The security agent argued and then called in his supervisor who also argued with the guy. The head of hotel security was called in to mediate and the guy, now a total jerk, refused to leave. The head of the hotel came down and told the guy to "stop being an ass and get out of my hotel."

The idiot caused such a spectacle that we at our table began to heckle him and openly apologize to all the security for his abject idiocy. He left after threatening to call the police and file harassment charges. The head of hotel security came by a little later to talk to us about the incident filling in details we did not know. We were treated great by the hotel and convention security for our vocal support and humiliating heckling of the guy.

I left the GGoG at ten last night to come home. Thirty six hours of geekery was enough for this weekend and I am now happily sitting in my home. Yes, The Wife has informed me there is work to do and some places we need to visit today. I am now off for coffee and breakfast. Later...

Man, Its Already Been a Week...

2009-05-16T17:39:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that a week has already passed since my last post. So many things have happened since...well, I lie. Nothing monumental has happened since the last post. The typical drudgery of the work week was just that...typical. This time of year signifies two massive projects. The first is the wrap up of the current school year and the second is the massive planning for the coming school year.

Typical for this time of year is when the wheels start falling off the cart for kids, teachers, staff, and parents. We are all at a breaking point having endured a long and grueling year. Kids begin falling apart as the transition to high school looms ahead of them. Many start behaving badly as a result. This week alone we dealt with behaviors outside of school that impact our structure and require us to notify both parents and police. Situations such as the "Pot Smoking Divas," "Sex, Drugs, and Gang Life," and "We Weren't Breaking and Entering" saw kids getting in trouble and sucking up massive amounts of valuable time.

On the home front The Boy and one of the Goof Troupe tore down our dilapidated and rusting storage shed. In its place he erected a huge dog run acquired from Paul's 365 Photo Blog for Kosmo the Million Dollar Dog. Now KtMDD has about ten times more space to roam in our backyard. He is still fenced in but that is a good thing. He totally loves being outside. We also purchased a new vinyl shed with a built in floor to replace the old one. The shed is much smaller and houses everything except for the gardening wagon.

All that remains is a massive pile of torn down sheet metal, card board from the new shed, and a few items needing to be tossed from the old shed. Soon that will be cleared and the yard will look better than ever!

I took today to place all the old items in the new shed. Today, however, was also one of the hottest days. I mean, it was smoking hot. The thirty minutes I was outside was nearly intolerable. I was sweating like I had been running a marathon. Anyway, it took me a good half an hour to cool off. In that time I had to set up the super awesome oscillating fan in The Dungeon to cool the place down.

Tomorrow The Wife and I have to say goodbye to some wonderful friends. They are moving to points eastward, specifically to a massively Red State. Like my good friend Tennessee Territo, these friends will be the one blue speck in an otherwise Red State. Hopefully their Blue speck will spread like a virus and convert the masses...I can hope. It is always sad to see such great friends go and the loss is bittersweet. However, the move is nothing but positive for them and I wish them all the luck!

I am off to cool off, watch some Holy TiVo, and scare something up for dinner. Later...

Star Trek 2009 + IMAX = Face Ripped Off

2009-05-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I said it...my face was ripped off while sitting in the local IMAX theater watching the new release of Star Trek franchise. I attended the premiere with a mix of GoG and Superfriends including The Supergoober, Paul's 365 Photo Blog, The GM, NTT's Brain, and The Warden.

We all understood that a release of this magnitude would shake the Nerd World to its core and planned to arrive at the IMAX theater hours before the actual movie time in order to secure excellent seats. The Warden arrived early in the day for the 7:30 movie time and was able to secure a place in line a mere 30 Geeks from the door. The rest of us trickled in and were all present and accounted for half an hour before the doors opened.

Because of advanced planning and a strategic assault led by The Warden, we were able to secure seats four rows from the top in the center of the theater. The crowd buzzed with anticipation as the theater filled with movie goers. I was only slightly disappointed at the low turn out of costumed geeks for the premiere. It is possible more were out for the midnight release. However, there were three or four women dressed in both TOS (The Original Series) and Next Generation uniforms. One guy was pretty funny in his slicked back pompadour and Captain Kirk yellow uniform shirt. Other than those few, the crowd was visually normal.

As the start time approached one exuberant nerd rose to his feet and attempted to begin a choral response chant with the crowd. He yelled "Star" and tried to get the crowd to respond with "Trek". I both appreciated his nerdly excitement and also pitied him for it at the same time. Anyway, the theater darkened and, after the requisite previews, the movie started.

I must say, the movie grabbed a hold of my face right at my hairline and expertly ripped it off within the first minute and a half, tossing it to the floor with triumphant glee. My lidless eyes drank in the visual spectacle for two hours while my lipless mouth hung open in amazement. The movie, in all areas, exceeded my expectations and left me smiling and giddy at the future possibilities for a once wheezing and exhausted franchise. I was finally able to pick my face up off the theater floor and replace it during the final credits.

Now I await the Star Trek purists (read hopeless no-life dorks dressed up as their favorite character living in the squalor of their windowless rooms amid empty pizza boxes and drained Mountain Dew bottles) to find fault with the re-boot of the franchise. Will they chastise the movie for being too...too what? I am actually looking forward to the upcoming GGoG at the end of the month to hear what the bloated and pasty slithering geeks have to say.

Anyway, I am planning to see the movie again and look forward to having this on my Christmas list for the end of the year.

I am off to procrastinate with cleaning The Homestead and watch a little Indy 500 qualifying. Later...

Great Quotes from the GoG Event

2009-05-02T16:19:00.000-07:00

The Craftsman opened his house this weekend for a GoG event. In attendance were The Professor, The GM, NTT's Brain, The Supergoober, The Acupuncturist, and Rave Boy. There was much food including ten cans of SPAM, three tri-tip steaks, four pounds of clams and mussels, an un-godly amount of rice, and assorted fruits. There was also gourmet hot dogs, sausages, and other yummy foods.

Since the GoG are an assortment of hilarious folks I decided to write down a few quotes throughout the day and night. Here are an assortment of quotes taken totally out of context but hilarious none the less.

"He'll take as much love as you can give him." - The Supergoober talking about the Craftsman's cat.
"The Perfect Line has both, the kind you pump up and the hand kind." - The Supergoober talking to a friend on the phone about cars.
"Rave Boy loves it more than he does." - The Supergoober talking about the cat again.
"I can bang it out myself really easily." - The Supergoober talking more car stuff.
"The skin has a better snap to it and the beef squirts much more juice in my mouth than usual." - Rave Boy talking about his gourmet hot dog.
"Thanks for asking but I wanted to see someone do it." - The Supergoober talking about cars.
"I stick my tongue out and they put it in my mouth." - The Supergoober talking about communion at church.
"Very few people receive in the mouth." - The Professor talking about communion at church.
"We're gonna flush your shit." - The Supergoober talking more car stuff.
"The Craftsman and I are definitely blowing the curve." - The Acupuncturist talking about initiative in the game.
"I haven't been eating any ass, I would remember that." - The Acupuncturist talking about the smell of his burp.
"He's gonna puke kibble on you." - The Craftsman to The Acupuncturist who has holding and shaking The Craftsman gigantic house cat.
"They can't just detect the taint." - The Professor describing the capabilities of an undead villain.
"He gets to add two times his taint" - The Professor talking about the bad guy's damage.
"What do I do with this? Just put it in my mouth?" - The Warden talking about eating candied tamarind.
"I apologize for corn-holing your cat...it was an accident." - The Acupuncturist talking about The Craftsman's cat and having eaten too many raw oysters.
"Someone just rang the dookie bell!" - The Craftsman in response to The Discourser's text message alert.
"Pinch it off Rave Boy, you've got a decision to make!" - The Craftsman trying to get Rave Boy out of the bathroom.
"It smells like poop and my balls." - The Craftsman after blowing a flatulent cloud.
"Just squeeze it and pop it." - NTT's Brain to The GM as he struggled to open a plastic case.
"I eat anything...even living." - The Warden in reference to eating diverse foods.

As I said before, these quotes are taken totally out of context but give an indication of the absurd conversations we have as a group.

Now I am off to roll more dice, eat more SPAM, and partake in the decadence of meat and meat by-products.

Later...

Fart Tally Update

2009-04-30T19:28:00.000-07:00

Well, the end of the month is upon us and with the end of the month comes an update to the ongoing Fart Tally. Before the new number is revealed I would like to take a moment to review the previous three months worth of gastric exhalations.

January was a particularly hideous month and the highest total thus far. While The Wife would have you believe every day is utterly hideous living with me, the Methane Man, the other months are quite light. January topped out at a total of 392 gaseous clouds of stinking gas with an average of 12.645 per day.

February saw a slight reduction in the total number of green clouds emanating from The Discourser's body. The total number amounted to 346 with a daily average of 12.357. Now, we have to remember that there are a few less days in the month of February but the daily average is a great way to compare.

March was slightly more stinky when looking at total number of gut rumblers. There were a total of 350 horrendous internal explosions resulting in stinky eruptions of gas. When we get the overall average we see that there were less daily explosions. Specifically, there were 11.29 intestine quakes per day.

Now, I submit to you a rather tumultuous month of April. Even by my standards it stunk like sewage. There were times when I wanted to escape the thick clouds of yuck but could only go so far. The Dungeon was a hideous place to live. The total was 383 for an average of 12.766 concussive olfactory assaults. I am shamed by my own stench. A key contributor was three days with Super Burritos. Day one (4-25) was carnitas, day two (4-27) was carnes asada y camarones, and the third was Ding's carne asada burrito left over from 4-25 but consumed on 4-28. I am still suffering the after effects.

Work has been mad busy as we approach the end of the school year. We are preparing for next year while still trying to keep the wheels on the cart for this year. I have three expulsions coming up. The first is a kid that was involved in the theft of a skateboard, assault, and arrest. The second is a kid that has been a chronic bully, and the third is a kid advertising his gang affiliation with the local band of goof-tards. Throw in the State mandated testing for the next two weeks and the preparations for graduation and you have a busy month.

I am off to write the expulsion paper work and then read...Later.

How Ghetto Can You Get?

2009-04-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went to The Wife's school with the Seniors and Ding to watch the annual school talent show. The Wife was running the light board and a fellow staff member was responsible for the sound board. We all sat towards the back of the multipurpose room. The place was packed with close to 200 parents and children running, screaming, talking, and playing throughout the show. It reminds me why I like working with older kids.

Anyway, there were a ton of singing acts, a few dancing acts, a few musical acts, and a special performance by some of the staff members. The children sang well while a few were actually really good. One kid actually performed "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd. He played the acoustic guitar and sang. Pretty good act. Now, on to the Ghetto part.

The four of us sitting in the back got stuck next to some tall guy and his girlfriend/ partner/ common law wife/ whatever and their two demon spawn children. The children were yelling, fighting, pushing, and playing so loud that they disrupted the audience around them. The parents appeared oblivious and only did something when multitudes of adults turned around to stare at them.

During one act with about 15 kids, the disruptive brood left their seats to stand in the center of the main aisle blocking the sight line for anyone past the fifth row. The man acted as if he had the sense of Lenny from "Of Mice and Men", gyrating, hooting, waving his arms, and acting as if he were some simple minded clown seeking change from passers by. The act finished and Bozo the Ghetto Clown wandered back to our area and carried on like an abject idiot with his female companion, trying to start a wave. Since he was next to me the wave died with me. I just looked up at him, staring into his eyes, shook my head, and looked away. That was the end of the wave.

However, Bozo the Ghetto Clown and his clown posse eventually moved away to get a closer view of the rest of the acts. Amazingly enough this group was not the center of the Ghetto Universe. That discovery was yet to come.

The special act with the staff members, including The Wife, was the zombie dance from Michael Jackson's "Thriller". The variant was the dancers were all dressed as zombie old folks with walkers, crutches, canes, and a wheel chair. Very funny to watch and the audience gave them a huge round of applause. Two more acts followed them to conclude the show. The student MC's wrapped the show and the teacher coordinator said a few words to the audience. The Wife raised the house lights for the audience to leave...that is when The Ghetto Universe exploded into existence.

One female parent flew into a rage and attacked another female parent. She punched her in the face leaving a bruise on a cheek. There was the requisite hair pulling, screaming, and carrying on associated with all girl fights. Ding and I were on our feet and ready to spring into action but when I saw it was women fighting I stopped. No need to get into the mix of little kids being traumatized by their ghetto parents, adults grabbing to restrain the ghetto idiots, and mayhem of chairs and pushing. If I were the children of the parent who started the fight I would kill her in her sleep. I admonished Ding for not acting quick enough to capture all of the action on her cell phone's video device. Had she acted you would be watching a YouTube link of the fight.

Anyway, multiple calls were made to the local police department and three patrolmen arrived on the scene. One had a paintball gun ready to fire into the crowd, marking anyone who was inciting a riot. The Ghetto Mom who started the brawl was arrested and then released to take her humiliated children home. The victim pressed charges and walked away with a school issue blue cold pack for her troubles. Ghetto Mom will more than likely appear before a judge and have charges brought against her leading to probation.

The Wife, Ding, and I were stuck at the school for quite a while because the police were using The Wife's room for questioning. She was not allowed to enter the room until the police finished their work. We finally left close to 9:30. I must say, that was the best five dollars I spent on a school function in a long time. The bonus Ghetto MMA fight at the end was a real treat! Never turn down a school event...you never know what you will see.

This reminds me of the time the Supergoober and I were coming home from high school on the bus and saw some rocker dude and a butch ex-Marine woman get into a freaking massive brawl in the back of the bus where we were sitting. The rocker dude nailed the lady int he face with his boom box. She shook it off and catapulted herself at him using the hand rails on the cieling of the bus to whip her body into his chest. It was awesome...that was the best fifty cents I had spent in my life.

I am off to do some reading before heading off to bed. Later...

Some Face Ripping Cycling

2009-04-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

You all have to check this guy out. One of the Superfriends sent me this link while chatting and I thought it was monumentally insane. Check it out...

Spring Break, Errands, and Another God-Forsaken Prom

2009-04-18T22:48:00.000-07:00

Alright folks, I have officially been on Spring Break for the past week soaking up the joy that is associated with not being at work. My first order of business was to catch up on some reading. I had been reading Bill Bryson's "*A Short History of Nearly Everything" but had fallen behind due to the time I had spent at the technology conference last week. My intention was to finish the book by reading 20 pages per day. The twenty pages would, over the course of the month, get me through the 478 pages.

I sat down to do my catch up reading and made the decision to blast through a minimum of 80 pages a day to finish the book and set myself up for another one or two books before the month was out. Reading the book I rediscovered a totally joy for science. I have always loved history but had forgotten how much I truly enjoy the mysteries of science. I use science to cover a broad array of topics including but not limited to geology, astronomy, biology, and paleontology. Chemistry does and always will hurt my brain. My math skills are not up to snuff so I am only able to understand the most basic principles of physics. Still, I find it all utterly fascinating.

I completed the book Friday evening and immediately picked up the book "Night" by Elie Wiesel. The book is light weight in length but super heavy duty in its message. Wiesel conveyed the utter misery of his horrific experience. It reminded me of when I met the Holocaust survivor during my three day training at the Museum of Tolerance. Her story and loss was devastating. I am unable to understand how these people endure such suffering and still are able to get up in the morning. They are stronger than I could ever possibly become.

There were a lot of parallels to "Night" and Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's "One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich" including the forced labor, meager nutrition, and horrible living quarters. However, "Night" carries a much more intense message. I finished "Night" this afternoon...I could not put it down.

I am now starting Christopher Moore's "Lamb a Novel The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal". I am hoping for something much lighter after the heavy duty reading of "Night".

This week was replete with errands galore. The new Cross Country Chariot needed to go into the body shop to fix a scratch we noticed upon taking delivery of the car. I turned in my car and got a Toyota 4Runner as a rental. I thought I was going to enjoy the experience but found that I utterly hated the vehicle. It was cramped, uncomfortable, and drove like crap. I am now assuredly going to be purchasing a car instead of a truck when the time comes. I got the family wagon back yesterday with a great looking door. I love my local Toyota dealership.

Some errands were boring while others were much more fun. I was able to attend the Craftsman's son's birthday today. There was a plethora of toddlers and little children having a blast playing and lounging with their parents. The Acupuncturist and The Supergoober were also in attendance. We hung out together seeing we were the only ones present without significant others and small children in tow. The Wife, Ding, and Senior Mom were off to see the musical "Grease."

Mr. and Mrs. Craftsman put on a great spread with awesome food. The fruit salsa was astounding! There was California roll, 12 to 15 feet of sandwiches and great salads. We ate and then partook of the festivities until it was time to gorge on birthday cake. Everything was fantastic! I got home and struggled to fight off the food coma.

Tonight The Wife, myself, Ding, and The Prom Date went out to dinner to hear about the upcoming prom and plans for the evening/ night. The Prom Date comes from a similar background as myself and is a good kid. We will be getting further information from The Prom Date as to the specifics of events for the night. I will be glad when the circus of events that surround a prom are finished. Planning for an event like this with adults is one thing, when left up to indecisive teens with no ability to make a plan beyond what to wear to the mall, one experiences a great deal of frustration.

Anyway, I am off to bed to make a serious attempt at sleeping in past 6 a.m. Later...

The Sweet Smell of Vacation

2009-04-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

My Spring Break officially began at 12:33 p.m. yesterday afternoon. The Boy had borrowed my Trusty Truck to take to work so I was stranded without a vehicle. The Wife and Ding, who had embarked upon the Journey to Find a Prom Dress stopped in their travels long enough to swing by work and liberate me from the campus. Having already shopped in the near part of The City, I suggested we run a few errands to the South and hit the Super Snooty Mall near the Super Snooty University.

We traveled south, made a pit stop at the ultra nerdy HAM radio shop to pick up an external antenna for the new Cross Country Chariot, and then headed off to the Super Snooty Mall. We parked and entered store number one. We looked for about half an hour before heading out to search the outdoor mall for other stores. Store #2 and #3 offered nothing of substance. The Wife and Ding entered Store #4 and found a few potential items. We wandered aimlessly for another 30 minutes or so before coming to the conclusion that none of the dresses were what Ding liked.

After two hours of Super Snooty Mall Shopping it was decided we should go to the heart of The City's shopping district to look for more dresses. We drove the 30 minutes home, stopped in to check on the Million Dollar Dog and The Seniors, and headed out to The City.

In order to maximize time, we were leaving at 5 p.m. on a Friday afternoon, I mapped out a route to drop The Wife and Ding off in front of the store they wanted to visit and leave me in a position to park without having to navigate the horrendous traffic around the square. I was surprised at how quickly we were able to get to The City, drop off, and park. We were in and I was out of the car walking to meet up with Ding and The Wife in under 20 minutes. It was a Spring Break Miracle.

I entered the building and took the elevator up to the fourth floor. The doors opened onto madness. There were probably 20 teen girls with parents and friends all shopping for dresses. While the noise was not deafening there was the potential for extreme emotional explosiveness as they squirmed and squeezed themselves into their colored fabric cocoons. Parents nodded, approved, disapproved, and gave their opinions. Some dresses were quite classy while others were exceptionally slutty.

We waited in line to get to a dressing room and were finally granted a space after a horde of girls vacated the dressing space. The Wife and Ding entered while I waited outside. The process of changing, dressing, undressing, showing, and the approval/ disapproval process took about an hour. Finally, after close to 80 miles of driving and hours of shopping, Ding settled on a dress. It is very classy and floor length, an opposite of what she wore at Junior Prom. I was then informed that Junior Prom is skanky while Senior Prom is classy. Great...

I headed off to try and get a seat for dinner at the nearby restaurant and found that the wait was 40 minutes. The Wife and Ding joined me later and we stood around for what seemed like forever before being sat. We ate dinner, filled our bellies and headed off to the Homestead. I was dead tired by the time I got into The Dungeon. The entire experience was ultra-sucky from a non-shopper guy perspective. However, I am glad it is done. There is no more dress shopping in my immediate future.

Today I am watching Lost on the Holy TiVo and loving it. Lost is so awesome! Later...

Thanks for All the Birthday Wishes

2009-04-06T20:55:00.000-07:00

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who took the time to wish me a Happy Birthday over the past few days. The cards and messages have been wonderful! Thanks to the GoG, the Superfriends, and The Family I Do Not Hate.

The Wife and Ding got me a great t-shirt from my favorite local baseball franchise. The kicker was the name is in Spanish! I love it. The big surprise, however, was the awesome looking Fossil watch that came along with the shirt. Way cool. That buffs my watch collection to nine. I still have my eye on a great Rolex but have to wait until I hit the lottery. My cake was made by an excellent local bakery and was comprised of chocolate cake, apricot filling, with a whipped cream frosting. It was so heavy I could not actually slide it across the table.

The Boss and my fellow office co-workers threw me a surprise SPAM party. They cooked me SPAM and eggs with English muffins and pancakes piled high with strawberries and whipped cream. My gifts were three cases of SPAM...no joke along with a Best Buy gift card and a gift card for my favorite local baseball team! I had to fight off the food coma for the better part of the day. Nothing is better for breakfast than SPAM...yumm... However, there was a moment there when I actually thought I felt a ventricle collapse from an over dose of SPAM but the gurgling belch that followed allayed my fears...just a bit of SPAM gas.

I should be busy with doing something work related but I am actually going to do a little shopping at Best Buy's online site before heading off to bed.

Thanks again and have a great night...

Wow...What a Week

2009-04-05T19:54:00.001-07:00

The Wife and I have just returned from a 1000+ mile trip to the Southern tip of the state and are tired of driving. The new Cross Country Chariot is a dream to drive. The on-board navigation system is a little stubborn but ended up serving us well in our travels. I really loved the fact that I could feel next to no bumps in the road. Acceleration was good for passing slower cars and the cruising comfort was awesome.

What was I doing in parts south you ask? Well, I got very brave and decided to present at an education technology conference. I chose to present the use of a software program that, in conjunction with the Garage Band software on the Mac, produces professional dynamic podcasts for use in communication with school communities. I wrote the proposal for the conference and submitted it back in November. Next thing I knew it was coming up on April and I needed to get things in order.

I perfected my skills with the software program integrating it nicely with Garage Band. I could record, produce, and export the dynamic podcast to my local iTunes in under 15 minutes. I chose to create podcasts that were five minutes or less to accommodate short attention spans. In all seriousness, I become painfully bored and distracted after watching or listening to a training or information video after five minutes.

Anyway, The Wife took three days off from her slave pit to join me. The city to the far south is a wonderful place full of historic sight seeing opportunities, great food, and super weather. We drove down on Wednesday and toured the area around our hotel. Thursday the two of us took a city tour on a trolley, ate lunch at a historic hotel built in 1888 on a wonderful island, and had a generally great time. Friday I attended the conference while The Wife toured the local Indian casino/ bingo hall. we ate dinner at a fabulous indoor/ outdoor Mexican restaurant that makes hand made fresh flour tortillas right next to the sidewalk.

Saturday I gave my conference. The downside was the start time was 8:00 a.m. The other downside was attendance was significantly affected by the crappy economy. I had six people attend the conference and participate in the hands-on lab. I was a bit intimidated because two of the participants are national presenters on the education circuit, another is a nationally known software designer for student software, and a fourth was a super tech savvy IT for a gigantic school district in the southland. All of them loved the software and the presentation.

With that over, The Wife and I changed and headed out to the world famous zoo and went back to the historic section of the city with the same great Mexican restaurant. We cruised through a bunch of shops, picked up some awesome souvenirs, and headed back to the hotel for a little rest and relaxation before eating dinner at a great brewery.

Today we awoke at 5:30 and left the hotel at 6:50 to head towards home. We made a few stops, ate lunch, and arrived home at around 3:30. We were dead tired from the road trip and quickly dispatched with the unpacking. I am now kicking back, watching the back log of TiVo, and dreading the return to work tomorrow. The Wife and Ding are on Spring Break. I don not get my Spring Break until next week.

Off to watch Survivor...later.

It's Madness I Say!

2009-03-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

Friday was one of the busiest, craziest, yet great days that has happened in a while at work. Every year we have a Japanese student exchange program that brings anywhere from 15 to 20 middle school aged Japanese students and 5 to 7 chaperones. This year we were graced with 16 young people and five adults. This is an exchange program sponsored by the city of Narita, Japan and the backward little town I work. One of the only reasons the town hosts the exchange is because the international airport resides within city limits.

Anyway, our school's day to host was Friday. Our school's Parent Teacher Organization sponsored a pancake breakfast for the exchange students, the adults, the host families the exchange students pair up with, and some of our staff at 9 a.m. The total was close to 50 people. The Boss and I helped set up, put together the gifts for the adults and children, serve food, and finally got a chance to slam a couple of hotcakes down our throats before moving on to the next activity for the kids.

At 10:15 a local ceramics studio helped to sponsor a tile making project for a growing tile mural made by past exchange students and their host families. I forgot to mention that the host students get to travel to Japan to stay with their exchange families in the summer. The tile project lasted until lunch and a little afterwards. In between sessions with the tile makers, the students got to visit our classrooms and see our students and teachers in action (inaction).

Noon saw the students get lunch in our hideous cafeteria and return to the library area to join the adults, parents, and some of our staff. Lunch was followed by gifts offered to us from the visiting delegation and more touring. The adults left for a tour of a local university after the food was done.

The Boss and I thought it would be a good idea to offer up an all school dance for our kids and the exchange students to celebrate their arrival. The DJ arrived at 2:00 and set up outside on our blacktop area. The dismissal bell rang and close to 500 kids stayed behind to enjoy the music that started at 3:00. The dance was scheduled for two hours because a Feast of Nations was scheduled from 5:00 to 6:00 to show our diversity and to embrace our visitors. There was music, cultural dances, more food than could ever be consumed in a single day, along with drinks and pizza. We served close to 600 people in an hour.

That was not all, however. The Feast of Nations concluded in time for us to start our annual Police versus school staff basketball game. The night started with the 8th grade boys and girls teams playing a co-ed exhibition game. The adults began playing 15 minutes after the end of the student exhibition game. Our school pep band was present to play for our team and the crowd was the biggest we have ever seen. There was probable a good 100 people over the maximum capacity in the gym to see the game. Our staff won by only 5 points over the police team.

When it was all said and done I got home close to 10 p.m. The Boss and I were amazed. Not one kid got them selves into trouble. I surmised that it was because we had a huge number of parents on campus for the entire day. More parents showed up for the dance, more still came for the Feast of Nations, and more still arrived for the game. The Japanese students asked if school was like this every week! I don't think I could pull this type of thing off every week. Once a year is enough!

Side Note: The Wife and I saw the musical "Wicked" tonight. We went with a huge lot of people including The Superfriends, Paul's 365 Photo Blog and his wife, The Boss and her husband, and a bunch of people from The Wife's work and mine. To put it simply, it was AWESOME! I strongly recommend seeing it before it leaves town.

I am off to bed. Later...

Lots to Update and So Little Time

2009-03-21T08:11:00.001-07:00

Life has been somewhat hectic for The Discourser as of late thereby preventing me from sitting down long enough to update folks on what has been going on lately. There is something that needs to be said before I delve into the update. I appreciate everyone's patience while waiting for an updated post. Let's get down to business...

FCA and the Deadbeat Son

AS you all know, FCA fell last June and broke her hip. After surgery it was determined she could not go home and would need 24 hour care. That decision was painful to make and carried with it a host of legal requirements. The level of care needed for FCA exceeds her monthly income by close to three grand. As tough as the decision was to put her in the care home, the decision to sell her home was even tougher.

Selling the house is really the easy part. Getting her Deadbeat Son to vacate the premises and stop leeching off his mother's accounts is the hard part. It required me to hire lawyers, property managers, file complaints with adult protective services, and begin a battle that has now raged for three months. Deadbeat Son's grandest move was to illegally have his mother sign papers switching all responsibility from me to him. That move required me to invest a significant amount of time and energy into securing her finances and other records.

Deadbeat Son is now stating he has paid rent, lives in a separate apartment unit in the lower half of the house, and is entitled to everything in her checking account as a result of some strange agreement dating back to 2004. This agreement was never brought up nor seen until after he had her illegally sign papers. Now he is saying that the sale of the house can proceed as long as he gets everything he wants. My retort to my lawyer was, "That will happen when Hell freezes over."

The house is to be shown next week and I am hopeful a sale will be imminent. With the house sold Deadbeat Son will have no where to go and hopefully he will once again disappear into oblivion. Meanwhile, I am having to request financial records from years ago to prove Deadbeat Son has been skimming money from his mother and deserves nothing. Let this story serve as a warning to all of you. Make certain your finances are in order, you have a rock solid trust, and you appoint the one person in your life you know will do the right thing.

Its Junior Prom Not a Wedding

Ding has been buzzing for months over her Junior Prom. She has been buzzing so much that I told her if this is what her Junior Prom is like, she will need to run away and get married in a civil ceremony somewhere. It started with her shopping for a dress online. Dresses sure have changed since I was Ding's age. These things really cannot be classified as dresses. They are more akin to a form fitting body stocking.

Ding and Senior Mom ordered a dress for $30 and had it delivered. The dress arrived and because Ding ordered a large, it did not fit. The Wife and Ding eventually went shopping and found something at the local Macy's. Last night it was a visit to the nail salon. Today is the excursion to the hair salon, over to her friend's house for makeup, changing into the too-short body stocking, pre-pictures with Ding's date and all her friends, and finally the journey to the Prom site for more pictures and the celebration. In all honesty this is more involved than mine and The Wife's wedding. I am not looking forward to Senior prom...

Adolescent Angst

Work has been a lovely adventure into the insanity of emerging teenagers. That, coupled with some of the adults acting like their students, has made for an interesting last couple of weeks. Throw into the mix a burst water pipe and a malfunctioning HVAC unit that was spewing gas into the cafeteria are and you have a typical day at work.

This past week we had a girl, the same one who was flashing her chest to boys, never come to school and was running the streets with a high school friend from a town to the south of us. That was on Wednesday and she had not turned up at all yet. She has been sighted but has not come home. Then there was the kid who wears the adult diapers we just discovered after finding them stuffed into lockers, in toilets, and in the garbage for two years. Oh, I can't forget the two kids who have reported numerous incidents of bullying from a variety of tormentors getting into a fight after calling each other names. One of the kids fell and broke his hand to boot.

Enough for now. I have to get ready for Prom Madness. Later...

Theme Day at the School

2009-03-04T20:25:00.000-08:00

Today I had the great fortune to speak to a male student about his inappropriate behavior directed at female students. He was brought into the office for slapping females on the rear. He confessed to not just the one incident from today but multiple incidents over a two month period. The male student informed The Boss and I that "everyone does it" especially on "Slap Ass Friday".

Apparently "SAF" or "Slap Ass Friday" is when males get to slap female students on the butt. It is OK said the student because on "Weenie Wednesdays" the girls get to kick the boys in the privates. The Boss and I could barely hold it together. We had not just one but two theme days at the school. We ventured a question and asked if there were any other theme days going on at school. The boy told us there was one more.

Apparently Tuesday is reserved for "Tittie Touch Tuesdays". I will refrain from describing the theme day as the boy told us and will allow you to use your imagination.

So as it stands we have the following:

Monday: None
Tuesday: "Tittie Touch Tuesday"
Wednesday: "Weenie Wednesday"
Thursday: None
Friday: "Slap Ass Friday"

The Boss and I are taking suggestions for Monday and Thursday to round out the Theme Week. Please forward your suggestions to The Discourser.

Off to do some work. Later...

Crazy Aunt Update

2009-03-02T18:59:00.001-08:00

My crazy aunt is still suffering from dementia. Her deadbeat son had her sign papers illegally to attempt to gain control of her finances and stay living in her house. He is, by all rights, a deadbeat scumbag bent on spending his mother's money to fuel his desire to drink, smoke dope, and freeload. If you Google his name you will find two things. The first is his 1968 conviction for possession and sale of heroin. The second is his $9000 win at a local casino is a poker tournament. Nice...

My aunt's family lawyer is semi-retired so I have a second lawyer on retainer. I have a property manager who is set to sell my aunt's property to ensure she has enough liquid assets to fund her medical care. I have a case worker from Adult Protective Services who investigated the incident.

Overall, the progress of the law is painfully slow. Everything seems to take months rather than days. Thirty days to get him out of the house, sixty to ninety days to appeal once the deadbeat refuses to leave, constant calls to APS to check on the status of the elder financial abuse case, contact with doctors, daily checking to see if her accounts are still solvent (that is The Wife's area of expertise), management of her bills (again the Wife's area), medication management (the Wife again), and annual tax filings (my area).

And her deadbeat son gets to stay in her house spending her money living for free. He doesn't call her, visit her, or do anything for her other than to siphon funds from her.

I am making yet additional calls to agencies and lawyers to get a status report on her cases. I cannot wait for the day when I can be rid of the burden that is the Deadbeat Son and focus on the continuing care for my aunt.

I look forward to updating you on positive news sometime in the near future. I'm off to continue watching Battlestar Galactica on TiVo! Later...

Been a Long Time...

2009-03-02T18:28:00.001-08:00

It has been a while since I last updated. I have not posted simply because there has been a ton of stuff going on since The Wife and The Friend from the East had the Cross Country Chariot demolished by the Flying Wheel of Doom. Here is the low down on all things happening.

The Wife and I were working on trying to resolve the crushed car issue with our insurance agency. The weekend was a wast since no one is actually in the office. I spoke with one broker from our insurance company Monday morning and asked what was going to happen. She stated that we should simply settle and sign the documents as they are presented to us. I was confused because I was under the impression my insurance company would be working to get me the best deal.

The Wife had spoken to the driver's insurance agency and they were denying any responsibility for the wheel that catapulted over the center divide and hit The Wife like a meteor. They said the fault was with the leasing company and not the driver. The leasing company is at fault because they maintain their own vehicles. Neither of us have heard from Penske, the leasing company. I would recommend you tell all your friends this company is potentially negligent in the maintenance of their vehicles and they are quite possibly dangerous to operate. Anyway, we are settling for less than half of what the Cross Country Chariot was originally purchased fro back in 2005.

The Wife and I went looking for a new Cross Country Chariot on Thursday evening. The Wife and Ding had looked at the Toyota RAV4 as a replacement. We went to take a closer look, kick the tires, and talk money with a sales person. Our experience was stellar, no joke. We were not accosted by sales people and were able to look around unmolested for close to 20 minutes. We walked through the showroom a couple of times and finally were approached by our sales guy. He took us to the overstock of vehicles and The Wife picked out one she liked. We then looked at pricing and available options. That is when the sales guy asked us why we were not getting another Highlander. The Wife explained she had compromised on options to get the first one and that she wanted a specific set of options for less money.

The sales guy told us about a good deal. There was one 2008 Highlander left on the lot. The rest were 2009s. We looked at the 2008 and I was stupefied at what was on the car. It had absolutely everything imaginable. It was actually easier for me to ask what was not on the car than what it had. It is not four wheel drive and it does not have a trailer hitch. Other than that it has everything else. Ding and I were watching "Iron Man" on the backseat DVD player and using the wireless headphones. Sick.

Here is the best part. The 2008 Highlander was only $1200 or so more than the 2009 RAV4 as we were appointing it. The other bonus was we could take the Highlander off the lot. We would have had to wait one to two months for the RAV4 to be specially built and shipped from Japan. The Wife and I returned to the lot on Friday and worked with our sales guy, the sales manager, and the finance people to take ownership of the Highlander. Yes, we were close to paying off the first Cross Country Chariot. That just means I will not be getting a new car anytime soon. I will have to make my Trusty Truck last another five years. Oh well...

Off to watch Heroes on TiVo. Later...

Oscar Hangover

2009-02-22T09:22:00.000-08:00

OK, so the Oscar's are not until tonight and you are probably asking yourself how I could possibly have an Oscar Hangover before the actual ceremony. Well, take a seat my friend and I will tell you.

A month or so ago Paul's 365 Photo Blog emailed The Wife and I about going to a special movie event where all five Oscar nominated movies were to be shown in one day. The Wife and I jumped at the chance and spread the word to The Superfriends. The event was well timed since The Friend from the East would be in town and able to participate. We purchased our tickets online and waited for the day to arrive.

I was well aware that this event would require some specific training in order for me to complete the task. I began my rigorous training regimen and spent long hours building up to the 13 plus hour marathon. Using my TiVo and the well worn Vacation Station I worked my way up to nearly half a day of sitting without a break. To avoid total loss of feeling in my lower extremities I had to build in periodic stretch breaks at two hour intervals. This would avoid the painful cramping and loss of blood flow to the legs.

My task was to also create a diet that would allow me to be mostly immobile and yet not create situations where I would have to use the facilities within the standard two hour movie time frame. I chose to begin with a moderate dose of caffeine to partially dehydrate the body along with salty snacks (popcorn, pretzels, etc.) My plan was to hydrate the night before and then deprive my body for the event. Other foods would be generally starchy or sugary to prevent additional bathroom runs. Having worked out my strategy and done heavy training on the weekends I was ready for the event.

We arrived at the theater en mass shortly after 9 a.m. and took our seats just past 9:30. We were the first of probably 15 people in line and got fantastic seats in the first row of the stadium section. I would be making my aisle seat my new home for well over 13 hours.

"Milk" was the first film to be shown at 10:30. Sean Penn was mind blowing as Harvey Milk. I hold firm that he MUST win Best Actor. His performance and portrayal pulled the viewer into the movie. I cheered for him, felt his anguish, and nearly cried when he was murdered. The movie was amazing and I would love to see it win Best Picture as well.

"The Reader" was next and, for me, a total snoozer. I never connected with the actors, was painfully confused at the ending, did not understand why the daughter of Ralph Finnes was ever introduced nor the purpose of her character at all. "Gran Torino" was a far better film and should have been in the group instead of "The Reader".

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" was third and by far the longest film clocking in at 168 minutes. If "Milk" does not win Best Picture it will be because of this movie. The story is epic in nature and spans many generations. The development of Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchet's characters were excellent. The makeup and effects for Pitt were fantastic and the core of the story rings true for everyone. Like "Milk" I was able to suspend reality and forget who the actors were and see them as their characters.

"Slumdog Millionaire" was fourth. By now the ass fatigue was setting in and I needed to spend every non movie moment on my feet. The movie itself was not bad at all. However, it was formulaic in nature. At no point was I ever surprised. At about a third of the way through the movie I could tell how it was going to end. I know this movie has gotten a lot of praise but to follow such a predictable format and be nominated is a bit disappointing. Again, I contend that "Gran Torino" was a better film.

Finally we watched "Frost/ Nixon". A good movie as well but a bit slow. The historical nature of the movie was intriguing and interesting. Frank Langella was astounding as Nixon. However, I found it to be slow and without revelation. The rest of the characters were good but I did not build any sort of connection with any of them, including Nixon. There was only one scene that was riveting, a late night phone call between Nixon and Frost. Other than that, it was a slow movie.

The Wife and I returned home close to one in the morning exhausted and tired. My training regimen worked wonderfully and I am only a little sore from the day long event. Today I plan to watch nothing and only read to try and rid myself of this movie hangover. The Wife and I agree that we will be back for next year's event. I am off to make some breakfast and read a book. Later...

Damage from the Flying Wheel

2009-02-20T19:07:00.000-08:00

The Parable of the Flying Wheel

2009-02-20T18:32:00.000-08:00

The Wife and The Friend from the East were driving northbound on the freeway heading for home after dropping The Boy off at work. The Wife was driving the Cross Country Chariot in the fast lane when she spied a curious sight. There was a flying wheel that had broken free from a south bound flat bed truck. The wheel, according to The Friend from the East, bounded free of the truck, caromed off the center divider, and catapulted skyward into on coming traffic. The Wife was unable to maneuver due to the flow of traffic. The vaulted wheel, which had to be traveling at over 60 mph crashed into the passenger side hood of The Wife's car.

The airbags deployed, the radiator exploded, and the hood was crushed into the engine compartment. The front bumper and passenger side headlamp array were demolished. The Wife and The Friend from the East avoided certain death. No joke. A mile an hour faster and they would have been toast. The Friend from the East stated the paramedics who were present said they were totally lucky to not be injured.

I got the call from The Wife while at work and left immediately. I raced down the freeways and saw the lights and action. The Wife had stopped her car in the fast lane, unable to move any further. The Highway Patrol stopped all traffic and walked them across the freeway to the shoulder and moved her car to the side as well. I was unable to make it to her and was directed to meet her at a gas station a few exits away. Things didn't work out with the towing and I had to meet them at another location.

The Wife and I cleaned everything out of her car and left it at the tow yard. Our insurance company was picking up the car and taking it to their assessment lot for determination of damages. I am hoping they can work out everything with the other company's insurance. I will be royally pissed if one cent has to come out of my pocket for this accident. I will post pics as soon as I get them off The Wife's computer.

Later.

Strange Days...

2009-02-11T21:17:00.000-08:00

Everyone who knows me understands that The Wife and I have been taking care of my crazy aunt since my uncle passed away in December of 2005. She had become increasingly difficult to manage and required extensive work with her longtime family lawyer to secure her financial and medical situation. In the meantime her long lost son had re-emerged in her life. Now for some that might be a good thing. However, for her, the re-emergence of her son was a terrible thing.

He came out when my uncle died to "help". His brand of help was to disappear for 72 hours, cause a mountain of emotional distress for an already distraught elderly woman, require that The Wife and I call the police to file a missing person's report, and wait for him to reappear. He reappeared smelling of alcohol saying he had fallen asleep in a "friend's" van and had no idea where he was when he woke up. Nice story. He left to go back to his home in Virginia a day later.

The son then reappeared saying he was moving out to take care of his mom. He moved out after issuing a letter to his mother trying to extort $24,000. When I found out about the letter The Wife and I put a stop to the check writing but not before he got $8,000 from his mother. He arrived and quickly disappeared again for another three days. Again there was worry, police reports, and his showing up after being seen in a bar in the East Bay. Lovely human.

Over the time he has spent here with his mother he has bilked his mother out of thousands of dollars to fuel his gambling and "hobbies". He has yet to actually get a job to help support his mother.

In June of 2008 I received a phone call on a Saturday morning from her son saying my crazy aunt had fallen at home and broken her hip. She was in the hospital and I needed to get to the ER to decide what to do for her. She had her operation to set her hip and was admitted to a rehab facility. It was there she was diagnosed as not being able to care for herself due to significant cognitive deficits. Her primary care doctor stated she would never be able to go home and live in her house again due to the dementia and cognitive issues.

The Wife and I worked to find a boarding care facility to care for her around the clock. We also had to work with her family lawyer to arrange for me to become her Power of Attorney and make all decisions for her health and financial well being. With all things in place, my aunt was placed in a care facility not five minutes from my home and my place of business. During all this time her son was racking up continued charges on her credit card and not paying for anything.

At the beginning of the year I reviewed her finances and had to make the decision for her extended health care. Based upon the monthly costs for care and the potential increases based on potential increased needs it was determined her house would have to be sold. I informed her son, who has been living utterly free that this was coming. I arranged for a realtor specializing in the potential situation to deal with the property. of course the son refused to allow the home to be shown so a second lawyer specializing in landlord rights and evictions was put on retainer to file the appropriate papers.

The son filed a petition of wrongful eviction two days ago. I was required to appear at my second lawyer's office to sign papers to be filed with The City's rent control board. I left and went to visit my aunt and drop off money to her care takers for medical expenses. I walked in and was informed that her son was visiting. I waited a few minutes and let myself into her bedroom where he was visiting.

I was surprised to find an Asian man, her son, and an older white couple sitting in the room. The Asian man was obviously a Notary Public. I asked, "Who the Hell are you?" He quickly informed me he was "Simply the Notary."

I informed everyone that my aunt was deemed cognitively impaired and was unable to make decisions for herself anymore. I also stated she was unable to sign anything because she was cognitively impaired. The Notary scurried away quickly. I then faced the son and asked him what he was doing. The older white woman stated he now had Power of Attorney. The son then informed me that I would soon find out what was going on. He too scurried away.

I turned to the older couple and asked, "Who the Hell are you?" They stated they were old friends of my aunt's. "Really," I said? "I've never seen you before in my life and I have been involved in my aunt's life for 40 years." I also took the liberty of informing them that they had engaged in an illegal act and would be held liable for their involvement as a result of their breaking the law. They too left quickly.

My next move was to ask my aunt, who was in the room through all of this, who those people were. She thought they were her niece and nephew. She said she signed papers but was never told what they were or what she was signing. Great. I called our lawyer, her primary care physician, the local police force, adult protective services for the county she is currently in, adult protective services for the county she used to live in as a result of a previous investigation into financial abuse by her son, the property lawyer, and went with The Wife to the bank to file an abuse charge against the son.

Tomorrow I will be speaking with the family lawyer, adult protective services for both counties, and I am sure I will be visiting the lawyer's office as well. I am actually hoping we can go to court over this so I can finally expose all the letters of extortion and guilt he has written, the financial abuse, the money he has taken, the expenses he has incurred on his mother's credit, and the repeated attempts at bilking money any way possible.

I will keep you updated as the situation develops. Later...

Tally Update for January

2009-02-01T09:36:00.000-08:00

OK all, here is the tally update for the Fart Counter for January. Drum roll....

392

That is an average of 12.645 noxious and sickening clouds of putrid gas emanating from my insides. I am still below the average of 14 poo bubbles per day, not much mind you, but still under.

The February tally thus far for the new month is 4 starting after midnight to right now. I plan on making a bar graph for the data available when more data points emerge. I may take an upcoming month and chart where the majority of activity is located, morning or evening.

Today The Wife and I are taking KtMDD down to Paul's 365 Photo Blog to get groomed. After that we plan to come home and be very lazy after such a busy weekend.

Later...

Two Day Field Trip Part 2

2009-02-01T09:02:00.000-08:00

The trip required all eligible students to arrive via parent at the rail station at 8:15 to be physically placed in their groups before the 8:44 train. That was a task of gigantic proportions because, as a result of the all-call for volunteers to our parents, we had some folks sign up that we had never laid eyes on before. That minor detail was ironed out and we were able, miraculously, to get all the kids joined up with their chaperones.

The rail people sent two of their workers to help us load our kids on each of the days. Our numbers were so large we were given two cars to ourselves. The Boss and I had every intention of riding the train with the kids up boarding. We then decided to look at the museum paperwork one last time and saw we had to be there in advance to register the group and get their access passes. Great. The train departed and The Boss and I jumped into my truck to race down ahead of the group.

I got onto the freeway and promptly stopped due to morning commute traffic. The train ride would take one hour and three minutes. Traffic was stop and go in most places and in others we flew like the wind. I was a good 10 miles away from the rail station with 12 minutes before the arrival of our first group. Let's not mention that neither The Boss or I had ever been to this station not this part of the destination city ever. I had printed up the walking direction from the station to the tech museum from Google Maps and was able to alternately drive as fast as legally possible and chart the course for me to get to the station. We arrived about one minute ahead of the train and walked onto the station property as the hordes of students and adults stepped out of the building. We greeted them with big smiles and got them ready for their walking trip to the museum a mile away.

We waved as they started their walk through a drab and run down old industrial area before sprinting back to the truck. Again we read the map as I drove through the streets in search of the museum. We passed our group and waved some more before losing them in the winding streets. I pulled up in front of the museum and The Boss leaped from the truck as I was still moving. I thrust the registration papers at her while cars maneuvered around us. She raced into the museum as I rejoined the downtown traffic in search of parking.

The closest lots were all full and street parking was like a cogent thought in George W. Bush's brain...non-existent. I wandered the streets in search of parking for ten minutes. I finally found a parking lot five blocks away and docked my trusty truck. I hustled my way through the streets of downtown amazed at the incredible restaurants, cafes, bakeries, and top notch hotels. It had been over 20 years since I had been here and the tallest building then was seven stories. The place was magnificent and I made mental notes to return with The Wife.

My feet landed on the sidewalk in front of the museum as the 200+ group arrived. The Boss and I, both breathless from the racing around, smiled, waved, and directed the group into the museum's great room. There we let the docents and workers take over and give direction as to what the rules were and the time of the IMAX movie. The Boss and I nearly collapsed as the kids went with their chaperones.

The day passed wonderfully and it was time to leave. We gathered the group at 1:15 and left for the train. The Boss and I hustled the five blocks to my truck and raced back to the station. The train for our departure was set to leave at 1:40. The leading edge of kids arrived at 1:34. We were running behind...

The Boss ran into the station to direct the hordes of people to the platform while I announced they had three minutes to get to the train. I chose three minutes because that builds a sense of urgency a whole lot more than six. The entire group began jogging to the train. The Boss was acting like a third base coach giving the go sign to head home and urged them to move faster. The group was now pumped up to a full sprint as we hit the platform. With the help of two rail workers we were able to load everyone in under two minutes. The train left at 1:42...

Still, The Boss and I could not relax. We got back to the truck and had to race back up to the station to meet our group once more. We arrived with about 15 minutes to spare thanks to a lack of traffic. Finally we breathed easy. The train arrived an everyone disembarked. Parents picked up their charges and we left with a huge sense of relief.

That was the first day. Because we are crazy, we did it all again the next day with equally fabulous results. Kudos to everyone involved in organizing, planning, and executing the massive all school field trip.

Two Day Field Trip Event Part 1

2009-01-29T20:01:00.000-08:00

The Boss and I planned an all school field trip for our students over the course of two days. This idea was spawned in the late summer as The Boss, The Wife, one of our teachers, and I attended the grand re-opening of the world's greenest museum and aquarium. Our teacher, a science instructor, wanted to take a small group of students to the new museum after it officially opened. The Boss, on the other hand, wanted to take the entire school. Well, we tried but were unable to book reservations for such a gigantic group. Remember, our school has NEVER embarked upon such a venture in its 50-plus year existence.

That is when we started looking for a place to take hard working, well deserving students. There is a museum that specializes in technology and innovation about 50 miles to the south of our school's location. We priced buses but the overall cost was close to $8000, way out of our operating budget. The cost of the museum, on the other hand, was free based upon our school's overall socio-economic status. Our former administrative intern (now an assistant principal at another school) came up with the idea of taking the commuter train. The train dropped off a mile from the museum and the students and adult chaperones could walk to the destination.

The Boss and I took over the project after the administrative intern left for his new job at the Christmas break. I began the task of rounding up parent volunteers as well as recruiting staff to go on the trip. The museum had a strict 8:1 ratio. I was able to get the needed 40 parent volunteers lined up and committed. The students were screened into the trip using grade point averages, behavior, and teacher recommendation. In the end we had 430 eligible students. We also had 65 adults committed to taking the trip. My next task was to line up tickets...

I called the rail commission to arrange the discounted tickets. This was on Thursday the 22nd. The woman on the phone had all of our information but stated I needed to book the trip by the fifth of the month. There was silence on my end of the phone. I sat there stunned as a wave of numbness hit my left arm. I thought I was going to stroke out...I begged the woman for clemency, plead for mercy and, upon her direction, waited to hear back from her. The Boss called the lady's supervisor and begged for help. We told no one as we prayed for clemency...

The rail commission called on Thursday afternoon and said that, if we had a credit card, we would be able to get the tickets. Thank the gods we had the school district's credit card on hand. We booked the tickets for around $4000. All we had to do was pick them up at the railway headquarters on Monday afternoon.

With the trip booked, the museum booked, and the students separated into their mandatory groupings, The Boss and I were ready for the actual trip. That is when things got very busy.

More on that in the next post...

Kompulsive Klepto and the Body Shot Boys

2009-01-24T07:45:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since I had a Friday as busy as yesterday. This was a Full Moon Freaky Friday if ever there was one except there was no full moon. The end result was 11 suspensions with 2 recommendations for expulsion out of those eleven. Wow...Here is the tale of the Kompulsive Klepto and the Body Shot Boys.

It all started with a teacher bringing a student to my office just after 8:30. I had just completed a parent conference when the teacher walked in and presented me with a student. The student, who had just returned from a five day suspension the day before for stealing a new iPod Nano from another kid, had also been found to have stolen another student's digital camera. The camera had been confiscated by a teacher from the owner and stored in the teacher's desk. The thief, Kompulsive Klepto (KK) took the opportunity when the teacher and class were outside the room to rifle through the teacher's desk to steal the camera.

The Boss and I found out about the camera and confronted KK when they returned to school after serving the iPod suspension. KK was directed to bring the camera directly to The Boss. Instead KK returned the camera to the victim and told the victim to tell The Boss and I the camera had simply been lost and that the victim had found it at home. The message was also delivered by a few of KK's friends throughout the morning. Bad idea...

I had The Boss come to my office after finishing their parent conference and had KK tell her tale of woe. The story reminded us both of a very similar situation four years ago. We decided it was time to involve the local boys in blue. The police were called and quickly arrived to take our statements as well as begin the process needed to submit the case to the juvenile court. An hour later the police left after speaking to the owner of the iPod, the camera, and the owner of a $400 cell phone that KK was involved in stealing earlier in the year. KK was arrested and released to their parent, was suspended for another five days, and will have to go before the school board for an expulsion review.

Let's take a step back to my parent meeting before the entrance of KK. I was meeting with the parent of a male student who had been suspended for fighting. This was his fifth offense that was a violation of state education code. By all rights I had enough to expel this student as well. However, The Boss and I decided to bring the student back on a contract. We stated to both the parent and the student that any violation of the contract would immediately result in suspension and referral for expulsion. More on this later...

I was processing the paperwork for KK's hearing when I received word over my radio there were fights on the yard during the first lunch period. I already had four staff on the yard and for them to call it in meant it was spinning out of control. The Boss, myself, and my head custodian hit the yard looking for the problems. We found a group of not-so-smart boys engaged in something called Body Shots. Apparently when you are intellectually impaired it is fun to hit one another in the torso and arm area until someone quits the "game". Apparently combatants will call one another out and a group of equally defective young people will crowd around to watch. That is what was going on at lunch in two different locations.

The Boss and I rounded up a few boys and began questioning them. Of course they spilled their guts and gave up the names of others involved. The Body Shot Boys were, for the most part, frequent fliers in my office. The investigation, processing, and parent meetings of the Body Shot Boys took a good three hours. For their sins each Body Shot Boy earned three days of suspension and loss of privileges for our upcoming school field trip next week.

As we processed one of the last Body Shot Boys we found that the two main instigators had not been dealt with. We had questioned them but let them go until more information about their involvement came our way. We finally got what we needed from a student. The instigator? Well it was the kid I had met with in the morning who was returning from a suspension for fighting. The same one with the multiple state education code violations...so guess who my second expulsion is going to be next week.

And so ends the tale of Kompulsive Klepto and the Body Shot Boys...

Today I plan to a little relaxing and then some work to get ahead of the curve for next week's tasks. Have a great weekend.

Happy Obama Day!

2009-01-20T19:44:00.000-08:00

What a day. For today's historic event we shut down the entire school from 8:30 to 10:00 a.m. today. My head custodian and I walked the entire school, through every single room to ensure that teacher's televisions worked. The city I work in jumped on the digital bandwagon about two months ago and converted over to the all digital signal. That meant in order to get the Inauguration, every television would have to have a digital converter box. We were able to get eight for the 28 rooms needing a cable signal.

My Network Manager and I brainstormed last Friday to come up with a solution. The cable drop comes into the main data room on our campus and then funnels through a giant splitter that, in turn, funnels out to every classroom. We thought it possible to place the converter box in front of the splitter thereby giving every television access to the digital signal. The downside would be that every television would be tuned to the same channel. We tested it last Friday and it worked like a charm. After work I ran to two different Radio Shack stores to buy 12 eight foot coax cables for classrooms that were without a cable connection.

Today things went off with only a few minor glitches. The first would be that some teachers failed at even being able to manage turning on their television sets. My office was contacted by no less than five staff members stating their television wasn't working. My head custodian found that all but one was a pilot error. I mean, how hard is it to turn the TV on and put it to channel 3? Apparently it was hard for four of them. The final issue was because the TV was so damned old the channel selector was broken. A replacement TV was rolled in with plenty of time to spare.

The Boss and I watched the Inauguration on her colossal 13-inch television in her office. We were glued to the screen like moths attracted to a flame. Both of us were seriously enraged when five young people were sent to the office for being unable to demonstrate the necessary maturity to keep their mouths shut and watch television. The Boss and I told them when they looked back on this historic day they could tell their friends and families they were in the office and missed the entire thing because they were acting like idiots. The Boss then told them, "You have ruined your history, you do not have the right to ruin my history." They sat in silence for the majority of the event.

On a personal level, I have NEVER felt a part of the governmental process. Neither have I ever felt so personally invested in anything outside of my personal sphere. Today was an emotional culmination for so many struggles. Not my own but those endured by every people not considered the majority in this country. I have been spared the indignities of persecution and prejudice as a result of having a Caucasian appearance. However, my abuelo, abuela, tios, y tias suffered greatly. They were verbally and physically abused for being Mexican and had their names changed to Americanized variants upon attending school. They were ignored by their school administration and quick to be disciplined for speaking Spanish at school. There was never any inkling they could advance on the social spectrum.

Today all of the American people heard they too had the chance to become anything they wanted, even President of the United States. The promise has finally been fulfilled and I am filled with joy and hope. Today the future looks bright and new again and holds tremendous promise for all of us. Today I felt like I was part of the process and that someone in power was working for the regular working class American and not just the one percent. Today was a good day. Today was Obama Day.

Later...

The BART Murder Thing...

2009-01-15T19:58:00.000-08:00

Lately the news has been filled with images of the shooting of an African-American male by a transit police officer working for an agency called BART. The grainy and raw footage of the incident is generally followed by video and images of people marching and people vandalizing and terrorizing the city of Oakland. The family of the slain man has been on the television alongside their prominent attorney espousing the virtues of their lost relative. He was a young family man with a job and a wife caring for a very young little girl. The entire event is tragic and horribly wrong. The Wife and I watched the footage on television as it was first broadcast and both of us were instantly outraged and aghast. We looked at one another and simultaneously said, "That was murder."

As the days passed, the story continued to extol the slain man's virtues. However, a few questions began to arise as I listened to the story. First, what was this virtuous man doing on a BART train at 2:00 in the morning fighting with a bunch of other grown men? I understand the family says the slain man abhorred violence. However, the evidence suggests he was detained with a number of other men for fighting and brawling. If he was innocent why was he struggling with the police. In fact, if he was innocent of any wrong doing why not cooperate with the police.

These questions do not excuse the behavior of the police officer. I get it that the police officer probably grabbed his service weapon instead of his tazer. However, having held and handled both a service weapon and a tazer I can state they are vastly different. Now, my experience with each of these weapons is in a controlled environment with no pressures of a crime scene. The arrest of the officer is justified and the right thing to do in this case because no matter the circumstances, he took the life of a man.

Now, let me turn to the reaction of the protesters. Many of those who walked the streets to protest the wrongful death did so in the fashion of those great marchers before them. They marched peacefully letting the community know their pain and displeasure. However, as it usually happens these days, a small contingent of people decided to shirk the morays and values of a civilized society and act in a damaging manner. To put it plainly, they rioted. They destroyed businesses and personal property of people in the community. I understand vandalizing the police cars but not the property of innocent people. The animalistic mob mentality of the community sickens me. We saw this same orgasmic violence during the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. It also sickens me that these rioters destroy their own community. That is akin to being pissed and destroying your own home. Idiots.

As a law abiding citizen working hard to "be the change I want to see in the world", I give carte blanche to the law enforcement agencies to use extreme force in these situations. Quell the rioters in a brutal "Hammer of God" manner to minimize their impact on the rest of the community. Now I know that is not how we do things in America and it is counter intuitive to what I do. I get that...however, I was pissed that first night when the rioters stole the message from the actual protesters and I was pissed the second time it happened when the message again was stolen. No one will remember the actual purpose of the protest. They will only remember the violence and damage resulting from the rioting idiots. Another negative perception for a city blighted by inter-racial violence and poverty.

This is as close to a rant as I have come in a long time. The event was horrific. The outcome will be in the hands of our justice system to determine the punishment appropriate for the crime. I sincerely hope the message being delivered by the protesters can be heard above the sound of breaking glass so the greater community can work for positive change and social justice.

I am off to do my nightly reading and watch American Idol...Later.

PS: The count is now at 169 for a daily average of 11.267.

Tally Update and Other Things

2009-01-10T09:36:00.000-08:00

I wanted to take a moment to give folks an update on my little project for 2009. As you all know I have been tallying the amount of times I have expelled gas from my body. The tally is for only gasses emitted from the backside, not the occasional burp or belch. Thus far, as of a few minutes ago, the tally stands at 106 noxious emanations. Seeing that is January 10, that would equate to 10.6 clouds of sickening filth per day. The revised average for 2009 is approximately 3869.

According to "Everything You Wanted to Know About Flatulence But Were Afraid to Ask", the average person expels half a liter of gas via fourteen farts per day. I feel somewhat better knowing I am four emanations per day under the average. And I thought I had a gas problem. HA!

Anyway, I plan to chart the monthly average on an excel sheet and, over the course of the year, update it with a bar chart to show gassy and non-gassy months. More on that later.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to travel to the annual MacWorld conference held out on the Left Coast. This was the year Apple chose to announce it would be their last year of attending. My colleagues and I decided we needed to partake in the spectacle seeing it was Apple's last year. We arrived on the last day and were decidedly underwhelmed at the showing of product. There was no stellar release from the Apple company save for software upgrades to iLife and iWork and the very unsecret release of the 17-inch MacBook.

The booths were lackluster and offered minimal amounts of SWAG (Stuff We All Get). The majority of accessories and items being hawked were covers and skins for the 3G iPhone and the many iterations of the iPod. There were at least two of these companies on every single aisle, a tremendous amount when seeing that the dealer room was in both the North and South exhibit halls. The other major accessory was a prolific amount of computer bags. Most were reasonably priced but then there were the $150 laptop bags and the ones for even more that were getting little to no traffic. The rest of the show was a myriad of software and appliances for servers and music.

The one vendor that had me very puzzled was the largish Verizon booth. Verizon? Really? Were they aware that the iPhone is exclusively carried by ATT? I guess not. That would account for the fact that NO ONE was at the booth save for the poor slobs assigned to work there. Idiots...

My colleagues and I also noticed that every booth save for the small companies were staffed by car show girls. We know there was a car show in the area and wondered if there were any girls working it. In fact, from the look of some of the booth girls, we determined that the local porn industry must have ground to a halt as a result of the show.

Anyway, the show was a bust for me. There was no messianic preaching from the King of Kool-Aid, Steve Jobs, no new Holy Grail being released, no great freebies, and a crap load of the same stuff down every aisle. I am registered for next year but in all likelihood, I will not attend unless something massive is released.

Off to tend to FCA's business, do some grocery shopping, and take care of business. Have a great weekend. Later...

The Pace and New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-07T19:01:00.000-08:00

OK, so vacation was over as of Monday morning. normally when a person returns from a vacation there is a short break in period followed by a return to the normal flow of work. However, that was not the case as we embarked on the second half of the school year.

The short break in period lasted for about 15 minutes as both The Boss and I were inundated by parents and kids reporting issues and making requests for assistance before school even started. We heard all about the kids getting into trouble over the break, had three students start at the school, changed schedules as a result of parent requests, and got new staff acclimated to the school. Top that up with instant meetings, phone calls, and personnel issues and you have us hitting the accelerator and burning rubber before we could take our jackets off.

Over the course of the vacation period I decided to make two resolutions. The first is to read a book a month for the new year. Lately I have been finding myself residing exclusively on the Net and losing touch with the printed word. I have enough books on my shelves here at The Homestead to last me more than a year, hence the resolution. Thus far I have read "Torso" about the first official serial killer in the United States and am currently reading the President Elect's book "The Audacity of Hope." Both excellent books and very different in their content.

The second resolution is more like an experiment. I chose to download an application for my iPhone that is a simple counter. My goal is to track how many times I expel noxious gasses out of my body. The entries are covered by a certain criteria. In terms of expelling gas, there is a start and end. Some are longer some are shorter. A single entry will have a specific start and stop. There are times when there are multiple entries as a result of one large gas bubble trying to escape. We are counting single bursts, not a singular bubble. "Farts" do not count if you are sitting on the commode. However, a "shart" will count. For the uninitiated a "shart" is when you fart but accidentally crap yourself. While rare they do happen.

I plan on taking a monthly tally, recording them into an excel spread sheet, and then chart the annual results using a bar graph to document my most gassy months. Thus far I am on pace to reach 3,858 entries by December 31 at 11:59 p.m. That tally is actually down from the 4,500 entries I was on pace to achieve over the first two days of the new year. I am highly interested in seeing what months present the biggest challenges for air quality. If interested I will post a monthly tally and an on-going tally at the end of each month...whoops...have to make an entry now.

Anyway, I am off to seek out something resembling dinner and settle in to reading my book. Later...

End of Vacation Roundup

2009-01-04T18:53:00.000-08:00

Well, it has finally arrived...the end of vacation. Tomorrow signals the return to "the grind" and the work of educating tomorrow's leaders. I have been lax in my posting over the break simply because I have been doing as little as possible in all areas of my life. However, the last few days have been filled with a lot of busy work.

First off, the matter of Ding demolishing the garage door has led to a few other consequences not fully discovered until about a week ago. In running into the garage door, the impact pushed Senior Mom's vehicle forward about a foot into the wall of our storage closet. The impact, while negligible for the vehicle served to be detrimental to the wall. There was the obvious broken dry wall, a given under the circumstances. However, the impact pushed a wall stud into the closet area breaking the floor support in the process. Result: malformed wall impacting the storage capacity of the closet. I am calling an acquaintance tomorrow to get an estimate on the repairs. Ugh...

Second, The Wife finally made the commitment to purchase a new desktop computer. For years she and I have been advocates and users of the PC/ Windows platform. However, over the course of the last two or three years we have become advocates of the Apple/ OSX platform. The Wife and I both have MacBook laptops and iPhones. She has become more and more comfortable using the Mac platform and has seriously looked at making a full platform switch for her home computer. About a week ago she bit the bullet and ordered her iMac desktop replacement.

The new desktop arrived and I began the task of dismantling her old desktop, an HP Pavilion a450n. I actually just set it up outside of her desk area in order to facilitate file transfers. I then transferred The Wife's My Documents folder to the external NAS drive hooked up to our home network. The My Documents folder held everything relevant outside of her saved emails. The transfer to the NAS drive was not without incident. Folders inside of her actual documents folder system refused to appear on the NAS drive. I had to physically migrate them over to her new desktop using my 8 GB flash drive. Weird...

Once transferred I set up the new iMac desktop. This thing is truly incredible looking and functions wonderfully out of the box. Setup was a breeze. I assigned her identity, password, uploaded MS Office 2004, iWorks '08, setup her email, downloaded Firefox (because IE is dead on the Mac and Safari is...well Safari), and discovered her printer was already configured with the push of a button. Awesome. I then pulled down all of her pictures and documents from the NAS drive to the iMac in a few minutes.

The uber headache came in trying to set up her iTunes to sync Entourage (the Mac version of Outlook) instead of iCal with her iPhone. I ended up banging my head against the wall for over two hours and had to call in reinforcements to assist. Paul's 365 Photo Blog and his wife came over after a long road trip to assist. I felt like a fool when Paul pointed out I needed to update the version of Entourage. Egads...how could I have missed that! Anyway, a few minor hiccups later and everything was good! Thanks for the save Paul!

Another strange issue that arose as of the file transfer was some weird crap going on with emailing from one computer to the other. Apparently you need to change the mail from HTML to plain text when sending stuff out. That solved one issue but the problem of sending mail attachments was a huge problem. The work around I used was sending them to my GMail account and then bouncing them on to The Wife's account on the iMac. That worked out fine but resulted in many lost hours of head scratching.

Today I did a ton of web searching on how to transfer The Wife's existing iTunes files over to the new computer. I found four or five user solutions and tried a few of them. Each of the solutions resulted in an empty iTunes library when they said it would populate the program. Still, not one to be daunted, I pressed forward and consulted the "Horse's mouth", Apple's iTunes support page. While some of the support page's recommendations were clear and on the money, others were a tad off and required some creative thinking. The end result was a fully populated iTunes library! Success!

The Wife is now on to the task of loading every one of her music CDs into iTunes to sync with her new iPod Classic that came with her computer. With a 500 GB hard drive she will probably fill it only one tenth the way.

My next task is to refurb the old desktop PC. I plan on swapping out the old 512 RAM stick for 2 GB and probably getting a new CD/ DVD Writer since the one in there has forgotten it can burn DVDs. The computer is actually pretty good still. It is a Pentium 4 3.0 GHz processor. With the addition of the RAM, a clean wipe of the HDD, and the new optical drive the tower should be good for use by Ding. Of course I will need to load MS Office, iTunes, Acrobat, and a few other items in order for it to be ready to go.

For the rest of the night I plan on enjoying the last few hours of vacation before heading off to bed. Later...

Holiday Viewing

2008-12-30T18:45:00.000-08:00

This holiday season has found The Wife and I getting caught up on all the shows we love to watch. Now, being that we do not subscribe to super expensive cable, we choose to rent our shows through Netflix. We have caught up on all of our new favorites, begun new shows, and got reacquainted with an old favorite.

First order of business was to finish off a new favorite called "Weeds." "Weeds" appears on Showtime and revolves around the life of a suburban widow with two children. To make ends meet she begins selling marijuana to the denizens of the suburban planned community. We finished all three seasons off and are waiting for the fourth.

Next we completed the second season of "Dexter," another Showtime series. "Dexter" is a show about Dexter Morgan, a blood pathologist for the Miami police department who also happens to be a serial killer. He was raised by an old police officer after being adopted and taught a code for his urges. Dexter only kills those that deserve the honor or who have demonstrated serial killer tendencies. He is the anti-hero vigilante. We both await season three with baited breath.

The Wife and I began watching "Six Feet Under" from HBO. The show is about a family in Los Angeles that owns and runs a mortuary/ funeral home. One of the characters just so happens to be Michael C. Hall who now plays Dexter over on Showtime. The Wife and I watched the first three episodes and feel we may make the commitment to watch the five full seasons that make up the series.

We also began watching "Band of Brothers" from HBO. This one was so good we decided to purchase the ten episode mini-series and watch it with Senior Dad who enjoys the genre. I particularly enjoyed the use of the real soldiers from Easy Company of the 101st Airborne. Simply put, the series is epic and I would recommend it to everyone. The series is packed with stars from television and movies and is superb in its writing and production.

The Wife and I also made a return to the fabled "Sopranos." God, I love this series. We are watching the fifth season and I utterly love the crass, rude, rough around the edges characterizations. The violence is raw and the dialogue is edgy. I utterly enjoy the twisted lives of the mafioso as they navigate their violent and crime ridden worlds. "The Sopranos" is blockbuster huge in its production values and cast. For me, it is what is awesome about cable series. I am looking forward to seeing the final season and how it all ends.

The Wife and I also rented a couple of scary movies to watch with Ding and The Boyfriend. Last night we watched "The Ring" and also rented "Amityville Horror". They were too scared to rent "The Exorcist" but I am still working on convincing them to rent it in the near future.

I have also been obsessing over Mario Kart for the Wii. I could play that game for hours but force myself to stop lest it become like Gran Tourismo on the Play Station.

I am off to watch more of The Sopranos. Later...

Night Out in The City

2008-12-23T22:19:00.000-08:00

The Wife and I were accompanied by Paul's 365 Photo Blog, his wife, his son, Ding, The Boyfriend, and his mother, brother, and little sister to go into The City and see the Christmas lights and ride the historic cable cars from the shopping district to the wharf district. The Wife, Ding, and I have gone on this ride many times in the past and we were prepared to stand in the endless line of people to ride the cable cars. The standard wait time for us in the past has been an hour or more on both ends of the line.

We drove into The City and fought through the shopping district car traffic to get into the centrally located garage. Amazingly enough, I found parking not twenty feet from the main elevators on the second sub floor. We disembarked and began our walk to the line. The entire group made a pit stop at a local bar and grill to use their facilities. The men's room was a bit shocking. I walked through the door directly onto the landing of a staircase. The stairs which were more than a flight and a half teetered on the brink of being a ladder. The angle of the stairs was a dizzying 60 degrees and terminated in the tile floored bathroom. Walking up out of the bathroom was like scaling a mountain. Side Note: Do not navigate stairs while the least bit tipsy...

With everyone fresh and ready, the group began the two block walk to the main station. The streets were filled with people and the sidewalks were a bit crowded as we crossed from block to block. We ended our two block jaunt at the main station. I was stunned into silence. There was not one person waiting for a car. No one. It was a ghost town of sorts. Some bum directed us into the line and I shoved a couple of dollar bills into his hand for the assistance. Our total wait time was less than five minutes for a cable car. Nothing like the hour to hour and a half wait I have experienced in the past.

The ride over the hills and through the streets was fun. The lights of The City and the carious districts we passed through were all festive and pretty. I saw countless little restaurants and shops I would love to stop and visit along the way. The air was cool but not freezing and the sky was clear. Stars peeked out of the night sky as they competed with the glowing lights of The City. The Financial District was aglow as was Coit Tower all lit in red.

Our ride ended at the corner and we stepped off in front of the Buena Vista, home of the Irish Coffee. Something felt amiss as I stepped onto the sidewalk. Normally the Buena Vista is packed with people and a mass of people standing outside waiting to get inside. Tonight we were the only ones outside. There was ample room inside the place to accommodate our party. We passed the restaurant and began the block long walk to the "Square" for dinner and some chocolates. Stores were beckoning but save for us, there was no one on the streets. I marveled at the utter absence of cars parked along the street. It was truly eerie. This area is normally teeming with tourists and City dwellers alike. There were not even cars driving on the street. Nothing.

We arrived at The Square and walked into a diner for some dinner. Our party was the only people save the staff inside the place. We ate and left in about 45 minutes. Once we left the staff shut the restaurant down, 30 minutes before the posted closing time. The only place actually doing business was the chocolate and ice cream shop located on the corner. Of course it is the flagship of The Square and should be busy. However, it was not teeming with patrons as it has been in years past.

The ten of us left The Square and headed back to the cable car station for the ride back. On our walk back only one car was seen driving on the street. Not even a taxi cab was seen. Again we arrived to no line and were the first people waiting for the next car to depart. We got right on within minutes of our arrival and began our trip back to the shopping district and our cars. The Wife and I had three teenagers standing on the platform holding onto the handles in front of us. The three kids had to be seventh or eight graders, no more. I had to bite my tongue and refrain from telling them to hold onto the handles as we traveled along the rails. I resigned myself to the possibility of one of them being sheared off the platform by a truck mirror or the back of some SUV. As luck would have it no Darwin Award would be issued. The three children made it all the way to our stop, a mere two blocks from the end of the line.

We arrived back and got right to our cars for the ride home. I was still stunned at the lack of people at the cable car lines and at the wharf area. The lack of anyone is painful evidence our economy is hurting more than I had ever imagined. Granted, it was getting late in the evening but we have taken this same trip many times and never had this experience. Very disquieting.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Some idiot family member has taken it upon themselves to invite people over to our house without our knowledge. Senior Mom was under the impression the idiot family member was thinking of stopping by in the evening. I guess idiot family member is making it a party at The Homestead. Best of luck to them since we will not be supplying their "looking for a handout" selves with food, drink, or desserts. They will be lucky if I change out of my pajamas for the day. If the Seniors are out I may not even respond to the doorbell.

Anyway, I extend my warmest holiday wishes to all of you out there. Be safe and enjoy those around you as we celebrate the holidays with one another. Later...

Assaulting the Mall with Surgical Precision

2008-12-22T18:17:00.000-08:00

This morning Ding and I took off for the Mall to Christmas shop for The Wife. My plan was to arrive at the mall at exactly opening time to avoid the staggering crush of people that generally show up in the afternoon. Last night I downloaded the map of the mall to plan my parking and assault on the stores I was planning on visiting. The overall plan would allow Ding and I to complete our mission in two ours.

I awoke about an hour before the alarm and puttered around The Dungeon with KtMDD. The Wife arose a few minutes later and we both began the process of getting ready for the day. The Wife was on a mission to finish off shopping for Senior Dad. Ding and I departed The Homestead at 8:45 a.m. and arrived at the mall pretty darned close to 9:00. I was finished with my first purchase and walking out of the store by 9:15 a.m. I had to stop by the local Apple store to take a school laptop in for some service. That too was over quickly and the two of us were off on our shopping mission once again.

Each store we hit, save for one, was super quick. The one store we took a considerable amount of time in was broken into two visits. We started and then diverted ourselves to eat a breakfast consisting of Auntie Anne's pretzels and soda. Then it was back to the store for browsing. In the end, Ding and I left the mall at exactly 11:00 a.m. We made one quick stop at another store and then headed back to The Homestead.

Once back I was drafted into The Wife's slave army. I made the dough for chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter cookies while Ding, The Wife, and Senior Mom ran to the grocery store. I also assisted in making chocolate haystacks. All are pretty tasty and will more than likely not make it to New Year's.

Tomorrow The Wife and I will hopefully be able to do a whole lotta nothin'. Of course I still have to wrap The Wife's Christmas loot but that is a minimal task. With three days to Christmas I find it strange to feel it not quite, well...Christmasy. Yes we had our annual holiday party and we all did Secret Santa in the house. I am sure it will feel plenty Christmasy when we set ourselves down on Christmas Eve waiting for St. Nick to arrive.

I am off to review some documentation for The Wife's flip camera and putter on the Net. Later...

Just a Few Minutes...

2008-12-20T10:47:00.001-08:00

Sorry for the delay in posting but things have been a little hectic with the closing of school for the Winter Break and everything associated with that task. While it is not the end of the school year it is the longest break we have other than summer vacation. That means all meetings and loose ends really need to be tied up before stepping out the door.

One of our staff who has been training to be an administrator found a great job a little to the South and took the position. While we are all happy for them it leaves a gaping hole in our team. We were able to fill that with an internal position. However, the falling domino game began and we found ourselves looking for a replacement for the replacement. Luckily we found a guy from parts East who was relocating to the area. He had started his career out here but moved with his wife's job. Now they are back. If that wasn't enough, another staff member is taking a leave to help out family. Another hole in our team. Finally, we have another staff member leaving to give birth soon which will leave yet another hole for filling. Ugh...

These positions, along with the two we released and filled earlier in the year make a total of seven staff. The last person was the office manager who retired after experiencing some health issues after nearly 30 years of service. This has been a transition year for sure!

The Wife and I are now off on break. Tonight we are hosting our annual holiday party for friends...and family. Thank goodness the "family" part is dwindling. The party is infinitely more fun when it is stocked with friends. Family is just so burdensome especially when you dislike so many of the members. The downside of the party is that we have to put KtMDD in the overnight kennel. The last time he was there he caught an illness. At least I think it was an illness because he was lethargic and pooped liquid for a few days. No good in my book. However, short of taking him and keeping him in his travel box for the duration of the party, we have no real choice.

Monday will have me doing my Christmas shopping for The Wife at the local malls. A truly hellish experience and one that I am hoping to start bright and early as to avoid the last minute shoppers. The good thing is that most of the last minute shoppers are guys so I do not feel so bad.

Anyway, off to prepare for the party and take care of a few last minute chores. Later...

Out Vile Demons!

2008-12-10T17:34:00.000-08:00

So today has been a better day in terms of the plague that has stricken me. I have maintained my regimen of DayQuil to stave off the sickness and just now completed cleaning The Dungeon. I began by taking a shower hot enough to cook flesh in the hopes of using heat to kill the horrendous little microbes. Once finished with the human cleansing I set my sights on the bed.

My first choice would have been to burn the sheets, pillow cases, slip covers, dual mattress pads, and memory foam mattress topper. Seeing that I didn't have another $500 to throw away I chose to wash the sheets, pillow cases, and mattress pads on the hottest settings allowable. I just now finished getting the bed stuff out of the dryer and made the bed. I also washed the towels and clothing that I had been in contact with over the course of the past three days. I seriously thought of burning that stuff but drew the line when I saw it was a spare the air day.

I am planning on going back to work in the morning but will make that final determination after I awaken. Thus far it looks likely that I will once again rise with the droning of the alarm clock, hit the shower, and don my office garb to muddle through yet another day. These last few days before the holiday break are interminable. People are at their breaking point and I have to be extra careful to show empathy for everyone. Anyone that knows me at all will understand how this is truly a monumental task.

Here are a few things you should be aware of if you are stricken with this vile disease...

First, the headache that last for a couple of weeks is a sure sign things are not right. When aspirin has no effect begin dosing yourself with cold and flu medicines. Second, excessive sweating at night even when the temperature is cold is a sign you are doing battle with a fever of some sort. Again, start the cold/ flu medicine regimen. Finally, uncontrollable chills followed by overwhelming heat is just bad. Again, medicate heavily...

Here is what I did wrong. I ignored the two weeks of headache warnings and failed to take any medicine. I ignored the night sweats and aching back warnings and failed to take anything. If I had intervened earlier I might not have been stricken as badly.

I recommend using Robitussin Cough, Cold, and Flu for the night. That stuff is like morphine in that it knocks you out. For the day there are a few things to consider. I have enjoyed DayQuil tablets washed down with Alka Seltzer Plus. Yes it is double dosing and gives you quite the OTC buzz. That was many years ago. Now I stick with the 4 hour regimen of DayQuil until about 6 p.m. Follow that with the Robitussin at 10 and you are golden for the night.

Forget crap like mega doses of vitamin C, Cold-eze, and Airborn. You might as well pop Skittles and M&M's and call it medicine. Stick with the stuff you have to ask the pharmacist to get from behind the counter.

I am off to finish the laundry. Later...

I Have the Plague

2008-12-10T06:31:00.000-08:00

I have been stricken with some terrible affliction over the past few days. I have been experiencing uncontrollable chills, fever, coughing, debilitating headaches, body aches in places that should not ache, and pain in all my joints. The mini questionnaire on WebMD spells it out pretty clearly; it is the flu.

The symptoms and time line explain a lot in terms of how I have been feeling over the past few weeks. Apparently this thing has been gestating in my body like one of those crazy Aliens that rip out of your stomach. I am happy to report that there have been no issues with stomach illness (looking for wood to knock on) or uncontrollable urges to purge my innards. Thank goodness! One thing I utterly hate is having to upchuck.

I would like to report that DayQuil is some pretty good stuff. It does the job of helping reduce the headaches, body aches, and fever. NyQuil last night was a massive disappointment. Normally I take Robitussin Cough, Cold, and Flu. However, there was none in the house so I went for the NyQuil. According to the jingle, it is supposed to allow me to rest. Well, I rested not one bit, tossed and turned all night long, and was as hot as a coal fired furnace. Hopefully the night of burning heat was the fever breaking.

Right now I still have a pretty bad headache and I am very cold. Soon I will be having some crackers and my first shot of DayQuil.

Side Note: Daily television is a total wasteland. I refused to watch the inane talk shows presented on the major networks and was forced to watch horrible reruns of "Tales from the Darkside" on the SciFi Channel. They might have been good during the 80's but damn if they don't look bad now. Kids with handicams are making more complex and riveting things and posting them to YouTube. The only oasis in the desert of television was the Food Network. I love cooking shows. I saw an awesome paella and a yummy looking ciopino yesterday.

I am off to medicate and lay back down for a spell. Later...

Let's Play "Ask the Discourser!"

2008-12-07T16:50:00.000-08:00

This entry is going to have the look and feel of the old game show "20 Questions". The main difference is that I will be asking the questions and answering them as well. In addition to the Q&A format, I will also have a few pictures to help clarify my answers and give insight into the overall situation. I hope you enjoy the entry!

The first question in our little game show tonight is from the category, "What is Scarier?"

Question: "What is scarier, the impending threat of our capitalist society crumbling around us amidst a global economic crisis OR a girl named 'Ding' operating a motor vehicle larger than a battery powered Barbie car?"

Answer: Always err on the side of common sense. Anyone named "Ding" operating a vehicle larger than the Barbie car should send shudders of fear up your spine.

The second question comes from the category, "What Time Does it Close?"

Question: "What time does the Home Depot by The Homestead close on a Saturday night?"

Answer: Midnight. Side Note: You would be amazed at how much parking is available on a Saturday around 10 p.m. The Boy and I were mere feet from the front door.

The next question is from the category, "How Much Is That?"

Question: "How much does three sheets of plywood cut to spec, a box of wood screws, and four hinge plates cost?"

Answer: $52.25 tax included.

The next question is from the category, "How Tough is the Bumper?"

Question: "Are those plastic bumpers really flimsy or can they take a shot?"

Answer: The front bumper on a 2005 Toyota Highlander, the front and rear bumpers on a 2005 Toyota Corolla are rather sturdy.

Finally, the last question comes from the category, "Highlander or garage door?"

Answer: Highlander. Ding confused the gas pedal with the brake pedal and the result is below.

The Boy and I erected a makeshift garage door by placing the plywood over the gaping hole left by Ding's blunder. This afternoon the garage door guys stopped by and I helped to demo the door in order to get Senior Mom's car out of the garage. There was additional collateral damage to the far wall as Senior Mom's car was pushed through the sheet rock and broke the door frame. I will have to call someone to fix that problem as well.

The new garage will arrive sometime in the coming week to the tune of $2600. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

I am off to continue drowning my sorrows. Later...

We Be Decorated

2008-11-30T13:16:00.000-08:00

The Wife and I returned home from the Thanksgiving dinner with the Homestead and some of The Superfriends in the early evening. We dropped off FCA at her board and care home and returned to decorate The Dungeon. Earlier in the day The Wife had gone to the grocery store to stock up on food stuffs while I opened the storage closet to extricate the holiday decorations.

It was like watching a herd of clowns get out of a micro car. I pulled out eleven boxes of holiday knick knacks and decorations for The Dungeon and eleven boxes for the Seniors Upstairs. That does not include the wreath, the dining table center piece, yard decorations, and other things too large to fit into a storage box. The sheer amount of wrapping paper that came from the closet was staggering.

I hauled in the eleven boxes after getting home from dinner and The Wife and I decorated the living space. There was so much that did not go up yet the entire area was fully furnished with holiday cheer. The motif this year is "Snowmen". We have snowmen ornaments, candles, candle holders, snow globes, plushies, wall hangings, blankets, pillows, and animatronics.

Today The Boy and The New Guy hauled the eleven boxes upstairs for Senior Mom along with the Christmas Tree. I moved the couch and a god-awfully heavy end table to make room for the tree. Assembly of the pre-lit tree was quick and it is now ready to be decorated.

Soon the house will be filled with holiday music, the smells of baking cookies, and holiday presents. We will raise cups to toast the holidays and eat good food while spending time with friends and The Family I Do Not Hate. The "FIDNH" is getting smaller and smaller. It is now down to four people and, if it gets any smaller, will no longer be considered a viable family in the traditional sense. Thank goodness for friends!

Soon the annual holiday gathering will be hosted and friends, FIDNH, and family I would rather never see again will gather together to mingle, play the annual gift exchange, and celebrate another year with one another. The Wife and I are thankful for the location, one we changed to a couple of years ago. It comes pre-decorated, tables laid out, custodial service, a full service kitchen, and a cash bar. We literally bring nothing save for some food, drinks for children, and the music. Instead of getting home at two in the morning like we used to, we are home before 11 p.m. Awesome!

All of this holiday activity means The Wife and I will be on holiday vacation. Fourteen days of work remain before our much needed break from other people's children and our professional colleagues. The two of us cannot wait...

I am off to do some pre-Cyber Monday holiday shopping. Man do I love the Internet. Later...

Holidays - Incoming!

2008-11-25T21:50:00.000-08:00

Today officially started the Holiday season for The Wife and I. We both began our mini-vacation for Thanksgiving after school let out this afternoon. The holiday season is often a challenging time of year for people for one reason or another. This is typically a time where people surround themselves with family and celebrate the season. Well...that is not my style. My holiday season challenges are not soothed by my family, they are created by them.

I am a staunch believer that my family really should stay away from me. Now, I am not talking about my immediate family. I am making reference to the tweakers, defects, deadbeats, moochers, rednecks, trailer trash, drama freaks, snobs, drunks, and back stabbers that comprise my extended family. I am not the only family members to distance themselves from the cauldron of dysfunction. Two cousins, two aunts (both married into the family), and one uncle (deceased) made the decision to step away decades ago. At the time I did not understand but now the picture is crystal clear.

Of course, Senior Mom wants to ignore the signs of dysfunction and pretend everything is fine. In fact, she has also been a willing participant in familial dysfunction at times. Senior Mom wants me to play nicely with all the family freaks but I now refuse. In the past I have been the good soldier and made my appearances. However, they have always been painful. I would marginally associate with anyone and generally spoke to only the Family I Do Not Hate and The Wife. Now I say, "Why bother."

As you all know The Wife and I have created a hybrid family consisting of our immediate family and our friends. We will be celebrating Thanksgiving with some members of the Legion of Superfriends, folks in The Homestead, and FCA who will be furloughed from her residential home. To reduce the potential of familial dysfunction we have eliminated the traditional home cooked meal with a turkey dinner at a local restaurant. We have done this for the past nine years. A good time is virtually guaranteed.

The Wife and I began removing the brick-a-brack in The Dungeon to replace it with the seasonal holiday decorations. The two of us will be following The Wife's plan to strip the place tonight, do a comprehensive cleaning tomorrow, and then decorate after we return from Thanksgiving dinner. The most time consuming task will be to string the holiday lights around the perimeter of The Dungeon to illuminate the living space and bathe it in colored holiday cheer. The rest is pretty simple.

Soon we will be hosting our annual Holiday party for friends and family. The Wife has dutifully invited the members of the Family Freak Show. I truly hope history repeats itself and none of them show their fake faces. We both want to enjoy ourselves without having to deal with them.

For now, The Wife and I are planning to enjoy our mini-vacation. I am off to watch Holy TiVo. Later...

Did Anyone Else Catch 60 Minutes?

2008-11-18T19:54:00.000-08:00

One of the Superfriends and I were chatting with one another the other night via Google Talk and he asked if I was watching the 60 Minutes interview with the new First Family. I found the remote and flipped it over to the interview. There I saw Barack and Michelle talking to the journalist and it really struck me. It may be that I am older or that I am more attuned to the world around me but I found myself totally identifying with the First Family.

His words and life experiences resonated with me in a way that no other political figure has been able to do in my lifetime. The story of his old car, rusted with a hole in the door, took me back to my short stay in the mid-West. I saw people driving cars that I could actually look into while on the freeway. The cars were rusted and corroded from the salt used to thaw the icy roads. The life experiences they were speaking of were things I could relate to or have experienced in my own life. That, remarkably enough, has never, ever happened before. Every other politician in my life has come from a place as foreign as Mars and had nothing in common with me other than we were both human beings living on the same continent.

I felt a greater connectedness to the First Family as I continued to watch the interview. Then it dawned on me. That is what all of us that voted for Barack Obama have felt over the course of the election. Yes, some were not on board with Obama from the beginning, but those of us that were knew there was "something" about him. That "something" is a connection to the real world, real world struggles, and an acknowledgement that we are all one country comprised of people with the same purpose and goal in mind, to create a life for ourselves that is positive and productive.

Obama's words continue to ring in my head, making sense like no other political figure's. Some of his words comprise the tenets of other great leaders such as Gandhi and Martin Luther King. I am continually brought back to two in particular.

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."

" There is not a Black American and a White America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America."

While the other candidate told his constituents to "continue fighting", I asked myself "fight what? Fight who? Ourselves?" Obama's message was the polar opposite. It spoke of community, helping one another, being responsible for ourselves and our neighbors, and putting aside our petty differences to further our universal desire to fulfill our American Dream.

The interview ended and I was proud to have been a part of and to have borne witness to this wondrous election. Never before was I so enthralled by an election or as emotionally invested as I was this past two years. The new First Family are real people with a commonality shared by the average American. They are well educated and wealthy but not elitist. They are, first and foremost, people like you and I. We are on the verge of a wondrous time in our history and I am looking forward to being part of the change I seek.

Later...

Someone Please Harpoon Me...

2008-11-15T09:47:00.000-08:00

I am a bloated whale floundering around on my sleep number bed. It is a miracle I made it as far as the bed. I was so full from dinner last night I struggled to walk upright from the car, through the garage, and into The Dungeon. The sheer mass of the food I consumed was pulling me into the concrete floor of the garage. It was as if I was walking in quicksand.

This all started at a birthday dinner for two members of The Superfriends. Each of them was turning 50 so we decided to celebrate. Paul's 365 Photo Blog and I were chatting over the Net one night when The Wife asked where we thought would be a good place to have the dual birthday dinner. He looked on Yelp! and found a local Mexican Bistro that I frequent quite often with The Boss. It is only a few minutes from my school site and I know the owner/ operator. They are a parent at my school and have been for the past four years. Both of their children have attended.

We made the reservation for 16 and, so it would not interfere with their Friday night rush, decided 8 p.m. would be the best time. We arrived to a packed house with multiple parties, live music, the occasional dancing, and the occasional patron singing classic Mexican music. We were seated at a long table down the center of the tiny dining room and began our feast.

The appetizers were chips and salsa (duh!) along with guacamole, queso fundido (translated as Mexican cheese fondue), and a ceviche platter. My God! The ceviche platter was mind numbingly awesome. The perfect balance of citrus and spices accompanied the fresh crab, baby shrimp, and fresh cut chunks of sea bass. I could not stop myself which I should have in order to stave off the overwhelming agony of overstuffed-ness.

I decided to order something I had never tried for dinner. The Mexican jambalaya looked awesome so I took the chance. It consisted of chicken sliced into thin strips, marinated in something right out of heaven, and cooked along with crushed chorizo, jumbo shrimp, rice, and beans. The taste sensation was enough to bring sight to a blind man. It was possibly one of the best meals I have eaten in recent memory. Throw in a couple of flour tortillas and the meal was complete.

Dinner did not stop there. There was still cake to be had for the birthday people. The folks at the restaurant were so awesome. They had refrigerated the cake for us, knew when the perfect time was to bring it out, and even put the candles on the cake for us. The entire staff walked it out of the kitchen with the candles lit singing "Happy Birthday". The cake was called a Black and White cake. It consisted of an upper and lower layer of white cake sort of the consistency of lady fingers. The inside was a chocolate devil's food cake with a layer of super fudgy chocolate on either side. The entire thing was coated in a thin layer of whipped cream frosting.

That was the end for me. I have not eaten so much food in a long, long time. I knew I was over full the moment the last bit of cake went sliding down. I cannot speak for anyone but myself but I know I waddled my sorry self outside and struggled to totter across the street to retrieve our car. By the time I got home I wanted to have a "do over" so I could stop myself somewhere around the appetizer phase of dinner. No such luck...

I sit here this morning suffering the after effects of last night. Nothing feels worse than a food hangover. I am off to wallow in my own fullness. Later...

Post Election Hangover

2008-11-09T08:07:00.000-08:00

Here we are five days after the revolutionary election party. My head aches and throbs as if we were partying for the entirety of those five days. It is either a prodigious hangover or a sinus issue. Either way, now that the party is over, it is time to get down to business once again. President Elect Obama was present at the party but excused himself soon after it started. Apparently he did not want to waste any time. The party was left to us.

Last night was a GoG event here at The Homestead. The Professor, The Warden, NTT's Brain, The Supergoober, Rave Boy, The GM, and I gathered together to roll dice, immerse ourselves in utter geekiness, and chat about what had been going one. I would have loved to have heard from Moose since he works in the Office of Elections on how everything went for election day. He is probably still sequestered in some vault with his co-workers counting ballots and checking in the super fancy voting machines.

Anyway, I always enjoy conversation that involves perspectives from other sides. I was surprised at some of the comments and concerns aired at the prospect of the new presidency. The Warden believes law enforcement will be under funded and that crime and inmates will flow through the streets like water during a heavy rain. My retort, while not issued during the conversation, had to be thought out over the course of the evening. I wanted to hear all the concerns from everyone without responding in a knee-jerk manner.

Here is the bottom line response for me to any and all doom sayers. This message is not exclusive to The Warden for he has legitimate concern from where he sits. Rather, it is to the people I saw on CNN purchasing multiple guns on the hunch the new president will ban all firearms. It is to the nay-sayers who believe Western civilization has crumbled now that we have a Democrat in office, not to mention an African-American.

Was your life improved over the course of the past eight years?
Are you as an American citizen in a better or worse place?
Are you more financially stable?
As a country are we more respected on the world stage?
As a country are we more stable economically and socially?

If you can answer "Yes" to all of these questions then I am a blithering idiot who cannot be trusted to tell you what color the sky is on any given day. The GOP and the Republican agenda are not and will never be designed for the advancement of the common American citizen. Rather, the party and its ideologies are designed for maintaining the power elite, the upper one-half of one percent of the countries wealthiest and most powerful families. That, Mr. Joe the Plumber/ Six-Pack/ Gun Toting Camo Wearing/ Bible Thumping Bigot is not you.

The other comment I have been hearing is with regard to Socialism. This argument typically has arisen around the issue of national health care for all. Simply stated, so what? If the nay-sayers of the "Right" have grave concern that the fundamentals of Capitalism are being thrown out the window for Marxist socialism I say stop being Chicken Little. Look at England, Canada, and France. Each of these countries are capitalist, Democratic economies with wonderful health care and education systems sponsored by the government and provided to the people. Yes, these socially responsible programs are funded by taxes. I would be glad to see my tax dollar actually be used for health care and education that is available to everyone including myself to better the social structure.

I am tired of answering "No" the questions I posed above. I am tired of watching billions of dollars being thrown away on a war of lies instead of going towards bettering our education system. I am tired of the Holier than Thou attitude of those who think, because I do not support lies and waste, I am less an American. Like Peter Finch in the 1976 movie Network, "I am mad as Hell and I'm not going to take it anymore."

Fifty-three percent of the American people were mad as Hell too.

The World Has Been Righted...

2008-11-05T20:31:00.001-08:00

Last night was epic for me on so many levels. Yes, Barack Obama won the presidential election. Yes, the reign of the right wing hypocrisy has ended. Yes, sense has been made out of insanity. But for me and anyone above the age of 30 knows that something more incredible has happened.

I was born on April 4, 1968. Auspicious in the sense that one of the greatest leaders in the history of the Civil Rights movement was assassinated for challenging the bigotry and hatred furthered by "the system". Yes, other leaders attempted to take up the torch of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. but none could work the magic to continue the change. Malcom X, the Black Panthers, all of them failed to make the message heard. Many Americans were left to survive on their own in a system that openly hated them and worked to keep them subservient.

Parents of any ethnicity would look at their children and lie saying they could be anything they wanted in America. They died inside telling their children this wrongful message because they knew their children could not live out their dreams. Systemic racism continued to marginalize every single ethnic minority in our country.

Still, people raised in the Civil Right's era kept the faith. The 1901 hymnal by Reverend Charles Tindley "We Will Overcome" was adapted to become the song "We Shall Overcome" sung by Joan Baez at the 1963 speech delivered by Martin Luther King. Dr. King also used the phrase in his final speech before his assassination in 1968. "We Shall Overcome" was the mantra of those who harbored hope and faith in their hearts.

Last night seeing Reverend Jessie Jackson crying with joy summed up the patience and hope held by the survivors of the Civil Rights Era. His were the joyful tears for generations of horribly oppressed, abused, and downtrodden people who did not survive the bigotry and hatred. Last night Barack Obama gave the speech of a lifetime as he accepted the presidency of the United States. I watched him and thought of Dr. King and his Dream.

Please take 18 minutes out of your busy lives to listen to Dr. King's 1963 speech. Think of the time in which it was delivered and the monumental achievement of last night. I leave you with the speech I listen to each and every year on my birthday.

Took a Day Off

2008-11-03T15:45:00.001-08:00

Today The Wife and I did something we never do...we took a day off. Now, before you begin to have Ferris Bueller fantasies running through your mind, this was no ordinary day to play. Let me explain...

The Wife's grandmother, Dee, lives back east in the Red State of Tennessee. She retired many moons ago and moved there with The Wife's parents for the improved climate. Where they lived before used to experience harsh winters with snow, sleet, and ice. In the Red State Grandma Dee was able to flourish and do a number of wonderful things. She established a bridge group at the local senior center. The group was so popular it forced the senior center to build a new facility. Grandma Dee also cultivated a stupendous garden filled with any number of plants and flowers that attracted local birds and animals including deer.

The Wife's grandmother has been a powerful influence in her life and helped guide her into the teaching profession. The two of them share an uncommon bond between relatives, one which I have never seen nor experienced. Since her grandmother moved to the Red State the two of them would speak nearly every day on the telephone. They always end their phone conversations by exchanging a hug through the phone lines. They would also exchange letters, cards, and the occasional email relayed through The Wife's parents.

Over the past year Grandma Dee has gotten weaker. She turned 99 last May and her mental acuity was mind boggling. She read any and every newspaper, magazines, books, and watched informational television, including the odd game show. This kept her sharp as a Ginsu knife. Talking to her was amazing. I always had to be sure I was on top of current events, politics, and financial information in order to not look like I just crawled out from under a rock.

However, Grandma Dee's body, unlike her mind, betrayed her. She was placed in a skilled nursing facility soon after we left from our last trip back to the Red State. She quickly lost the muscle strength in her legs and was unable to move around independently. In other words, the very independent woman was now confined to bed. That inconvenience did not stop The Wife and her from communicating on a daily basis.

A short while ago Grandma Dee contracted pneumonia. While she battled back from a bout with it once before, this time was different. The doctors began to administer morphine to help with the pain of, well, everything. The Wife still called, arranging for the nurses to hold the phone next to her grandmother's ear as she spoke to her. Grandma eventually went into a semi-coma state for a few days. We were all getting prepared for the "inevitable". Then, out of no where, Grandma Dee woke up from her semi-coma state and asked "What the heck are you doing?" as people hovered over her in gowns and masks.

The Wife was elated and spoke to her that same day. The two held a short conversation before Grandma Dee became tired. The days following the recovery were filled with great joy and elation. The Wife called her grandmother to check on her every day however, grandma was getting progressively weaker. That still did not dissuade The Wife from calling. She would contact the nurses and have them go into the room and hold the phone to grandma's ear every day. The Wife told her that she was loved and everyone was thinking of her and wishing her the best.

Last Wednesday The Wife called the nurse's station after a busy day at work. The nurse, a woman, went into the room to put the phone by Grandma Dee's ear. The Wife told her that she loved her and that it was alright to "go". The nurse, after a short time, pulled to phone away and asked The Wife if she was still on the line. The Wife responded yes and the nurse told her "it would be any time now."

In fact, it was happening right then and there. It is my firm belief that, due to the unique relationship shared between The Wife and Grandma Dee, she waited to hear from The Wife before she "shuffed off this mortal coil." The Wife could not be there to say goodbye but, through the magic of simple technology, the generosity of one nurse, and a supremely loving relationship, they were able to be with one another at the very end. I am a life long cynic but even I was moved by the event...it was, to put it simply, the stuff of angels.

Grandma Dee passed away on Wednesday, October 29, 2008. She was 99. Words cannot describe the person she was or the importance she was in the life of The Wife.

Today, after a weekend of The Wife being unimaginably sad and perusing a wealth of letters, cards, pictures, and other correspondence from Grandma Dee, we chose to take today to be with one another. We took a day off...

Breakdown of What We are Voting For...

2008-10-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

I am doing this on the suggestion of a friend this evening over dinner. We were talking about how confusing the voting guide language can be and wished there was a layman's guide to the voter guide. Well, since I am the designated reader of the guide for The Homestead, here is how I have broken down the initiatives and the Presidential candidates. First the initiatives:

1A: Safe, reliable, high-speed passenger train bond act:

OK, first off, anything with the word "bond" really means "money out of your pocket." Strike one against this initiative. The second strike is that it is asking for nearly $20 billion over 30 years. Anyone remotely associated with building costs know the actual final total is no where near the original amount. If you vote "Yes" count on the State asking for more money in the near future. Third strike against this initiative is the unknown cost to maintain and operate the system if it is actually built. Ball park predictions are $1 billion per year. Three strikes means you are out in my book. Who needs to get to Stockton at 220mph anyway? Vote: NO.

2: Standards for confining farm animals:

Also known as the "Don't Be Mean to Chickens" initiative. Let's face it, the standards for mass production animal farms are horrendous. They make a Russian gulag look like a stay in the Bahamas. Anyone who knows The Discourser would agree I am no PETA supporter. However, even I have to wince at some of the pictures on the television and the abject cruelty of the farm conditions. Opponents are saying it will cost too much money. It has no actual cost associated in any of the language other than the fines for failing to abide by the law. Eating a fat juicy steak with a clear conscience is worth a Yes vote. Vote: YES.

3: Children's hospital bond act. Grant program.

OK, back to that original comment about bonds. This is going to mean some money coming out of your pocket. However, unlike the previous case, children are a far better bet than some high speed train from Bakersfield to Barstow. The other good thing about this initiative is that it focuses on children with life threatening diseases. No ordinary hospital can apply for this grant. It is also one tenth the size of the rail bond. Let me think...kids or trains...kids or trains...I take kids. Vote: YES.

4: Waiting period and parental notification before termination of minor's pregnancy.

Alright folks, this is a tough one. On one hand you have the right to privacy and the fact that the people in question here are minors in the other hand. I completely understand that many young women may have a serious problem with parents and information such as this could exacerbate an already bad situation. However, I honestly think that some adult in the minor's life needs to know what is going on...mom, dad, uncles, aunts, grandparents...someone. This is a traumatizing event for adults. Someone needs to be there for the girls. Vote: YES.

5: Non-violent drug offenses. Sentencing, parole, and rehabilitation.

Hmm...more money, shorter prison sentences, shorter parole times, an additional 19 member panel? I'll put it this way, we don't need another bloated pig of bureaucracy, scum bag drug offenders walking out of jail after minimal stays, and dirt bags getting off easy after they complete some lame drug program. I say let the low lifes do their full terms before releasing them. Why should I pay more money out of my pocket to coddle them and pay self serving politicians to screw something else up? Vote: NO.

6: Police and law enforcement funding.

This one is easy. More funding for police, probation departments, and juvenile programs. Also, adjustments to laws and regulations would create additional offenses mandating life sentences. Many new laws address gang issues. It means an additional $1 billion in funding per year. Safer streets and more scum in jail? Sounds good to me. Vote: YES.

7: Renewable energies generation.

This one sounds good on paper. Looking deeper it actually could mean we pay more for utilities as power companies shift the cost of creating renewable infrastructures to the end user. Do you remember the rolling blackouts and insane electricity costs? The increased burden to the end user could last all the way to 2025 when the power companies are mandated to be 50% renewable. Also, companies failing to comply can still get a special waiver rather than pay the penalties. Sounds like a loser. Vote: NO.

8: Eliminates the right of same-sex couples to marry.

Wrong. Unfair. Easy. Vote: NO.

9: Criminal justice system. Victim's Rights. Parole.

This one keeps victims of crimes safer, gives them a say in parole, bail, pleas, and keeps the scum bags from walking all over the victims. Keeping scum locked up is OK with me and giving the victims of their crimes a say in what happens is even better. Vote: YES.

10: Alternative fuel vehicles and renewable energy.

This is a bond I am willing to pay for. This is a much better constructed initiative than #7. It helps consumers pay for high fuel economy or alternative fuel vehicles, fund research, pay for city sized projects, and pay for colleges to develop course material for training. The cost could be close to $11 billion after it is all said and done. The upside is that there will be people who are immediately able to benefit from the bond as well as future technology training for continued growth. Looks good to me. Vote: YES.

11: Redistricting.

Let's face it, this one was confusing. I read it twice and still don't really get it. However, it looks like it doesn't cost anything and has a mandatory split of both parties as well as those from neither party. Looks like decent oversight. Change may be good considering the totality of stupidity at the state level. Vote: YES.

12: Veteran's bond act.

This provides $900 million to veterans to buy homes and farms. Not a bad idea for a bunch of folks who put themselves in harm's way to protect all of us lazy fools. This one was simple for me. Vote: YES.

Now, lets look at the Presidential candidates. I am only going to cover the top two since the others have no chance in Hell of getting any votes for the White House.

Obama: Young, progressive thinker. Brilliant and charismatic. Reminds baby boomers of Kennedy. In touch with the younger generation. Speaks to the common intelligent American. Looks like he is watching out for the middle class, which has been dying off in droves as of late. Talks about community and coming together to help one another. Wants to give health care to all.

McCain: Same age as my mother who has trouble seeing to drive at night, remembering what she was going to say from one room to the next, cannot program the VCR, and has a tough time with anything more advanced than a microwave oven. Speaks to the Americans who enjoy fearing anyone non-white, who are fanatically religious but steeped in hypocrisy, and love their guns and four wheel drive trucks. Real agenda is slanted towards the richest of Americans with no care for the common American.

Guess who I'm voting for...

Later.